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Need a little help - 2/25/2006 3:01:35 PM   
nighthawk99200


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		I am a dom that is new to the life and tring to learn how to start talking to slave or subs I mean I am having problems getting anyone to talk to me at all on here any ideas that might help me and get me started off on right foot I am still realy new to the life style and just dont want to mess up
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need a little help - 2/25/2006 3:29:52 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I guess the pretty standard reply is to read the forums and get out as much as you can to local munches and clubs.. It's all about gaing experience and learning from others (real time). The best of Aussie luck to you mate.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to nighthawk99200)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Need a little help - 2/25/2006 5:08:16 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nighthawk99200

I am a dom that is new to the life and tring to learn how to start talking to slave or subs I mean I am having problems getting anyone to talk to me at all on here any ideas that might help me and get me started off on right foot I am still realy new to the life style and just dont want to mess up

Nighthawk, welcome to the boards.
There is an active thread in THIS forum about this very issue. Please refer to that thread, as Im sure that you will find some really useful information there. "Looking For Help" thread starter is "Sound". Good luck to you.
Feeling like LA right now. Only thing is, I didnt even have to supply the link <weg>


_____________________________





(in reply to nighthawk99200)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Need a little help - 2/25/2006 5:10:06 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nighthawk99200

I am a dom that is new to the life and tring to learn how to start talking to slave or subs I mean I am having problems getting anyone to talk to me at all on here any ideas that might help me and get me started off on right foot I am still realy new to the life style and just dont want to mess up



OK,

(A) Punctuate
(B) Rewrite Your profile--Dom is capitalized IMHE
(C) Punctuate
(D) Find a Mentor
(E) Buy "The Loving Dominant"
(F) Watch and read the boards

It's pretty hard to take you seriously with the profile you have--if you are a Dom, be a Dom--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to nighthawk99200)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Need a little help - 2/25/2006 6:02:51 PM   
BearNFirelight


Posts: 18
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline 		I would suggest doing lots (LOTS) of reading first off. Then you can hang out in the chat room here or on any other service and just relax and get to know people. They are all people just like you and we all started somewhere. Most important advice I can give you is....Don't rush into things....relax and practice patience.

(in reply to nighthawk99200)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Need a little help - 2/26/2006 1:06:52 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314


quote:

ORIGINAL: nighthawk99200

I am a dom that is new to the life and tring to learn how to start talking to slave or subs I mean I am having problems getting anyone to talk to me at all on here any ideas that might help me and get me started off on right foot I am still realy new to the life style and just dont want to mess up



OK,

(A) Punctuate
(B) Rewrite Your profile--Dom is capitalized IMHE
(C) Punctuate
(D) Find a Mentor
(E) Buy "The Loving Dominant"
(F) Watch and read the boards

It's pretty hard to take you seriously with the profile you have--if you are a Dom, be a Dom--


I'd like to add to MH's post nighthawk...

Part of being Dominant is to be decisive. So let's look at your Profile and I'm going to do a basic make over for you to get the idea, with out adding new stuff (I'll just delete a few things which could go into your blog).

"I am a dom from East Texas I am 6' 275 blue eye and black hair. I have been the life style for 5 months but learning more everyday. I am loving, open minded. I love to control but know I must gain your trust first. My interests outside the lifestyle include the outdoors, swimming, bowling and talking to special people. "

OK now you need to list what you are offering a sub regarding training etc. You also need to specify what you want in a girl including the age range, location to you and what type of relationship you seek (24/7, casual contact or long term relationship). It wouldn'y hurt to tell something about what you do for a living as well.

It would do your immage the world of good to get a new account with your name capped ~ NightHawk or even Nighthawk

What will not be so good is if you start posting things like ... Hmm ..... "This is what I am looking for but I don't know if it will work......." If you know or once you know what it is you want, then state it as a definate fact.

What will help you is to write your profile, blogs and posts in Word and take advantage of the spell checker and grammar. I use that most of the time due to dyslexia.. It all adds up my old son and believe me it is as hard as hell to get rid on a bad immage.. still all in all many of us are happy to help as new person along the way....

“You gotta play the game. It’s all in the game and how you play it!”


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need a little help - 2/26/2006 7:16:11 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Remember that the first impression someone will have of you is how your write and what you say both on the boards and in your profile. Mistakes on the boards happen all the time due to typing fast etc but you should really have someone proof-read your profile and make sure it doesn't have spelling and grammatical errors in it. Again, remember that this will be the first impression anyone gets of you so you really want that to be a GOOD impression,...... right?

There is a LOT of good ideas and help here on these boards so be sure to read, Read, READ and try to keep an open mind.

Good luck and welcome to CM ! !

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to nighthawk99200)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Need a little help - 2/27/2006 12:30:48 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		All you can do is be yourself.

There's no one real or true way for a Dom or anyone in the life style for that matter to talk. So there's really nothing there to mess up as much as there knowing what's going to work out for you.

Being yourself means that you'll end up with those who will like you and others who will hate you. You'll find subs who will find you appealing and confident followed by the ones who wouldn't call you Sir to save there life.

Being confident is a big part of being a Dom/Master. As long as you speak and act with confidence I'm sure you'll do just fine. Being confident does not mean you have to be a know it all. For example, rather than saying "I don't know" reply with "I'm going to check with others and do some research on that myself."

Get the picture?

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to nighthawk99200)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need a little help - 2/27/2006 2:28:17 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nighthawk99200
I am a dom that is new to the life and tring to learn how to start talking to slave or subs I mean I am having problems getting anyone to talk to me at all on here any ideas that might help me and get me started off on right foot I am still realy new to the life style and just dont want to mess up


Firstly realise that 90% of mails you send out are not going to get answered. That is just an unfortunate reality and even if you had the body of Adonis, the brains of DaVinchi and the penmanship of Shakespear you'd still have 90% of your mail unanswered!

As for having the best chance of getting a reply. Maybe a few of the lovely female subs will give you a few pointers as to what THEY look for so you can see if you are making any mistakes in your approach.

But as a start. Don't fall into the trap of being part of the "Kneel Bitch" brigade, leave them to their chatroom fantasys, if you are looking for someone real then realise that whilst she maybe a sub, the young lady you are writting to hasn't submitted to you yet (Get it too badly wrong and she never will!) being polite isn't just for submissives.

Be polite, clear, don't ramble but allow some of yourself to show in what you are writing. It is an introduction not an essay. Three or four short paragraphs should be enough to give a little idea of who you are, what you are looking for and why you are writing to them in particular. What in their profile caught your eye and made you think "Could she be the one?", this also make sure they can see you've made effort to read their profile and are not just copy&pasting the same thing to every sub within range.

Above all, be honest. Don't try building up a mask, be yourself. If things go to real life meetings then you are not going to be able to keep up a mask for long so why even start, you'd only be shooting yourself in the foot for further down the line.

HTH

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to nighthawk99200)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need a little help - 2/27/2006 4:39:46 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

to let everyone know I have a new pic. that I must say looks alot better then the other take a look. Iam a dom from east Texas I am 6' 275 blue eyes,black hair I have been the life style for 5 months but learning more everyday I am loving, openminded,love to control but know I must gain your trust first As for my real life outside of being a dom I love the outdoors, swimming,bowling,and just setting and talking to someone that loves me. I have came to find that I really am not sure if I am a dom or not I love the control but at same time I feel that I am too easy on my sub when I had one so still learning who I am


quote:

to let everyone know I have a new pic. that I must say looks alot better then the other take a look.


I think this line could be totally deleted from your profile. Considering you havent engaged anyone to speak with you yet, that information is superfluous.

quote:

As for my real life outside of being a dom I love the outdoors, swimming,bowling,and just setting and talking to someone that loves me.


Its like your saying being a Dominant isnt real, but when you are real, this is what you like to do..........
Could be changed to simply. " I love the outdoors, swimming,bowling,and just setting and talking to someone that loves me."

quote:

I have came to find that I really am not sure if I am a dom or not I love the control but at same time I feel that I am too easy on my sub when I had one so still learning who I am


This statement, although truthful, isn't very attractive to a potential submissive/slave so becomes irrelevant, you would be better off honing your bio towards friendships...Something more along the lines of " I'm still exploring who I am and where I fit into the scheme of things within D/s, would love to chat with other Doms and submissives."


Spelling and gramar really needs to be looked at.


Saying that, welcome to the boards, keep posting topics and I will most likely respond and so will others and you can get to know people that way.

You know one thing I really like to know about people is... "What is their highest aspiration in life."...no answer is wrong or better or worse than another, but the answer really tells a lot about a person.


(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need a little help - 2/27/2006 11:59:16 AM   
imadom4u


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline 		I myself am "fairly" new to the bdsm world. And being in your shoes not too long ago myself and understanding your situation, I would like to give some advice also. But I will be careful with my words.

I happen to agree with everything that slavejali suggested about your profile. Even though a small portion amount of sub/slave's my find your profile honest. It's more in the way you word it. That was some advice I received from a few experienced Dom's myself.

Another thing. You may feel some of your post could be getting slammed. Even if that is true you can still learn from them also. I find the old saying to be very true: "Take the good with the bad" that way you can learn more. So don't ever let any type of fear (if any) keep you from asking what you need to ask. Big or small, it is important to ask!

And for my last piece advice; there are mentors all over collarme. If you are seeking a mentor then Perhaps putting in your profile that you are looking for one will help. It did me.

And welcome to the bdsm world! It's great to have a seemingly honest person here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
(When hee-haw meets bdsm)
Where oh where are you tonight, how could you leave me here all alone. I searched the world over and thought I found the true one. You met collarme and you were gone.

(in reply to nighthawk99200)
Profile   Post #: 11
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