RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (Full Version)

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antipode -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (8/31/2009 7:18:50 PM)

quote:

meeting people online isn't real life


Umm.. nobody has thought that for at least a decade. I had to double check the date above your posting, thinking this must be an old thread. The majority of people make new aquaintances online, these days, and have done so for years.... where have you been??




gentlemanprince -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (8/31/2009 8:50:01 PM)

I met my Lady in a CM chatroom and have met people there whom I consider to be good friends. Some I have met in person; others I will meet as circumstances permit. I'm all for online.




TearsofLove92 -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (8/31/2009 11:37:04 PM)

That was beautiful.

And I agree, in two messages and one phone call life could change forever. I send one, she sends one, we talk on the phone, meet, instant connection, happily ever after. All of what anybody is going through now with this online search will be SO worth it, to me, at least. :)




ElectraGlide -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/1/2009 12:28:57 AM)

I met my Slave from Collarme. I liked using the internet to meet and date ladies when I was single. I work 2nd shift and can't stand the bar scene so when I was seeking, having a profile working for me 24/7 was great.

A online myth I always wondered about was how many people on the Collarme forums are in a fantasy world, they seem to be self proclaimed experts, and dispute anything someone has to say on the lifestyle. I suspect a few are in a vanilla marriage and have tons of BDSM knowledge, but never experienced nothing real time.




CougarStud -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/1/2009 5:49:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

A online myth I always wondered about was how many people on the Collarme forums are in a fantasy world, they seem to be self proclaimed experts, and dispute anything someone has to say on the lifestyle. I suspect a few are in a vanilla marriage and have tons of BDSM knowledge, but never experienced nothing real time.


There are plenty of people like this pretending to be what they aren't




MrRodgers -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/3/2009 6:36:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
There are numerous myths connected with both online dating and with BDSM and I just felt it worth trying to lay some online BDSM myths to rest when it comes to meeting people.

Perhaps the most common of these myths which you hear time and time again on BDSM message boards is that meeting people online isn't real life. Really? Pray tell me how you manage to transform yourself into a bot, hologram or anime? When did you cease to become a living, functioning human being sat in front of a real computer which you are using in a real home as a real time activity in your own real life? Yes you are a real person living a real life merely interacting with another real person living a real life and therefore the interaction between you is just as real as a phone call, traditional letter or a face to face meeting. And when you plan to meet that person and turn up for that meeting your interaction is indeed real life and face to face.

Some people will tell you that meeting people online or the online BDSM community is some sort of crutch. But if so, then surely munches, clubs and events are also crutches?

I have to reply to this part. When I was a young motorhead from Detroit, I read car magazines and heard and read repeatedly that one cannot learn about building or repairing cars...from a magazine...reading about it only. You have to  do the work...turn wrenches.

The same applies here. One does not learn entirely from the computer screen. How many a masochist inform us the cyber exeprience does not transfer to real-time experience for the sadist.

Online is NOT real-time. Online is 'digital' only...images and words on a computer screen and while it can be powerful in communication and build an exciting anticipation...nothing more. It is often still anonymous and most importantly...NOT tactile.

Realtime is ALL tactile. One feels the presence of another, one feels the embrace and the heat from another and then of course...one feels on their bodies...and on their skin just what is BDSM and other kinky, sexual fetishes.  One does not feel the tactile the physical extremes of real-time...from a computer screen.

Furthermore, munches, clubs and events are actual phyiscal indulgences not found through the detachment of a computer screen. All of the fetishes we enjoy evolved from centuries of what...real-time practices and actual physical experiences...not from a computer screen no matter how real IT (yet not turning a wrench)  is to some.






Fnordstrum -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/3/2009 11:02:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
There are numerous myths connected with both online dating and with BDSM and I just felt it worth trying to lay some online BDSM myths to rest when it comes to meeting people.

Perhaps the most common of these myths which you hear time and time again on BDSM message boards is that meeting people online isn't real life. Really? Pray tell me how you manage to transform yourself into a bot, hologram or anime? When did you cease to become a living, functioning human being sat in front of a real computer which you are using in a real home as a real time activity in your own real life? Yes you are a real person living a real life merely interacting with another real person living a real life and therefore the interaction between you is just as real as a phone call, traditional letter or a face to face meeting. And when you plan to meet that person and turn up for that meeting your interaction is indeed real life and face to face.

Some people will tell you that meeting people online or the online BDSM community is some sort of crutch. But if so, then surely munches, clubs and events are also crutches?

I have to reply to this part. When I was a young motorhead from Detroit, I read car magazines and heard and read repeatedly that one cannot learn about building or repairing cars...from a magazine...reading about it only. You have to  do the work...turn wrenches.

The same applies here. One does not learn entirely from the computer screen. How many a masochist inform us the cyber exeprience does not transfer to real-time experience for the sadist.

Online is NOT real-time. Online is 'digital' only...images and words on a computer screen and while it can be powerful in communication and build an exciting anticipation...nothing more. It is often still anonymous and most importantly...NOT tactile.

Realtime is ALL tactile. One feels the presence of another, one feels the embrace and the heat from another and then of course...one feels on their bodies...and on their skin just what is BDSM and other kinky, sexual fetishes.  One does not feel the tactile the physical extremes of real-time...from a computer screen.

Furthermore, munches, clubs and events are actual phyiscal indulgences not found through the detachment of a computer screen. All of the fetishes we enjoy evolved from centuries of what...real-time practices and actual physical experiences...not from a computer screen no matter how real IT (yet not turning a wrench)  is to some.






It seems you are referring to online play not being the same as real life play, which is completely different from the original post referring to meeting people / talking to them / getting to know them / etc online...

Which I think most people would agree, while there are types of play you can do online, regardless of if you are into it /love it / etc, is very different from doing anything in real life --- However, when it comes to just talking to people, talking online is not much different from in person.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤




SexyCarrot -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/3/2009 12:02:47 PM)

 
#1 myth is carrots aren't sexy... so not true!!!  LOL





kiwisub12 -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/3/2009 2:25:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TazDevil



I have a partner who don't under stand but I love them (and on line is not cheating)






If what you experience online is "real" - then i disagree with you emphatically! An emotionally satisfying online relationship with you being in a 24/7 relationship is a lie.
Would your partner agree that online is not cheating?  I think not.

What ever you are giving to whomever you are playing with online is being taken directly from your mate - in time, attention and emotionally.




CaringandReal -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/4/2009 5:07:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

I have to reply to this part. When I was a young motorhead from Detroit, I read car magazines and heard and read repeatedly that one cannot learn about building or repairing cars...from a magazine...reading about it only. You have to  do the work...turn wrenches.



Probably true, but it is equally true that if you've been repairing cars all your life in real time, you can pick up a magazine, read an article on a type of repair, and immediately have a very exact and detailed representation in your mind of what the real-time equivelent will be like. and that mental imagining would be extremely predictive of the actual repair experience, barring the random acts that can affect or disrail any planned activity in real life.




Esinn -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/4/2009 11:14:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

I will admit. I have a handicap when it comes to socializing. If I do not know people.... IE go to a club/bar by myself... I tend to stick the walls closer than... well, whatever is on those walls. (ICK)

Here, it is not face to face. I am not afraid to be who I am. Besides, information can be quickly exchanged on a webbie site like this, and I love it. THIS is my medium.

The point is... in the non-virtual world... I am much more limited. I sink my own battleships (:c) and can easily rectify my mistakes. I tend to freeze in situations of the flesh. Have I found the person I have been looking for yet? No, but I am sure as hell I can wait.

I better, or Lady Pact will get me.

>_> <_<





I like your new picture there pyro.  I am not sure this comment is relevant to your reply but felt it mandatory I mention that.


I just commented to someone 15 minutes ago in private email.  If it helps I will find it and post it.....

I view these conversations, especially ones via email as if I were sitting next to them - in a coffee shop perhaps. . .   No different.  The only major difference you might find between a F2F(face to face) conversation with me compared to these I would use the words, "fuck, fuckna, awesome, thats sick, and god damn" much more frequently.  

But why view OL conversation/interaction any different than RL is beyond me.

I experience the same fears, concerns or awkward issues here as I would in RL.  I am still relating to another person.  Possibly more so here as this is a permanent record and I do not try to hide who I am.  So, my friends, family, possibly those at munches I might attend or co-workers might one day stumble across this.  Where as an off line f2f my feelings are more confidential. 




curiousheart -> RE: Laying to rest some online BDSM myths (9/5/2009 10:08:05 AM)

I could go either way on this one.

I guess I'm somewhat bitter as my last relationship started online, moved in fairly quickly, and 3 weeks later realised that 24/7 was absolutely nothing like an internet or phone chat whenever we both felt like it.

Now, that is slightly different to the online/offline reality, but it does make my point, in that I believe, online is just a valid dynamic as talking on the phone, or seeing at work, or being a classmate, or being a partner...But just like when you change relationship status, you can learn that things are often different.




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