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RE: i broke his trust - 8/31/2009 9:47:03 AM

Missokyst

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Online sex is so confusing

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RE: i broke his trust - 8/31/2009 12:09:33 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: spookyfe

she knew i found it difficult and was also willing to let me try.

And this is where I feel sorry for her. . .

Lady X. . . I want to have sex with you to please a third person, not because I find you attractive that way.

I hope she got dinner out of it at least.

Well, sorry Lady X, this just does not work for me and I think that because of it, my relationship with the third person is ruined.

So instead of letting there be a follow-up with Lady X or going off to do something like play tennis with Lady X, you are trapped in a stupid drama because a sexual experiment did not work out.

A piece of advice: Do not use people like that. Only have or initiate sex with people that you are truely interested in.

Nicely said, Alluring One. And you know what? That holds true for people online as well as in "real" life because at the other end of the computer is a person. She knew you were trying this to please "your" Sir, not because of any interest in her...that is insulting.

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RE: i broke his trust - 8/31/2009 12:28:47 PM

Wantstocontrolu

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welcome to the problems of a online relationship.....

best suggestion... be real or don't

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RE: i broke his trust - 8/31/2009 4:32:17 PM

Leiren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spookyfe

i am new to bdsm and in my first proper relationship M/s . we are on line as well as in rl and see each other regulaly the plan was to move in eventually

i assumed he wanted something he didnt and i know i shouldnt assume . my red is sex of any form with another woman while online i thought i could get over it and tried to master let me because i was so insistant so when his other only online sub was on we tried and failed badly.

I'm confused. You mention that when his only other online sub was 'on', you tried and failed badly. Are you referring to cyber sex with his other online sub or are you referring to actual, in person, sexual contact with her?

My answer would depend on whether you had had cyber sex with her versus actual, in person sex.

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RE: i broke his trust - 8/31/2009 5:03:26 PM

xxblushesxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Online sex is so confusing

Yeah, I hate trying to fit their hardware into my software...

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RE: i broke his trust - 8/31/2009 10:22:23 PM

spookyfe

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lady x is q very close friend and has regular session with us i just haven't joined in with them just been there sharing some of the time with my master and watching them.

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 5:42:15 AM

DarkSteven

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Okay. spookyfe, let me ask you two questions:

1. Do you want the relationship to continue?
2. Does he want the relationship to continue?

If so, you'll find a way to make it work. To be honest, what you described sounds like something relatively minor to me, and I can't imagine it being more than a bump in the road.

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 5:45:43 AM

spookyfe

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smiles thank you dark it is just a bump and its actually strengthened us and my submission deepened as aresult. when i posted ii was just needing to talk to anyone who would listen.

as a new sub theres so much to learn even with his guidence and help its good to read and discover

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 7:24:00 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Online sex is so confusing

Thanks, because I think that is the part that is messing me up. Did this all happen online or did you actually meet the other girl? If you have limits (red), then talk to your prospective partner and make sure he understands them. If he pushes you to do something you are totally uncomfortable with, then there is a good chance you are not compatable. Find someone who has the same desires you do and things might be easier for you both.

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 7:35:40 AM

spookyfe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Online sex is so confusing

Thanks, because I think that is the part that is messing me up. Did this all happen online or did you actually meet the other girl? If you have limits (red), then talk to your prospective partner and make sure he understands them. If he pushes you to do something you are totally uncomfortable with, then there is a good chance you are not compatable. Find someone who has the same desires you do and things might be easier for you both.

ok me and master are rl and go online when not together. she was oly on line but this makes no differnce to limits and seing an avatar and words does let you recognise limis.

he didnt force me i pushed and tried to convince him it wasnt red when it was so it wasnt about compatibility but ablut me thinking i knew better

as i said in last post we are sorted and am very ahppy now

thanks to everyone here smiles

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 7:36:38 AM

antipode

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quote:

this is my first rl M/s relationship

Sheesh... You had online sex with a woman and now you have you knickers in a twist, and he does too? God forbid you ever try anything for real - correct me if I am wrong, you're saying R/L, but you're saying this only happened online, right?

Secondly, if you are both treating each other with suspicion because you both have "past relationship issues" you're in a real mess. Past relationship issues each person needs to deal with for themselves, there isn't any reason why something that happened with another person should influence your new relationship. If it does, you're at the very least very immature, and need to ask yourself why you're allowing a past experience to guide you - he has nothing to do with that past experience, so why should he be affected by it?

All in all, if an online "experience" lets you get all discombobulated, and there are past experiences that affect both of you, and if online leads to this kind of miscommunication already, I think you're all ready for therapy.

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 8:22:55 AM

IronBear

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FR to the OP:

Unless by RED you mean that you are a Communist lady who fucked another Communist lady to see how it would fly, I will assume that your use of the term RED = Red Flag or No Go Zone. Thus is you told your Master you were ok with fucking this other lass to try to please him and you found you couldn't hack it, not to your taste, I fail to see how you have done anything disastrous. If I were him, I would prefer you to come to may and tell me that you thought you would be ok and failed in that test because oyu just can't have sex with another woman. Sure there may be some disappointment and you may feel you have let your master down, but if it were indeed me, I would be jolly proud of you for having the guts and cared enough to want to try believing it would please me. Just talk to the bloke and lay all the cards on the table and for heaven's sake stop dithering about. Just do it and face the music before this pimple becomes a bloody great mountain.

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 8:26:26 AM

spookyfe

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we are sorted now

and happy

got my punishment and reward, punishment for trying to manipulate and reward for at least trying.

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 6:06:29 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: spookyfe

smiles thank you dark it is just a bump and its actually strengthened us and my submission deepened as aresult. when i posted ii was just needing to talk to anyone who would listen.

as a new sub theres so much to learn even with his guidence and help its good to read and discover

To me this is also a very small deal. I don't understand why some others are scolding you so much. You had no malicious intentions or desire to disrupt something or turn it bad, you were just trying something new that you thought you could handle and you were trying to give something good to your master. Both things are to be applauded. Maybe you should have backed down and not insisted, but it takes two to do the control tango, and from what you've said, he let you insist. He's responsible for that decision, IMO. To me, a person's intention counts for a great deal (unless it reaches some ridiculous point where they always "intend" and never follow through, but that is not what happened here.) It means they mean well, and not ill, even if the results turn out bad. That is a very good quality in a person, and a rare one, in my experience.

Frankly, I'm an experimenter, I love to try new things I've never done before, and I learn my very best by doing things like you described doing. I often fall flat on my face, too, but the learning is worth it.

It also doesn't sound that rude or terrible for the other people, and your master seems to be blowing the importance of this up a bit. Or maybe I just don't understand it. I am not sure why it upset him so, that part doesn't make a lot of sense, and if I were you it would be something I'd try to learn more about. Even though it was a disaster, if somebody had had the presense of mind to crack a few jokes about it, you all might have parted laughing and not feeling so bad. I do think, if your relationship continues and grows (and I hope it does!) you'll both be laughing hard about this event one of these days. :)

cheers, and I love your avatar. It's beautiful!

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/1/2009 7:31:52 PM

thishereboi

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OK, glad everything worked out for the best.

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/2/2009 12:06:34 AM

SailingBum

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jeeze Im still in the dark as to what shes talking bout. I hope her online friend and her are NOT typing in English. That would be the source of the problem right there SHEESH

BadOne

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/2/2009 4:20:54 AM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Okay what does Red mean to you because it is a Color to me.

Steel

Think it means hard limit

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/2/2009 4:46:29 AM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spookyfe

how can i regain his trust that i wont push him to take me to a red again. i know there are no answers i just need t express myself somewhere.
we love each other deeply and till this had absolute trust . he says the dynamics have changed the energys changed. just feel miserable

If I am understanding you...
You have a hard limit with having sex with another
You thought you be nice and give it a shot even though he said he did not desire it
You attempted cybersex which did not go well
and he is upset

One, cybersex is not sex and even if you did attempt to have "real" sex, there was no "lie" You tried and it didn't work. The only reason he might feel hurt is if he went to his other sub and bragged about what he manipulated you into doing, and when it did not go as expected, he ends up looking like an idiot, his pride and ego are bruised. He will get over it. The dynamic has changed, the energy has changed? My ass it has, my gut tells me he is getting ready to dump you for the other one and this is what he will attempt to use as justification

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/2/2009 7:19:19 AM

beargonewild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spookyfe

how can i regain his trust that i wont push him to take me to a red again. i know there are no answers i just need t express myself somewhere.
we love each other deeply and till this had absolute trust . he says the dynamics have changed the energys changed. just feel miserable

So in a nutshell, you expressed a hard ,limit for yourself then turned around and broke it. Yes I can see why the dynamics have changed. As I would question why a sub of mine would take it upon them self to ignore their own limits when they trust me not to ignore their hard limits. I would have cause to want to sit with my sub and see where their mindset is at if something like this happened.

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RE: i broke his trust - 9/2/2009 7:45:18 AM

VirginPotty

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Confusing post OP but it SOUNDS to me like you tried it because you know he liked it but that just confirmed it's a RED for you.
I don't see the problem. I've tried several "Hard Limits" for me all because they were something he liked and he appreciated the effort but didn't think less of me or think I'm something I'm not just because I tried something I said I wouldn't do.

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