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CaringandReal -> RE: When clients think they're friends...really? (9/1/2009 5:00:38 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BoiJen
Here's my question Ladies...how the fuck do you get rid of these needy types who border on stalker without compromising yourselves?
Do I do anything else? Did I already do too much?
This is just really bugging me as this guy continues to overstep the boundaries set by victimizing himself as a "abandoned friend" instead of a rejected, inappropriate, client.
boi
[Mod Note: reference to other user removed]
All I can do is repeat to you the most ignored piece of advice on the web. (shrug) It also happens to be the best. Don't become so involved in any Scene, online or offline, to the extent that this sort of shit really bothers you. When you notice yourself responding this highly, it's a danger sign. You're too involved, you're way too obsessed with what other people think.
A more normal response to something like that is just to laugh it off and think, "who cares what others think or say about me or mine? Those that do are not worth my time and anyone who would believe the idle gossip of a total stranger is also not worth my time." You can't control what others say or do. So why even bother? Verbal yatter is not "stalking." Physical proximity is, and if it bothers your mistress enough she can take out a restraining order on the guy. If you can't have that sort response naturally and immediately to triva like this, it may be a sign that your life is frustrating and boring in many senses and that you actually need mini-dramas like this to keep yourself entertained. It would be secretly rather ego-gratifiying, I would think, to have a mistress so wanted by others that they would be willing to spew all over the web about supposed rejection. Or maybe that's just me projecting. (shrug)
Bottom Line: anyone can say anything about you and if let it get to you, it'll drive you temporarily mad. Withdrawing completely and cold-turkey from the communities through which this gossip is transmitted is usually the best first step toward a cure of the problem (that is inside you). And if someone really oversteps the line, consult a lawyer about a libel or slander suit.
I'm not talking about you specifically by the way. Nor am I talking about anyone else. I'm speaking from first-person experience. :( Unfortunately, I only learned not to sweat the small stuff by undergoing genuine hardship, genuine loss. By the time I really realized, in my heart and gut, as well as my head, what trival, ego-flattering, and entirely unessential crap all this social drama stuff is, it was far too late. I hope that you never face such a learning experience.
I also agree with DarkSteven. If you must do the social minuette (and again, I do believe that in the long run this is a big mistake unless for some reason it is thrust upon you and you cannot avoid it), well, people that emotional can easily be used as pawns, as straight-men, as bit actors to show off your best qualities. They're virtually throwing themselves at you and shouting, "Use me! Make me look foolish!" You do by being the bigger, the more mature person, not by responding in kind with your own ranting and finger pointing.
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