Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS!

Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS! (Full Version)

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TearsofLove92 -> Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS! (9/1/2009 6:41:26 PM)
I've talked to a few people from here that have told some pretty scary stories, so here's a few questions I came up with to see how some folks do it. For every question, my own answer will be present. Q:Do you/would you/ have you manipulated your submissive into getting what you want? A: In my case, no. My orders are always very clear, very specific, and very do-able. I don't ask or demand the impossible, or the improbable. Before the task is given, I make sure a submissive understands what exactly it is that I require of her, so if she fucks it up, it's on her, and not on me for not explaining. Q:Hard limits not included, what is TOO MUCH to ask for? A: If it's not on the list of her hard limits, and it doesn't go against my personal values as a human being, nothing is too much. For me, everything I ask to be done benefits and helps one of us, or both of us, grow. I'll think of more I'm sure, but let's see how this goes for now. :)

Andalusite -> RE: Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS! (9/1/2009 6:54:50 PM)
TearsOfLove, I think that approach to "hard limits" makes submissives tend to be more defensive and add more items to the list. Personally, most of my limits are of degree rather than kind - while my pain tolerance has grown over time, there are some things that are just too much for me to handle. Another non-pain related one is that I can't handle the idea of having bodily waste internally. I'd strongly prefer not to have any golden showers or deal with diapers and whatnot, but it seems ridiculous to me to list it as a "hard limit," when I've changed diapers while babysitting and cleaned up after animals. It washes off skin, it's just very unpleasant. My Master isn't interested in that type of play, so it doesn't really affect us, but defining exactly where my boundary is and why (health concerns, being likely to throw up) seems to me to be more useful than making the entire category of play off-limits. For a while, I was very nervous about singletails, now, they're one of my favourite forms of sting. Initially, I didn't make them a "hard limit" or even a soft one. I figured he could tie me up with the lash, flick my nipples with the popper, whack me with the handle, and otherwise be creative with it. What's "too much" for one person might not be even close to a different person's boundaries . That's something you have to discuss with any potential partners - you can't generalise it.

RavenMuse -> RE: Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS! (9/1/2009 6:56:31 PM)
Do you/would you/ have you manipulated your submissive into getting what you want? WTF, I tell her what I want/require and she obays to the best of her ability who needs manipulation? Hard limits not included, what is TOO MUCH to ask for? What hard limits? Oh given there are only one set of limits in this relationship you must be refering to Mine! Given one of those is causing actual HARM to My property anything else is fair game. she trusts in the fact that I have her best interests covered, not just My Own.

TearsofLove92 -> RE: Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS! (9/1/2009 7:06:00 PM)
So far, responses are as I expected. It's good to know I'm not a psycho with impossible demands. As far as the way I present hard limits, I may have no given off the correct impression. The way I go about it is simple. Before I collar anybody, we go over EVERYTHING that we can possibly think of, and during that time, most of the time, some no's turned into yes, and some yes's turned into no's. I love to plan, and talk deeply about each individual aspect of something before rushing into it, and most of my ex's have appreciated that.

LadyPact -> RE: Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS! (9/1/2009 7:11:23 PM)
I tend to think I've covered some of this territory during the Obey thread. It might be hard to find it in all of the replies. Q:Do you/would you/ have you manipulated your submissive into getting what you want? No, I don't. I don't think manipulation is good for a dynamic from either side of the kneel. Like you, I don't expect the impossible, the improbable, or things the boy isn't humanly capable of. Q:Hard limits not included, what is TOO MUCH to ask for? Intentional harm. (That's actually one of My limits, not his.) Types of play that he's not ready for. The authority to screw around with his career. (The boy's military.) Asking for My sub's vanilla family to be drawn into an authority dynamic by extension.

leadership527 -> RE: Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS! (9/1/2009 8:22:09 PM)
Q:Do you/would you/ have you manipulated your submissive into getting what you want? A: Not in a covert fashion, no. But I very definitely manipulate carol as a part of molding & shaping her. Q:Hard limits not included, what is TOO MUCH to ask for? A: Anything which would break her.

onlyfreelycaged -> RE: Doms/Dommes/anyother way to put it, QUESTIONS! (9/1/2009 9:09:03 PM)
jeff, you summed up how I fell about it fairly well, on both sides of the kneel, given the appropriate relationship.

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