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Need advice.. - 9/2/2009 10:28:51 PM   
maidbridget


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		Hi all,

I'm a college student who's a bit new to the scene, and am looking for a mistress to help me learn domestic chores and a bit of obedience/humiliation. Any tips on how to find a match? So far, I've found several dominants.. but they seem to only want my credit card number.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 1:18:38 AM   
islandgyrl


Posts: 37
Joined: 9/8/2008
Status: offline 		Work on your profile. It doesn't reveal much about your interests or experience.  
 
Island

(in reply to maidbridget)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 4:52:16 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maidbridget

Hi all,

I'm a college student who's a bit new to the scene, and am looking for a mistress to help me learn domestic chores and a bit of obedience/humiliation. Any tips on how to find a match? So far, I've found several dominants.. but they seem to only want my credit card number.


Yea, heres a tip. Quit fixating on what you want from a relationship and start thinking about what you will do for her. Then go out into the real world and find a local group to get involved in. Maybe there is a TNG group in your area. Now while your waiting to find your perfect match, go to your mom and ask her to teach you all the things she should have taught you before you hit college, such at cleaning, laundry and cooking. KEEP YOUR CREDIT CARD IN YOUR POCKET for the time being. You will need to save your money for that lucky day you have a women in your life, because as lovely as they are, they do like to recieve gifts from time to time, just like any relationship. Now when I say wait until she is in your life, I don't mean she has emailed you a couple times, I mean you have actually formed a real time relationship, then you can crack out the credit card and dazzle her with your choice of gifts. I find they really like it if you spot them admiring something and then go back and get it for them later. But again, that comes down the road.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to maidbridget)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 5:47:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: islandgyrl

Work on your profile. It doesn't reveal much about your interests or experience.  
 
Island


Let me expand on this.  The scammers will contact anyone.  The real people like to have a profile to work with.

Also, bridget, are you contacting Dommes, or just letting them contact you?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to islandgyrl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 6:03:31 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maidbridget

Hi all,

I'm a college student who's a bit new to the scene, and am looking for a mistress to help me learn domestic chores and a bit of obedience/humiliation. Any tips on how to find a match? So far, I've found several dominants.. but they seem to only want my credit card number.


As a college student, this advice shouldn't come as such a surprise.

You would like to serve a woman by performing household/domestic chores.  What experience do you have to offer?  Have you ever served in this capacity?  Is this just a kink for you or an actual interest?  Are you willing to do the homework that may be required to become proficient enough and have a skill set available to offer this
as a service to a woman?

I was approached by a man who wanted to do the same as you, the offer of domestic service in exchange for fulfillment of his list of kinks.  He had nothing to offer except "I can dust a bit and do your dishes and maybe scrub your toilet. Can I do this in my maid costume?"  This is what I mean by the difference between kink and an actual desire or interest in serving domesticly.

What is your approach?  Do you write to women here and offer to do housework or do you approach them as people...individuals...that you would be interested in knowing and not simply a means to an end?   Are you looking only for a "demanding femdom who will ridicule me" or are you looking for...again...a person.  Those words, taken from your profile, will attract most if not all scammers looking for a credit card number.  What do YOU...the individual...have to offer HER...the woman you're trying to connect with...besides cleaning and a desire to be humiliated?

I'm more than proficient and capable of cleaning my house...what else can you offer?

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 9/3/2009 6:13:08 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to maidbridget)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 7:25:55 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		A lot of good advice here.  I will only add that it is okay that you have these desires, whatever they are - dressing, humiliation, etc.  AND it is okay that you want those desires to be fulfilled.  BUT there is usually a big difference between the fantasy of a thing, and the reality of a thing.

In the fantasy, She wants all the same things that you do...in the reality, this rarely is true.  You may meet on a few points, but She is gonna be on Her own track.  Those points where you both meet is going to be crucial.  If She is a Lesbian Domme with NO interest in boys of -any kind-, you will not find much in common interest.  Look for someone who will tolerate if not actually enjoy a dude in a skirt...

In the fantasy, notice how the focus is always on you (what She does to you, what She "makes" you do)...in the reality, the focus is on Her.  What you are wearing, and how you feel about it, is likely gonna be solely in your head and heart.  What you are wearing is about as important to the event as the tablecloth or the drapes.  The focus is, and should be, on Her, Her desires, Her wants.  What you want Her to do to you, is a factor, but only in so much as She holds a desire to do those things (any things) to you.  It is Her show, Her plan, Her scene.  You are serving Her, Her wants and needs and desires.

So you may be asking, "then how do I get my needs fulfilled?  How do I get what I want and need?"  You get your needs met by shifting the focus from you to Her, and by inspiring Her to want to meet your needs through your actions, your attitude, and your service.  This is no different than any vanilla relationship.

Hope that helps...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 8:36:09 AM   
Ambyant


Posts: 194
Joined: 4/22/2008
From: California Girl
Status: offline 		"perform yard work; plant flowers as directed"
nice.
As always I am reminded of the quote from the movie Exit to Eden : "Paint my house!"
Checking your profile reveals a new attitude and perhaps more interest in performing useful activities for a Domina, rather than the more common self-interested wank offers.
good going and good luck!


_____________________________

~ If a little knowledge is dangerous, I'm a very dangerous Girl ~


Diva Zya had to start all over again
damn password changes!


(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 11:46:17 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		The scammers will indeed contact anyone, bridget, as DS says.  Check your 'Who's Viewing Me?" - they almost never bother to look at a profile before cmailing.  They generally want to move off CM and onto an external email/messenger straight away.  I'd say: just treat them like you would spam, by deleting and/or blocking - unless you actually are interested in their services.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to maidbridget)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 12:19:06 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		My advice to you is to start looking into your local kink community. Most likely, there's one, even if you live in a pretty secluded area of the country (assuming you're in the states or Canada; if not, then your mileage may vary). Munches are great places to connect with people who are into the scene. Join organizations that are into kink, like The Society of Janus, the Service of Mankind Church, and at least ten I can name in the Bay Area/San Jose areas alone. Some of those groups are pretty large, encompassing the entire country with memberships.

As someone said earlier, you have to make sure that you're not going into this with just the fantasy you want fulfilled. If you're interested in being someone's house submissive/slave, then you are not going to do any good for your cause if you approach it with what specific fantasy you want fulfilled only. Women who are into this sort of thing are going to spot that a mile away.

I was lucky in that I was able to be a house slave to a wonderful woman the second time I went back to school (the first time was at West Point, and while there was discipline and service there, it was not the same). I was actually one of her clients as she was a professional dominant, and then I realized I could no longer afford sessions, told her, meaning to thank you for the years we had together and then move on, but she offered me the chance to become her house slave instead of leaving. It eventually turned into a live-in slave situation, which was wonderful. But keep this in mind. I never went to her in the first place with the thought of becoming either her house slave OR her personal slave. It just happened. And quite often that's how it does happen. Most often, it doesn't. Cause even if you connect really well, odds are it's never going to transition to anything different.

Another thing that worked for me over the years is that I communicate a lot with other kinksters, so that when it was time for me to look for a position where I could be of service, finding someone wasn't that hard. As a matter of fact, because I was so "out" there in the community, vanilla women used to find me, get interested in the idea of a man who serves them, and learned to become dominants because they were attracted to me in the first place. So, the world of kink lifestyles is really pretty much an open world for someone to explore.

Keep in mind, you will have a hard time making it happen online. I'm sorry to say this, and MANY will disagree with me, but honestly, you're better off trying to find your local community and meeting people in person. That doesn't mean to not try on collarme or other online sources, but don't rely on those alone. Or you'll become miserable.

Other pieces of advice. Be honest. Be clear with what you are seeking. If you're really seeking some situation where you get to wear a maid's costume and then pretend to clean, be honest about that because you're going to really piss off some dominant (not in a good way) who will throw you out and never speak to you again if you promise to actually be interested in cleaning her house, but are really interested in getting some jollies fulfilled instead. Keep in mind, there's nothing wrong with suppressing your personal desires if you're trying to become a good servant. When I first started out, that first house slave position wasn't really what I was seeking because I had been serving her in real sessions before that happened, and for a couple of months, I was half miserable, and half overjoyed. Then I started to grow into the experience, realizing that the pursuit of the elusive "session" wasn't really what I wanted in the first place. It just took some time, and the right woman, to help me realize that.

Good luck.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to maidbridget)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 5:58:37 PM   
NoreenSwan


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		Well I think that places like this are a very good tool in meeting someone, I really do. Take time to read a profile. But I would have to say that there are a lot of wierd people out there and most of them are on the internet looking for hook ups! But that's only part of the equation. The other part of it is that there are a lot of super nice people over the internet looking for a real connection, too. Just pay attention to profiles because profiles are really resumes. Some are written well, others are not so much! But I guess its true that you can't judge a book by its cover.

(in reply to maidbridget)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 6:04:33 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline 		Maybe pick up a few books on gardening? (Seems to be a common chore), that way, you can offer advice on what type of plants to use (perrenials VS annuals,  etc), maybe even use them to create ideas for landscaping - islands, waterworks (like a pond with Koi, or waterfalls,) etc.
Cooking comes in close second - depending on ones definition of house chores, cooking may be included in that. It NEVER hurts to learn a new recipe, or perfect an old one.

Best of luck.

~BP~

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to NoreenSwan)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Need advice.. - 9/3/2009 8:53:27 PM   
shadowowl


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		This may not seem like the common way to go about things but...   there are lots of charities around that need help some need yardwork and gardening or housework I know it may not be "kinky"  but will get you the experiance and training in terms of the actual tasks.  If you  look at it as time investing in your future or even preparing yourself for a Domme it might help.   And if nothing else hey your helping out people in need.
after that the rest is just a matter of working things out with a Domme :)  I would bet money that if you have the experiance and training finding a Domme that is suitable to you will become much much easier.  But that's just my opinion and I'm not a mistress just someone that has spent a great deal of time either serving or searching for one ^_^


(in reply to blackpearl81)
Profile   Post #: 12
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