RE: New terms for our BDSM community (Full Version)

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daintydimples -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 7:34:01 AM)

Since I switch, I'll put on my Domme hat and speak from that perspective.

In my never humble opinion, all the labels and categories and defintiions in the world are not going to keep "do me" subs on collarme from messaging random dominants with their kink needs. It's what they do.







allthatjaz -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 7:51:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

Since I switch, I'll put on my Domme hat and speak from that perspective.

In my never humble opinion, all the labels and categories and defintiions in the world are not going to keep "do me" subs on collarme from messaging random dominants with their kink needs. It's what they do.





Agreed!
My mail box fills up with suggestions from 'Do Me subs' on a daily basis. They are no more use to me than a chocolate teapot but then I suppose if they don't try they don't get.



jordan666 -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 9:49:24 AM)

Or we could have an id tag that we just attach to our nake chest with a needle. 



mnottertail -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 9:50:20 AM)

I woul lik t se yo nake.

Ro



SexyCarrot -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 12:05:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I think the BDSM community needs a new term...



Dirty fuckers works for me!!! [:D]




ranja -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 1:57:22 PM)

like slerve or slex
and if ya like both slexy slervy?



leadership527 -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 2:01:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
But, let's not get into that..... what would be good terms to distinguish the service slave from the sexual slave?
OK, I'm gonna admit to being baffled. In my own personal terminology, the word "slave" connects with TPE which means, by definition, we're talking an EVERYTHING slave. I guess I'd call a"service slave" a "sub" and I'd call a "sexual slave" a bottom. as I understand those concepts.

Edited to add: In general though, I don't agree with the need for any more terminology than 4 basic quadrants. dominant/submissive and bedroom/lifestyle. For me, I want a lifestyle submissive of some sort. Beyond that, I don't see how a label would get me any closer. THe devil will be in the details.



beargonewild -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 2:36:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I think the BDSM community needs a new term (or a pair of terms) distinguishing service slaves (with privileges LOL) from sexual slaves that seem (to me) to always be do-me bottoms.

What think you all?


I'm just thinking that maybe it'll be better that a person tries to elaborate more in the written part of their profile, there they can further define who and what they are? Seems to me that whether it's the kink community or the gay community, we've managed to practically label ourselves to redundancy. I look at the fact that my profile gives n over gist to who I am and in further communication with potential subs or doms, that is when I can be more specific to how I perceive my role is.



littlewonder -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 3:06:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

Are you saying that "slave" is the service slave?  OR are you saying "slave" is the sexual slave? 

I'd like new terms so that CM could offer that as a choice in profiles; so that new terms could be used in all of our communications - not just here at CM.




I'm saying a slave is one who does whatever its Master wants it to do including both service and sex and anything else that may come to mind. There is no separation. A slave does whatever, whenever.

Ok, after having gone back and read the rest of the responses...just read what leadership has to say. That's basically how I feel as well.

Thanks leadership.



NihilusZero -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 3:50:27 PM)

Nah. It sounds pretty and sensible in concept but would be functional mess that would create more problems than answers.

Seriously, what would happen? I would get upset that my slave didn't want a specific facet of something and then point her to the CM Official Delineation Chart where she referred to herself as X where the X label makes it passively acceptable for this facet to be expected?

And you assume people would somehow magically get around to filling out their profiles any more than they already do even if more specific terms were available. As it is, people have their profiles available to disclose enough information as they see fit.



NihilusZero -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 3:54:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Thee devil will be in the details.


Nevermind the infinite number of projected interpretations of each of those likely vague details by the people involved. At which point we'd be talking a poly-demonic underworld.



Sunnyfey -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 3:54:58 PM)

Though I agree with you in sense Sir Lance, IMNSHO I'm wondering how many slaves out there will be truthful enough to post that they are JUST a sexual slave, or even worse a "do-me" submissive. I honestly don't think many people would use that as a self ID, for the simple fact they want to look good to potential D-types.

But then again, I am a bit jaded.

love in Leather,
girl m



LadyPact -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 6:11:50 PM)

Just My personal opinion here, but I don't tend to think we need additional terms in the BDSM community.  Except for some rather basic concepts, we as a group (if we even are a group) can't agree on even simple definitions.  Also, there's no way to define a term and have it mean the same thing to everyone.  One person's view of bedroom bottom might be the other person's sexual slave, might be another person's sensation submissive. 

Along with that, I'd like to add that I think creating more terms and more stringent definitions tends to make things harder for those new to the lifestyle.  I don't know about anybody else, but I had to come to My own realizations about what certain terms meant to Me.  My definitions formed over time and nobody could have put up another box to check on a website that would have changed that.

Oh, and take it from a female dominant.  That profile reading thing....  Yeah, don't especially count on that. 



MistressDevito -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/4/2009 2:22:13 AM)

IMO:
 
Labeling is what confuses people in life.  Let them be who they are.
 
Respectfully,
 
MistressDevito

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I think the BDSM community needs a new term (or a pair of terms) distinguishing service slaves (with privileges LOL) from sexual slaves that seem (to me) to always be do-me bottoms.

What think you all?



aldompdx -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/4/2009 5:33:02 AM)

Pleasure servant and domestic servant may be two unambiguous terms. They further do not connote a fantasy which is unlawful in many jurisdictions.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/4/2009 5:51:07 AM)

quote:

SPEAKING of which, I'd like to see more feed-back from tops/Doms. Do y'all see a need for new terms or am I the only one that sees that new terms might be helpful?



The only terms that are relevant to me are the ones that I negotiate with the individuals with whom we participate. I'm not looking for one particular thing, though. As a poly dominant-oriented individual with Victorian/Steampunk leanings and a fondness for edge-play (needles, cutting, branding), I find that a checkbox on a profile does very little to explain how a certain person will fit into my household. The only way for me to figure out whether there's some kind of 'match' is to actually talk with people and get a feel for how they might integrate.

It seems to me that most people who use this service (and most other 'dating-type' services I've encountered) don't fit into the definitions that I'd give for the boxes they choose to plant themselves in, in any case--which makes any kind of pre-packaged definition pretty irrelevant in the long run. For me, the baseline generalizations would be Gender (because gender realy does matter to some folks, even if it doesn't really matter to me) and Orientation (dominant vs. submissive)... with those in place to narrow the field slightly, I can take it from there. I've found that my delete key is a fine and efficient tool for dealing with individuals who are obviously and mortally poorly compatible with me -- and hitting delete saves both of us all kinds of time to look for others who are -more- compatible.

Dame Calla



susie -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/4/2009 6:22:47 AM)

 you read the profile
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

 

Along with that, I'd like to add that I think creating more terms and more stringent definitions tends to make things harder for those new to the lifestyle.  I don't know about anybody else, but I had to come to My own realizations about what certain terms meant to Me.  My definitions formed over time and nobody could have put up another box to check on a website that would have changed that.

Oh, and take it from a female dominant.  That profile reading thing....  Yeah, don't especially count on that. 



I agree LadyP. When I was new I had no idea what the difference between being a sub and a slave was. Infact when I first set up my very first profile on a bdsm site I had no idea what I was looking for. I read articles and forum posts, I chatted to people having initially decided to use the submissive tag. Some people told me I should change it to slave. What happened was I took the time to talk to potential Doms about what we wanted. I found a perfect match with someone who; wanted someone older, I am younger. Wanted someone slimmer than him, I am larger. Would only contact someone that had a picture on their profile, I had none.

So trying to pigeon hole people into too narrow categories does not always work. Taking time to get to know someone does.




DesFIP -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/4/2009 6:55:49 AM)

Why do you care about what other people's dynamics consist of?
As long as you are clear about what you want, and find someone compatible, then your relationship should work well.

Not to mention that I doubt there are very many people who are drooling at the idea of cutting your lawn while you don't interact with them. Most people I know like a mix of stuff, so how would you label them?



Missokyst -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/4/2009 7:11:42 AM)

You know.. I didn't really notice this until this morning.  But are you saying that anyone who is not a service slave is a do-me bottom... AND the little item in red below, with privileges means that you also expect sex with your service slaves?  If that is the case, are you wanting someone who does not need their own needs met?  Do you just want someone to work for you and provide sexual sevice as well?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I think the BDSM community needs a new term (or a pair of terms) distinguishing service slaves (with privileges LOL) from sexual slaves that seem (to me) to always be do-me bottoms.

What think you all?




GreedyTop -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/4/2009 7:31:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I am NOT trying to put anyone in a box.  Here's how this all came about:

slave on 9/3/09 at 0:03 AM:
hello sir
LanceHughes on 9/3/09 at 4:19 AM:
Thanks for writing.  I have read your (scant) profile and see that you are looking for female dominance.
If you were to join my "house," you would find NO female component.  From your profile I am pretty sure that would not work for you.
slave on 9/3/09 at 4:22 AM:
i would be fine with that............could i be locked in a set of stocks and be trained as a fucktoy/animal?
LanceHughes on 9/3/09 at 4:38 AM:
You write "i would be fine with that."
Then change your profile so that Doms like myself are not mis-led.  You are causing extra work for me.  NOT what I look for in a slave.

You ask "could i be locked in a set of stocks and be trained as a fucktoy/animal?"
Nope. Again: NOT what I look for in a slave.

I think the BDSM community needs a new term (or a pair of terms) distinguishing service slaves (with privileges LOL) from sexual slaves that seem (to me) to always be do-me bottoms.

I think you fall in the latter case.  Nowhere did you offer your service, but rather are suggesting what I should do to you......  Nowhere is the yin to my yang.
==========
So, how do y'all think this could have gone better from MY perspective?  (Pushy frigging do-me-bottoms.)



so...basically, you got an email from a wanker.



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