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Finding a sub - 9/4/2009 8:05:44 AM

forus2playwith

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/3/2009
Status: offline

Were a new couple who was just introduced into the pleasures of BDSM and are looking for a female sub, how do we go about finding one???

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RE: Finding a sub - 9/4/2009 8:08:43 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

If you're new I would suggest finding a mentor and learning, rather than finding a submissive.

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RE: Finding a sub - 9/4/2009 8:22:04 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

First do some reading in the forums especially in the Poly forum. You will find many posts about searching for a submissive to join a couple. Second, realize that you are looking for the crown jewel of all submissives, a bi female who is willing to be third (the one who loses the most if there is a break up) to an established couple. There is a search feature at the top of the page.

Decide exactly what you are looking for. Will she be live in or live out? Is this for a long term relationship or for play only? If live in, how will finances be handled? What happens in case of unexpected pregnancy? Will this be a closed triangle or can both you and she play outside of the triangle? What will the sleeping arrangements be? How will she be explained to family and friends and will she be included in family holiday gatherings? As you do some research here you'll find even more questions that need answers.

Now, what do you offer a submissive? For every submisssive willing to be involved in this sort of relationship there are probably 50 couples looking. What can you offer that will make you more attractive than others? Why should she choose a new couple over one who has years of BDSM experiece?

Please don't come back the forum in 2 months complaining that all the submissives here must be fake because you haven't found your perfect third yet. Finding a submissive might take months and will probably take years. We have been searching for 3 years and are willing to have a male or female and haven't even found one who might satisfy our rather strict criteria. Others around here have been searching just as long if not longer.

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