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RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/12/2009 10:01:49 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		how is speech training coming along?


with oldman slave the training came easier than it did with bruno. but then, i had stricter protocol with bruno.
\
i hope you two can work this out

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/12/2009 11:04:23 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Every dynamic has its distinctions. 
I behaved in submission to a male for the better portion of a year.  While I spoke to him with deference and respect, we spoke conversationally.  It was subtly obvious that I spoke to him with greater focus and overt regard than I do most but I can't say that I am recalling any formalities off the top of my head.  Ah, he would toy with terms like Master stated in Hungarian but I told him I don't 'mug' and since he couldn't balls up to his wife and put a collar around my neck, he has not accepted that responsibility and was not due that title...that sort of conversation came close to the end. 
As for third person speech, it irritates me.  A lot.  I have a strong ego (Sometimes too formidable for my own good) and I dislike things that would strip that.  Someone who wants me, regardless of the side of the kneel, needs to not be trying to 'break' me or 're-make' me. 
Each unto their own but your Owner should be taking responsibility for your instruction, not somehow expecting that you're going to glean it via osmosis and his inconstant quips. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to masterlink65)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/13/2009 5:46:02 PM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

I do not understand the point of third person.

Could be - Breaking old habits. Re-indexing behavior. Opening the mind. A fresh start.

My guess is someone else speaks this way to Him and He likes it.

Please don't assume anyone else speaks to him this way. It's too important to you not to just ask

Why do I have to be like everyone else? Our relationship has gone on far longer than His with either of His others. We will always share things that it is impossible for Him to share with anyone else.

Does it matter REALLY if some other girl once called him Sir? Its not as if he is a virgin nun, understand? Why are you jealous?
You are HIs!


I love Him, would go to the ends of the earth for Him. I do believe He feels the same for me...We've broken up, always end up back together.....He's disowned me once and brought me back into His life telling me "Admit it or not I STILL own you".


Sounds special to me!!!!!



The more I talk to everyone the worse I feel.

hey don't feel so bad



(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/14/2009 8:53:45 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		All good suggestions, and I'd go as far as suggesting they have a time set aside to ask questions in a non protocol way to understand better his protocol and his desires. Because if you have to worry about walking on eggs, you'll never voice a question, and never clarify it very well.
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero



The difficulty being, though, that she risks upsetting him by bringing up the queries vocally without first having the answers (which means she may initiate another situation of her voicing things improperly...but clearly if she didn't, her alternative would be eternal silence!).

OP,

I'd say a couple of tidbits of advice that may be close to universal:
  • Tone: Keep a soft, yielding and respectful tone in your voice. Keep it towards the higher octaves of your normal vocal range.
  • Avoid declarative statements. "That is...", "But it...", "I don't...". Try reworking sentences in your head into questions where you are requesting  his feedback about something you wish to share: "What would Sir's feelings  be if I shared some thoughts/reservations about...".
  • A side-step from above: When in doubt, always ask for permission to share information/feelings (particularly during any discussion where you should be listening) before speaking them aloud.
  • 'You, not me': Be attentive to whether too much of what you're saying is "me" talk and let your desire to please him guide you to obtaining information so that his being pleased is something you are able to learn how to help bring about. Take extra lengths to ensure he feels that is your motivation in talking.


(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/14/2009 9:05:47 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		It would be a huge red flag and raise a big concern with me if my partner, instead of telling me what  HE SPECIFICALLY wants, strait from his mouthtold me to go online make friends and find out what is proper. It would show to me, he's either very lazy and wanted someone else to teach his girl because he couldn't bother to put the time and effort in, or that he didn't have one clue about what he was doing and was hoping you'd tell him  what to do, by  telling him what people online said was proper.

He needs to figure it out for himself and stop hoping others will do his work for him, if that's the case.

Unless of course I have mis read that and he will teach you what he wants and what is proper, strait from his mouth, and not by the hands of those online feel is proper.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

He has instructed me to get online and read and make friends and learn the proper way to do things. I tell Him it would be so much easier if He were to just tell me what it is He wishes I would change...




< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/14/2009 9:16:22 AM >

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/14/2009 9:39:30 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

quote:

how long has this been going on? weeks, months ??


This has only been going on a few weeks. I never realized there was a problem with my speech until sitting at Sir's feet one evening and Sir told me that I needed to learn to address Him properly. I've always called Him by the nickname I have for Him but not in every sentence. He has instructed me to get online and read and make friends and learn the proper way to do things. I tell Him it would be so much easier if He were to just tell me what it is He wishes I would change...
I promised Sir two short-term goals, though a time limit was not put on them...that I would stop "I" and "Me"-ing Sir to death and show more respect in my speech.  He has corrected text messaging I have sent Him and forwarded it back to me, changing "Me" and "I" to "This one". and "You" (referring to Him)  to "Sir".

Normally when we are talking in person I am kneeling at Sir's feet, sometimes looking up at Sir and sometimes staring at Sir's knee because I am trying to come up with the right words. I am intimidated by NoOne, yet in His presence I'm a studdering school girl.

*Committed*



Well in that case, ask him to come on CM and tell us what he thinks is the proper way to do things. Then we can tell you. After all, what is proper for me, is not necessarily what is going to be proper for him.  I would also take into consideration that you have known him for a while and are used to calling him by his nickname. It is going to take time for you to get out of that habit. He should understand this.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/18/2009 11:56:41 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		Training is going much better now...and this one does think it has helped to see how others speak of their Masters and themselves. If Sir and I are texting or chatting online my speech has to have gotten to be almost perfect for Him. When in person though sometimes "Sir" feels forced and does not seem to fit into what we are talking about....for example if we are having an animated conversation about something that happened...I have just decided that this girl's going to go with her own comfort level...addressing Sir as properly as is possible until I make it to His level. If Sir gets impatient, then He will just have to start physically punishing this one when my queue is missed. Oooh this one might like that too much though and mess up on purpose!  He he

Another part of this is that this one is the boss at her job....when Sir comes to my job, He has never told me how He expects me to talk to Him/react to Him and it made for a very uncomfortable conversation a few nights ago where Sir ended up saying He was disappointed in me. Now this one has to find a happy medium there that will still show Sir the respect he deserves, yet not compromise my position with my employees.

This one is not ashamed of who she is, but is not sure she wishes to share that she is a slave with those under her. I am very dominant at work and have been dubbed "The Terminator" by my boss and usually get to deal with the more unruly ones because I can  handle them.... 
Not that this one would ever waiver in her dominance at work, but they fear me (yes some of them fear me) and do as I say because of my dominant side. To see me as totally submissive/slave, this one is afraid would damage my image, temporarily of course, but why deal with that drama when we don't have to? There's a time and place for everything....

< Message edited by SubOnlyForHim -- 9/18/2009 12:02:11 PM >

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/18/2009 12:40:18 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

I am owned, though not collared. I'm here seeking friends only and advice, lots of advice. I desire the knowledge to make my Sir proud. My biggest problem is Speech...Sir says I do not address him properly or speak properly most of the time. I am getting better at this, slowly, but feel very awkward when I speak to Sir because I fear there will be a need to be corrected. Sir has been very patient with me, but I wish to not keep testing his patience. Is anyone able to help me?


Sounds like all you need is practice, maybe tape up a picture of him and talk to it

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/18/2009 12:49:43 PM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		That sounds like a very good idea...if only this one had a picture of Sir. Walking on eggshells today, may ask tomorrow.

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/18/2009 2:03:39 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

o.0 So he wants you to use third person speech?

*headdesks*

I'm sorry that's a hard limit for me.....I have absolutely no advice for you deary.

If H/he S/starts M/making Y/you T/type L/like T/this...RUN!!!!!!!!!

(really...just kidding if that's his kink...but that would have me safe wording all over the damn place, it makes my brain hurt)



Now Sunny.... you've gone and hurt my feelings! You know how much I love formal and 3rd-person speech, elegantly done...

*smiles*
Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/18/2009 3:19:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So he's deliberately showing up at your office, trying to publicly demean you and make you lose your power over your subordinates.
He's got somebody else but isn't introducing you, instead he just tells you that she does it better.
He doesn't know what he wants and tells you to read his mind. Or worse does know what he wants but won't tell you so that he can keep on telling you how incompetent you are.

And why are any of these healthy behaviors? How is any of this, undermining your career, destroying your self confidence, setting you up to fail - how on earth does any of this come under the heading of protecting the property?
If you were a car, what he's doing is the equivalent of keying his own car and smashing it's headlights!

You deserve better than this.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/18/2009 4:43:43 PM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		This one was somewhat at fault for the work incident. This one invited Sir to stop by my work for something. It did not occur to me until He was there, that we had not discussed this and OMG how do I address Him and YIKES!

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/18/2009 7:30:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Only, it should not have been needed to be discussed. He should care enough about your success to have you introduce him as John Doe and address him as John. Demanding anything else, especially this third party stuff, would only damage your career. And if he cares more about his instant gratification then outing you in front of your staff, you have greater troubles then remembering to say "this one".

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/18/2009 7:34:10 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		He sounds like a clueless douche.

_____________________________



(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/19/2009 7:31:58 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

This one was somewhat at fault for the work incident. This one invited Sir to stop by my work for something. It did not occur to me until He was there, that we had not discussed this and OMG how do I address Him and YIKES!


I would hope that a grown man would have enough sense not to act like "your Master" at your job, without the two of you discussing it first. Most people don't try to sabotage their partners careers just to feed their own ego.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/20/2009 7:26:35 AM   
oceanwyndsLoves


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/15/2009
Status: offline 		Being in a new relationship is always difficult and I do understand that and am going through the newness and changes myself.

When I met Sir, he order me to stay out of D/s rooms, and since he knew I was deleting my collarme name he agreed to that as well. At first, i thought it odd, but have come to understand why. It made me go to Sir first to ask questions, and get his preferrance. He has instructed me on the areas he felt I needed to know, for instance, ending a sentence with Sir. When together there are times that i may use his given name, and times to not. With that said, i have to admit his way helped me the most. Instead of filtering my mind with other's suggestions, I got clear cut answers from Sir. That though is just stating for myself, and not saying should be the way for everyone. It also showed me that Sir was open to communication, which is helpful.

This past week, I did request to ask Sir if I could come back to collarme. He asked me why, and when i explained he agreed.

best of luck
oceanwynds

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: New Here/ Speech - 9/20/2009 4:44:28 PM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

I do and have always felt submissive to Him, even before the dynamics of our relationship changed from vanilla boyfriend/girlfriend to Master/slave. I do not understand the point of third person. My guess is someone else speaks this way to Him and He likes it. Why do I have to be like everyone else? Our relationship has gone on far longer than His with either of His others. We will always share things that it is impossible for Him to share with anyone else. Why must I speak the way they do? It makes me angry. I love Him, would go to the ends of the earth for Him. I do believe He feels the same for me...We've broken up, always end up back together.....He's disowned me once and brought me back into His life telling me "Admit it or not I STILL own you". The more I talk to everyone the worse I feel.

Seems to me now Sir is only trying to distance Himself from me, trying to NOT have the love we've always had. He is a new Master and I am new to being labeled a slave, though even before the label it's what I've truly always been to Him, but my feelings toward Him have never wavered.

I should speak with Him about this but am terrified He will turn me away again. I cannot keep risking that He will keep wanting me back. I should just give in to His wishes to keep the Master I love so dearly.

*Committed* 
~The more answers I get, the more questions I have.~






Re-reading this and everyone's replies, thinking about what this one wrote in that part of this post makes this one think she was likely very much being a brat and her insecurities in her relationship were coming out. This one is NOT jealous, not at all, never have been...not even when this one's life was "vanilla".  Not that this one's life has ever truly been vanilla!

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to oceanwyndsLoves)
Profile   Post #: 37
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