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SthrnCom4t -> RE: Intimacy tainting a relationship? (9/9/2009 5:08:38 PM)
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I think the BDSM world has facets just like vanilla. Some are just there for the physical, and some want a more involved connection. Physical intimacy can happen in seconds, be that a hug, flipping a skirt, or unzipping a zipper. Mental and emotional intimacy grow over time and shared experiences.
For most people, I think we're capable of enjoying all aspects, and in some situations, it doesn't have to be complex or long term.
When I newly discovered BDSM, I entered from the submissive prospect. I was married, and finding power exchange completely changed my life, and my needs in a partner. I had never been physically intimate with someone I didn't have an emotional connection with, and I was almost 30. Over the next several years, I wanted to experience different aspects of BDSM play, but I wasn't in an exclusive relationship, so I learned to enjoy slices of the pie, individually, without having the whole pie.
Now, it is completely determined by the individual. It almost never starts out as physical and goes long term. Before Otter, I was ok with indulging my physical side, but knew I was looking for the whole package. Of course, My standards are much more stringent when considering buying as opposed to a *short term lease*. <grin>
BDSM/power exchange, is exceptionally intimate, IMO. The titilation factor and degree of power exchange can be influenced by 'the unknown'. Lack of knowledge can promote *fear*, which can heighten the experience, etc. When people seek low mental/emotional intimacy connections, are they really 'thrill seeking?'
Starting a connection in one area, absolutely has the potential for opening doors and over-flowing into others. I learned that the hard way. (topic for a different discussion)
Most important though, is knowing yourself and being authentic so you can be honest with other people. Also realizing you are dynamic, and constantly evolving with each new encounter/connection. Look at other's behavior, not just believe blindly what they say, as there is 'the ideal' and 'the reality'. Seek others who appear to be compatible with what you want, and don't try to be something you aren't, just to please another.
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