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What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 8:49:48 AM   
mvmike


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		I have been looking for a sub. But it seems like all I get are subs that after the first email want to move in with me. When I ask to meet there is always some circumstance that prevents the meeting. This throws up red flags for me. My understanding of a sub is that they are people who want someone they trust to take control and provide structure to their life. What I am looking for is a sub that is looking to explore life and each other to build a trust that allows the sub to give her man absolute control. How does a dom attract quality sub and avoid these scammers?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 9:10:19 AM   
slaveToKnight


Posts: 100
Joined: 8/2/2009
Status: offline 		Looking online here I think it is just a case of doing the numbers, finding the needle in the haystack. You may have more luck going to a local group or munch so that you have already met the sub face to face. 

(in reply to mvmike)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 9:13:11 AM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Meeting your match takes time and patience regardless of the side your kneel on. It is not an easy journey especially if your only source is online. For me, I look for someone who has common ground with me outside of the "kink" factor, who peeks my interests and can keep it and honestly there needs to be some kind of physical attraction there.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to slaveToKnight)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 9:51:58 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mvmike

I have been looking for a sub. But it seems like all I get are subs that after the first email want to move in with me. When I ask to meet there is always some circumstance that prevents the meeting. This throws up red flags for me. My understanding of a sub is that they are people who want someone they trust to take control and provide structure to their life. What I am looking for is a sub that is looking to explore life and each other to build a trust that allows the sub to give her man absolute control. How does a dom attract quality sub and avoid these scammers?

You profile need to reflect your qualities of a human being and as a man. Focusing on the bdsm aspects would be premature, for if they do not desire you as a man; your lifestyle interests are moot. I would suggest that you post in the welcome forum and respectfully ask that they review it and offer their suggestions. Post in the forums; let them get a feeling of what you are about. Go to munches and sloshes to get yourself noticed

As far as the scammers; many come from the UK, you can set to your profile to send those emails to your bulk mail. Learn to recognize so of the characteristics of a scammer.
!- They do not view not view your profile
2- They ask you into chat, giving you an IM address
3- They have no real concept of the English language
4- They take a long time to answer yes or no question
5 Their profile is usually pretty barren or they come across as too good to be true
6 they usually have only one picture
7 Some of their questions and answers are off the wall

The scammers I have encountered are nothing more than a poorly written computer program and I do not believe you actually speak or are emailing a real person


_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to mvmike)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 9:54:24 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		We all get contacts from the scammers.  The question is, how do you get/keep the real subs interested?

Step one is filling in your profile.  Why would any woman be interested in a man who says nothing about himself?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 10:01:27 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Subs look for big dongs. If you don't have a big dong, you can just as well move elsewhere.*



*I'm not supposed to be taken seriously


_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 11:45:57 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mvmike

I have been looking for a sub. But it seems like all I get are subs that after the first email want to move in with me. When I ask to meet there is always some circumstance that prevents the meeting. This throws up red flags for me. My understanding of a sub is that they are people who want someone they trust to take control and provide structure to their life. What I am looking for is a sub that is looking to explore life and each other to build a trust that allows the sub to give her man absolute control. How does a dom attract quality sub and avoid these scammers?


activities we place value upon generally receive time and attention. you have devoted none to your profile and present a name with a few items checked. why would someone that has done what you have not believe you're sincerely seeking? for every person that will send a note in spite of this, you have dozens that will not. your profile is your calling card, and is akin to a resume of sorts. you're providing a snapshot of yourself with the hope that one who is seeking the same will find something attractive in what you've shared. if you fail to bait the hook with anything of merit, who's fault is that?

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to mvmike)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 11:54:27 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Subs look for big dongs. If you don't have a big dong, you can just as well move elsewhere.*



*I'm not supposed to be taken seriously



hahahahaha   That must be why some Doms used to send me pictures of theirs...some obviously photo-shopped.  lmao

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 11:55:00 AM   
mvmike


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks

I have updated my profile now. Any comments would be appreciated.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 12:08:05 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mvmike

What I am looking for is a sub that is looking to explore life and each other to build a trust that allows the sub to give her man absolute control. How does a dom attract quality sub and avoid these scammers?


When I was looking, I looked for the filled-out profiles, the ones that told me about the person & what they were like other than just the kink.  The essay portion of a profile is good for doing that.  I looked for someone who was interested in me, not just in my kink....someone who wanted to know me as a person first and they would take the time to get to know me, before talking kink....which is what Sir did & that's why I wear His collar now.   

We all have to deal with the scammers.....all we can do is sort through and delete.  Also the Mail Controls might help a little.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to mvmike)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 12:17:33 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mvmike

Thanks

I have updated my profile now. Any comments would be appreciated.


i don't typically do this. but i'm having coffee so you're lucky. a profile should contain the following:

background information about you
brevity should reflect your level of comfort. some are willing to share more than others.

your experience or lack of
if the latter is the case what makes you dominant? you have to counter the inexperience with something. reference other experiences that demonstrate your leadership or ability to do so. definitely indicate your willingness to learn. if participating in the leather community is not possible be sure to note it or tell prospective suitors.

what qualities you bring to the table
don't limit yourself to vanilla stuff either. mix it up.

what you're seeking in the other person
if you haven't considered your deal breakers do it. if you don't like smokers, children, etc. can you relocate or are you willing to bring an out of state girl to you? be honest. save everyone some keystrokes.

outside interests
hey, no one does this all the time. most normal people appreciate balance.

a magnet
what is it about you that separates you from everyone else? why should a girl place herself in your inexperienced hands? what kind of woman are you hoping to appeal to? the latter usually dictates how you present yourself.

you can view my profile and journal entry for reference. best of luck in your search.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to mvmike)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 12:36:57 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Subs look for big dongs. If you don't have a big dong, you can just as well move elsewhere.*



*I'm not supposed to be taken seriously



hahahahaha   That must be why some Doms used to send me pictures of theirs...some obviously photo-shopped.  lmao


If I did that, I would have to photoshop mine to reduce the size so it would fit within a wide angle shot.  Just sayin'.

OP, I read your revised profile and it seems honest and states what you're looking for.  I have to mention that if I were a female sub. I'd give you high marks for your last paragraph's honesty and simplicity.  I've heard some subs tell me how sick they are of "Doms" misrepresenting their experience.  However, I would suggest a less grainy pic.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 12:50:36 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I see this happening a lot. Someone will post a scribe about difficulties finding someone, and a number of well known members of the group will come along and state: "You're best off going to a munch or finding someone in person rather than looking online" and almost always, those people are completely ignored, and the person will listen to only the people who tell him to change his profile. And then he'll ask for further help on the profile.

And then two months later, we'll get another new thread about why it's so hard to find someone.

TRY BOTH PROCEDURES if you want to succeed. But no one ever does.

::shakes head and stares angrily at his stuffed animals who stare angrily back at him::


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to mvmike)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 12:55:22 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If I did that, I would have to photoshop mine to reduce the size so it would fit within a wide angle shot.  Just sayin'.



Back when I was in the service, the local girls at foreign posts used to really be into size. Never understood it. Had one girl state to me at a club, "Dear, I only date men with ten inch dicks" to which I promptly responded, "Honey, I wouldn't cut my dick in half for nobody." Didn't get the girl, but I got all of her female friends to laugh at her. You take your victories where you can get them sometimes.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 1:02:18 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		I just read your profile, Mike. You have a list of likes and dislikes, but very little about who you are as a person. What do you do for fun?

Do you like music, the outdoors, horror movies, science fiction?

What special skills do you have?

People reading your profile like to have these questions answered.


_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 1:27:30 PM   
mvmike


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/15/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks, for the comments

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 1:42:35 PM   
SilentSpark


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline 		And...Please....get a better picture of yourself. Yes, we're supposed to look for "inner beauty" but first impression is very important. A better picture will get you better results. You can't expect people look past your appearance before they get to know you. It doesn't need to be professional pictures, find a spot with better lighting, better background, get a friend to take a picture for you. A "whatever" picture will say just that -- "whatever".

If you're sincere, you need to show it in every aspect.

(edited for typo)

< Message edited by SilentSpark -- 9/6/2009 1:43:55 PM >

(in reply to mvmike)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 2:25:56 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If I did that, I would have to photoshop mine to reduce the size so it would fit within a wide angle shot.  Just sayin'.



Back when I was in the service, the local girls at foreign posts used to really be into size. Never understood it. Had one girl state to me at a club, "Dear, I only date men with ten inch dicks" to which I promptly responded, "Honey, I wouldn't cut my dick in half for nobody." Didn't get the girl, but I got all of her female friends to laugh at her. You take your victories where you can get them sometimes.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/6/2009 7:48:18 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		What do I do? Honestly? I make a note that someone is dom then I put it to the back of my mind, pretend that I know nothing about BDSM, have never heard the acronym, and I do as you would without this awareness and approach them as a person and try to get to know them as a person. Then if they're interested in me as a person, and I'm interested in them as a person, I suddenly remember that we are both interested in BDSM and take it from there.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to mvmike)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What Subs Look for - 9/7/2009 12:13:52 AM   
SilentSpark


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

What do I do? Honestly? I make a note that someone is dom then I put it to the back of my mind, pretend that I know nothing about BDSM, have never heard the acronym, and I do as you would without this awareness and approach them as a person and try to get to know them as a person. Then if they're interested in me as a person, and I'm interested in them as a person, I suddenly remember that we are both interested in BDSM and take it from there.


I seriously hope half of the doms I talked to has your attitude, and stop "demanding" respect, or calling me names! Gee.... I mean, are they going to call random people "slut" or "pet" in real life? No? then what make them think they can call me as such?! Just because I'm a sub?

It gets my nerve every time.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 20
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