Resume of Service

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DavanKael -> Resume of Service (9/6/2009 1:39:48 PM)
About a year ago, I attended a seminar that was called a "Servant's Retreat". The presenter has been in the bdsm community for over 30 years and had gone from s-type to D-type in her orientation across the years (Though, interestingly, never mentioned considering herself a switch). Anyway, the service thread reminded me of the seminar and of the resume that the presenter handed out of skills that she brought in service to a particular D-type and these ranged from anything to: bookkeeping/accounting to bootblacking to formal dinnerparty etiquette and hosting to sexual skills that she believed a D-type might find interesting. I belive she also included medical status, etc. It was rather thorough. While I can't imagine going into a relationship with someone and handing them my relationship resume, it is an intersting concept and I'm starting this thread to see if others have heard of such things, their thoughts on such things, and if they want to, giving listing their strengths a whirl. That last part was something that I found real value in: someone cueing in on their strengths enough to be able to put pen to paper over them. And, of course D-types really could form the same sort of resume. :> Anyway, have fun. :> Davan

leadership527 -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:03:02 PM)
For me, I could've read her entire laundry list o' stuff and walked away not knowing anything that mattered to me. The only "skills" I would care about almost certainly did not appear there, eg: Teamwork skills Communication skills Discipline skills Self-control skills and yes, submissiveness As is always true with me, the rest is just window dressing. The way I figure it, anyone who actually has the relationship skills I'd be looking for would quickly learn whatever else I needed. It's kind of like hiring at work. I was way more interested in candidates with a proven ability to learn quickly than I was any particular skill set. Afterall, the person who can learn quickly will learn whatever it is they need to know in order to succeed.

DavanKael -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:12:39 PM)
As usual, we agree, Jeff! :> Davan I find that a lot of people don't know what their strengths are: that was the biggest 'plus' in what she was proposing, imo: getting people to look at themselves and to cite what they bring to the table.

DesFIP -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:21:52 PM)
God forbid he chose me for what I could do. That's too cold an arrangement for me. For us the intangibles count more, love, kindness, caring, etc.

sravaka -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:32:42 PM)
Hi Davan.... I'll probably regret this, but... aaargh! I have no particular skills in shining silver or blacking boots, or whatever, but I know I am 1) infinitely obedient, when provoked, 2) extremely empathetic, regardless, 3) utterly devoted to someone who captures my attention. The rest can be learned.

littlewonder -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:34:44 PM)
I much rather prefer getting to know someone by talking, hanging out, doing things together. I can learn more that way than any other way. A relationship resume just sounds cold and narrow to me.

agirl -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:42:01 PM)
No, it really wouldn't be my style at all. I wouldn't be interested in reading what skills someone has, or what strengths they consider they have, but would rather just discover them along with everything else, over time. By the same token, I prefer someone to get to know me in the same way. agirl

Acer49 -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:49:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael About a year ago, I attended a seminar that was called a "Servant's Retreat". The presenter has been in the bdsm community for over 30 years and had gone from s-type to D-type in her orientation across the years (Though, interestingly, never mentioned considering herself a switch). Anyway, the service thread reminded me of the seminar and of the resume that the presenter handed out of skills that she brought in service to a particular D-type and these ranged from anything to: bookkeeping/accounting to bootblacking to formal dinnerparty etiquette and hosting to sexual skills that she believed a D-type might find interesting. I belive she also included medical status, etc. It was rather thorough. While I can't imagine going into a relationship with someone and handing them my relationship resume, it is an intersting concept and I'm starting this thread to see if others have heard of such things, their thoughts on such things, and if they want to, giving listing their strengths a whirl. That last part was something that I found real value in: someone cueing in on their strengths enough to be able to put pen to paper over them. And, of course D-types really could form the same sort of resume. :> Anyway, have fun. :> Davan Everyone gives a list, you just don't realize it as it is done through verbal communication so it appears more subtle

marie2 -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:52:22 PM)
I went through this one time with a dominant I was involved with, who in the beginning, wanted me to list my skills and ways that I could serve him. It made me feel uncomfortable and I found it to be kind of a cold way to get to know someone. Sure, I have some skills and strengths, but to me, chemistry is much more important. As Sravaka said, the rest can be learned. I'd rather be wanted for who I am, my willingness to be pleasing, and how I make him feel rather than how well I can type, do accounting, or polish his boots.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 2:57:14 PM)
It always surprises me (though after all this time one would think I would be accustomed to it) when people say that a relationship based on service is "cold". Again, like the discussion about TPE, I suspect that the issue is lack of experience with the concept, and the incapacity to comprehend something when seeing it only from the outside. Most of those who have come to us as servants have come with their resume in hand, or have completed one at our direction. More than half of our servants have reached the level of "family" in our household. Every -one- of our servants was cherished -and- respected for their skills and dedication, and for the spirit of the person that they brought to our family... but having the knowledge of those skills before we knew anything else about one another certainly smoothed the way for knowing that they would be a good fit for what our household desired. I don't have a problem with people saying "hey, I don't think that would work well for me."... where I have a problem is when people make statements that would make it seem like other people's choices are somehow -inferior- to their own, or that other people's ways of doing what they do is somehow more demeaning and less fulfilling than their way. For those who practice service-based relationships, I can see where a resume of skills, in combination with the interpersonal connection, would make for a very well-balanced presentation. I have to say that I would be most impressed with a servant who came to me prepared, with a tool that showed me how what xhe enjoyed doing and did well fit into the household that I was shaping. As far as the resume from the other end of the frame -- I think that it is valuable for the dominant individual to know what xhe prefers, and to be able to explain/express that. Being able to express the D-type aspect of what one brings to the mix and the expectations will help to begin the discussions on common ground, or save everyone the effort of pursuing something that will eventually prove to be less than fulfilling (or, worst case, completely miserable). Dame Calla

littlewonder -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 3:03:17 PM)
quote: when people say that a relationship based on service is "cold". Again, I suspect that the issue is lack of experience with the concept. I didn't mean it was cold as in inferior or I feel I am better. I meant cold as in not intimate, not a long term committed loving relationship with someone who is like my second skin. Since I'm not poly or into the whole servant household type of thing, for me to be in such a situation would just not feel intimate to me. It would feel more like a work based relationship or at the very most a friendship based relationship.

porcelaine -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 3:07:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael About a year ago, I attended a seminar that was called a "Servant's Retreat". The presenter has been in the bdsm community for over 30 years and had gone from s-type to D-type in her orientation across the years (Though, interestingly, never mentioned considering herself a switch). Anyway, the service thread reminded me of the seminar and of the resume that the presenter handed out of skills that she brought in service to a particular D-type and these ranged from anything to: bookkeeping/accounting to bootblacking to formal dinnerparty etiquette and hosting to sexual skills that she believed a D-type might find interesting. I belive she also included medical status, etc. It was rather thorough. While I can't imagine going into a relationship with someone and handing them my relationship resume, it is an intersting concept and I'm starting this thread to see if others have heard of such things, their thoughts on such things, and if they want to, giving listing their strengths a whirl. That last part was something that I found real value in: someone cueing in on their strengths enough to be able to put pen to paper over them. And, of course D-types really could form the same sort of resume. :> Anyway, have fun. :> Davan i have attended servants retreat in the past. Lady Catherine is very well known and widely respected in the leather community. she has been on both sides of the paddle and doesn't utilize the term because she does them both simultaneously. as for the resume she provides, it gives a prospective owner an overview of ones skills, experience, education, medical history, and the other pertinent information an individual may wish to have to make an informed decision. similar information is collected and compiled into a slave file which some owners elect to create and maintain. her style is very akin to what you might find in internal enslavement or managerial styled power exchanges. to say she is meticulous is an understatement, but she knows her craft very well. based upon my experiences at the retreat and personal conversations with her, i opted to do the same. i provide a shortened version of such on my profile which gives some indication of what i want and what i have to offer. the dominants i speak with generally are seeking something specific and pose questions ranging from interests, dreams, psychological makeup, and so on. what they are attempting to gauge is how well this person (me in this case) will fit into their world and their style of dominance. i believe it is a wonderful exercise and provides real transparency which all slaves aspire to do. my owner should be innately aware of what he's getting himself into and not merely be shown the prettier sides instead. her resume provides a springboard that you can utilize in crafting your own. there are other methods available to achieve the same vain. i believe it is a useful tool for both. i found it shed great light on my attributes and the other elements i might wish to downplay. which offered new opportunities for continued growth and a deeper acquiesce. porcelaine

sravaka -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 3:18:38 PM)
quote: For those who practice service-based relationships, I can see where a resume of skills, in combination with the interpersonal connection, would make for a very well-balanced presentation. I suppose that the perception of a resume as "cold" stems from its independence from the interpersonal factor? which many others (if I read them correctly) view as the primary component. I'm perceiving, via recent threads, an unexpectedly sharp distinction between "service-oriented" D/s and some other kind. I don't think the other kind is rare, and yet I have no quick, by-contrast word for it. Personally, I seek a combination of intimate pair-bond plus service. I don't deny the intimacy of service that does not include a loverly (so to speak) pair bond.... I have no doubt that service can be wonderfully intimate and fulfilling on its own, even for those who ultimately seek a pair bond. But somehow/somewhere, I perceive pure servants as forced to put some aspects of themselves on hold? or to be free of such aspects, whether naturally or calculatedly? I'd really like to be corrected if this perception is incorrect, though I'm not sure that I have explained adequately.

marie2 -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 3:27:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW I don't have a problem with people saying "hey, I don't think that would work well for me."... where I have a problem is when people make statements that would make it seem like other people's choices are somehow -inferior- to their own, or that other people's ways of doing what they do is somehow more demeaning and less fulfilling than their way. I used the word "cold" too, but I don't think other people's choices are inferior at all. I used to actually prefer a colder or more "business like" relationship, until I experienced it a couple of times and realized how unfulfilling it had become for me. This is not to say that it's wrong or unfulfilling for others of course.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 3:32:35 PM)
quote: Personally, I seek a combination of intimate pair-bond plus service. I don't deny the intimacy of service that does not include a loverly (so to speak) pair bond.... I have no doubt that service can be wonderfully intimate and fulfilling on its own, even for those who ultimately seek a pair bond. But somehow/somewhere, I perceive pure servants as forced to put some aspects of themselves on hold? or to be free of such aspects, whether naturally or calculatedly? I think that would be true, if the requirement were in place to set aside any romantic relationships while in the domestic/service contract. I know that isn't the way we handle things (our servants are both allowed and encouraged to develop personal relationships, with the sole condition that those relationships cannot interfere with the agreed-upon service requirements or cause strife in the House), but it does make me wonder, for those who are not poly, how such a disparity might play out if the dominant-type individual did not want the servant to have any interaction or relationship outside of the service relationship. Dame Calla

LadyPact -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 6:36:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael I'm starting this thread to see if others have heard of such things, their thoughts on such things, and if they want to, giving listing their strengths a whirl. That last part was something that I found real value in: someone cueing in on their strengths enough to be able to put pen to paper over them. And, of course D-types really could form the same sort of resume. :> Anyway, have fun. :> Davan It's this last part that I honestly find interesting. I've never taken this approach personally, but I can absolutely see how it could have a positive effect for those who do need to learn how to focus on their strengths. Not everyone does that automatically. It could be very helpful to those who could use a bit more self esteem or may feel somewhat intimidated because they haven't formally trained in service. I think it's important for s types focus on the things they can do, rather than the things they can't do. Not everybody starting in this life is going to have boot blacking as a skill or tea service or have experience in organizing lifestyle events. That doesn't mean they don't have skills. It just means they have different ones. Come to think of it, the practice might help the s type to recognize what they wish was on their resume. It may bring to light that thing that they want to learn and how they might want to take steps to obtain it.

AnimusRex -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 7:02:29 PM)
Interesting thought- I agree with Acer's comment, that in a more hidden fashion, we all submit a description of "why you should choose me" even if it is masked and subtle. What is a profile if not a thinly veiled "here are my best qualities, and on behalf of the band and myself I hope we pass the audition"? But about a spcific written list, I can see the allure of this. If you are looking for a love relationship, it probably seems a bit distant and objective; But there are many who find that exactly what they want- some people are looking less for a romantic love relationship than a service-oriented one, where romance and love are incidental to the service provided. I am thinking of high protocol arrangements, where there are specifc terms of address, or eye contact restrictions, and so forth, or for that matter, objectification which is a kink in itself- these can be wildly erotic. But as I have found even in the business world, a resume conceals as much as it illuminates- and even after a face to face interview, a new hire is always a crapshoot.

porcelaine -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 7:35:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex But as I have found even in the business world, a resume conceals as much as it illuminates- and even after a face to face interview, a new hire is always a crapshoot. as in business, our personal relationship agreements can be terminated when deception has been discovered. it would seem pointless to exert this sort of effort to undermine the very thing both are seeking to build. however there's always the lone exception to standards of decorum. porcelaine

DavanKael -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 7:57:51 PM)
Thank you all for your replies thus far, I am finding each an interesting read. :> LadyPact cued in on precisely where I found the strengths of this idea personally: people so often focus on what htey can't do or haven't done or they posture and fixate on certain traits: how interesting to see it put on paper. I personally wouldn't have it be the be-all, end all of a relationship but thought some might find it an interesting contemplation. I ran across my notebook from the retreat awhile ago and was pondering it in an off-handed way (Laundry, re-pot plants, efficacy of D/s resume, pay x-bill, etc.). Davan

Musicmystery -> RE: Resume of Service (9/6/2009 7:59:02 PM)
quote: I have no particular skills in shining silver or blacking boots, or whatever, but I know I am 1) infinitely obedient, when provoked, 2) extremely empathetic, regardless, 3) utterly devoted to someone who captures my attention. The rest can be learned. You're hired. You start Monday.

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