Emotions

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curiouskitten8 -> Emotions (9/6/2009 11:05:32 PM)
Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene?

aldompdx -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 1:57:06 AM)
Self control is the definition of mastery (or should be). One who has mastered their own feelings, not merely repressed or denied them, will not be "taken over" by their feelings or thoughts at any time. Instead, they will consciously exercise self will and free choice over the degree to which they will allow a feeling to influence their action. One who is a master of self is not controlled by reaction to their own feelings and thoughts. Sadly, a great many self proclaimed "masters" attempt to impose control upon others to compensate for their own lack of inner self control. A master of self earns respect and inspires the confident surrender of another by always demonstrating their own open hearted self control.

DarkSteven -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 3:40:07 AM)
The Top needs to control his or her emotions. However, the bottom will often get a flood of emotion... a good bottoming session can do that. There are some spankos that use a spanking for stress relief, for example. Scolding beforehand can put a bottom into a headspace where guilt, etc. can be evoked during a spanking. I'm not sure why a bottom would want to control their feelings. Let 'em out - it's a catharsis and healthy to let go.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 3:59:48 AM)
From a sub point of view...I almost always get angry. It's my natural reaction for me when someone hits me. Some days I'm able to accept it when it's happening and some days I fight back and suffer the consequences of that decision. Either way, I'm never allowed to filter my emotions. That's unacceptable to him. And then there are the times when I laugh, smile and joke with him. I don't filter those emotions either and neither does he.

ranja -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 4:15:02 AM)
Depending on the time of the month my emotions can be overwhelming... it is not that i lose total control but i can most definitely be on a very wilde ride at times... my Husband is much more disciplined and closed as a person, the stiff upperlip Englishman type... not a talker... He might laugh heartily or be angry but He is not as emotional as i am... He loves to ride my highs and lows and He is also very skilled at steering me a certainway and back again.

Acer49 -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 4:18:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8 Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? No, It is unwise to scene if you are experiencing emotions. A Dominant must be in control his emotions at all times, in or out of a scene. I focus on what I am doing and the condition of sub at all times during a scene. How do you? you simply do. I would assume a high maturity level has been factored into it

Aileen1968 -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 4:36:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Acer49 quote: ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8 Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? No, It is unwise to scene if you are experiencing emotions. A Dominant must be in control his emotions at all times, in or out of a scene. I focus on what I am doing and the condition of sub at all times during a scene. How do you? you simply do. I would assume a high maturity level has been factored into it I think that's kind of unrealistic to think that a dominant feels no emotion while scening (I hate that term). Or that a dominant is always in control of their emotions. Perhaps it's more realistic to say that dominants don't let their negative emotions overwhelm themselves to the point of lack of control.

agirl -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 5:01:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 From a sub point of view...I almost always get angry. It's my natural reaction for me when someone hits me. Some days I'm able to accept it when it's happening and some days I fight back and suffer the consequences of that decision. Either way, I'm never allowed to filter my emotions. That's unacceptable to him. And then there are the times when I laugh, smile and joke with him. I don't filter those emotions either and neither does he. Ditto to much of that. I feel what I feel.....and sometimes I feel cross and rebellious when I'm being struck. I don't control my emotions when we engage in activities...I do the opposite......I let go of them, eventually. Sometimes I try to hang on to them but that isn't what he wants and he will continue to push until I let go of those reins. It simply means it's a harder and longer process at times. Emotions from the day don't ever take over but they might come spilling out, during. Yes, I feel other strong emotions such as deep feelings of devotion bordering on worship, incredible gratefulness and quite a few that are not directly related to him. HE, however, does not do this and in his view, shouldn't. Whatever he feels, he has to be in control because of the fact that I am not. agirl

ShoreBound149 -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 7:14:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Acer49 No, It is unwise to scene if you are experiencing emotions. Really? Then why bother? I experience an intense wide range of emotions when we are expressing ourselves. It's the craving of those heightened emotions that draws us to exploring all the unique ways there are to interact with each other. I can experience a deep wide range of emotions and still have 100% control of my actions. We saw a virtually emotionless scene by both participants in Paddles in NYC. After a little time, it just started to look silly.

LadyPact -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 7:20:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Acer49 No, It is unwise to scene if you are experiencing emotions. A Dominant must be in control his emotions at all times, in or out of a scene. I focus on what I am doing and the condition of sub at all times during a scene. How do you? you simply do. I would assume a high maturity level has been factored into it I disagree. I may expand later.

littlewonder -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 8:19:38 AM)
Sure..I've become angry or let the day get to me me emotionally. Master either allows it and takes me until I'm in a pile of tears because I needed the cathartic release or he reminds me with a slap or a hairpull or something like that that I'm being disobedient and that I'm there to pleasure him, not to think of myself. At that point I bite my tongue and get on with it the best that I can.

gracesky -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 8:20:24 AM)
i think that experiencing emotions during a scene is fine, however, maintaining control of them is of utmost importance.

dove967 -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 8:37:45 AM)
I can understand a Top "turning off" that emotion switch in the head so He doesn't get distracted or confused by whatever the bottom may feel or express. His focus needs to be on executing the scene safely. Emotions can become a filter that warps the way the Top interprets all the bits and pieces of information he's gathering from the scene as a whole. That's why I believe safe words are important thing to have. That way, the Top knows not to change the course of the scene unless He hears that one word....no matter what the bottom may say, do, or what amount of distress they appear to be in. As for we bottoms, we wouldn't be human if all that physical and psychological stimulus DIDN'T evoke some intense emotions of some kind. I usually experience anger when my Dom increases the pain level and I have to adjust and work through it to get to the other side of it. But, I don't get angry at my Sir at all, my anger is directed towards the pain. Psychologically, for me, it becomes an entity all it's own that I fight with in order to arrive at a deeper level of subspace. I can be very stubborn about not letting the pain win by forcing me to use a safeword and I will growl, curse , and yell in order achieve my victory over it. I'm quite a sight during this fight, but, my Sir is very famililar with it and knows it to be a sign that he needs to maintain the current level of pain and give me time to conquer that old enemy. dove

trappedinamuseum -> RE: Emotions (9/7/2009 8:51:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8 Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? Me trying to control my emotions would be defeating his purpose (and my longing) to make me lose control of those emotions. I tend to hold them in as tightly as I can, so I think he finds great pleasure in drawing them out. Now, in saying that, it doesn't mean that they get to take precedence over everything. There is a time and place for that kind of emotive release, and I find scening is one of the best places for it, in my experience.

NuevaVida -> RE: Emotions (9/8/2009 10:53:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8 Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? My focus is totally on him, not on my day or on anything else. My emotions become extremely heightened, though, so any emotions that come up during that time are beyond what they normally would have been. As for a dominant not having emotions when he "scenes" (count me amongst those who hate that word, although I understand its use), no thank you. I would hate if he were emotionless - what ignites me most about him is his passion. This doesn't mean he's totally out of control; just that he might come across stronger or milder, depending on his mood.

porcelaine -> RE: Emotions (9/8/2009 11:52:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8 Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? no, but i may have other emotional responses instead. although that isn't a constant and it truthfully depends on whether a trigger has been hit or i have other things i've been suppressing that bubble up to the surface. in some respects it is a release for me and i permit myself to purge in a manner i'd probably attempt to control otherwise outside of that. or elect to utilize a different mechanism to get it out. i don't feel that my emotions should be controlled while scening. if anything i would think the dominant would expect a very honest response from me. i can't say i'd feel differently either. letting go is an integral part of the experience. porcelaine

RavenMuse -> RE: Emotions (9/9/2009 3:18:28 AM)
Anyone who lets emotions take control during something like that shouldn't ever play and certainly doesn't deserve the label Top, let alone Dom or Master. That isn't the same as being an emotionless robot but you must be in control of them. If you are not in control your judgement is impaired, your ability to react is impaired, the bottom/sub/slave is endangered! Be able to control Yourself first before looking to control anyone else!

DavanKael -> RE: Emotions (9/9/2009 8:14:23 AM)
Such an intimate interaction devoid of emotion would just be...sad. Certainly not of interest to me. Because one feels an emotion does not make any action a foregone conclusion: emotion--thought--behavior I would hope that I and anyone with whom I am involved would understand and be able to master that concept (Regardless of side of the kneel). And, as for letting go, one of the scenarios I most long to live out with someone who loves me and who I love involves cutting loose in a way that a lot of folks who know me would find downright disconcerting. Waiting is. Davan

Shack -> RE: Emotions (9/9/2009 10:49:20 AM)
I have, rarely, experienced very strong, totally unexpected anger during a session. It has not happened in a very long time. When it did happen I stepped back from what was going on, used a rapid meditiation to regain my center and control, and then continued the session. Later, I meditated to find the source of that anger and deal with it. If my submissive wants to use a session to exorcise negative emotions from the day or from other relationships, I may allow that as long as I know about it going into the session. I prefer using methods other than BDSM play to resolve such stresses and I do not want to be surprised by a sudden, uncharacteristic release of emotion.

leadership527 -> RE: Emotions (9/9/2009 10:56:05 AM)
Carol and I don't do scenes. But given our dynamic, it's not unreasonable to say that we are in a scene 24/7. So of course I get angry from time to time... for instance these last few weeks while we're both being crabby trying to get moved. But unlike when I was her husband, I cannot simply vent out that anger. Whatever harsh words I might've said would now be backed by the full measure of my authority and that's just too creepy to think about. So if need be, I shut the hell up and walk away, but I do not command her if my own emotional state is not under some semblance of contol.

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