RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (Full Version)

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CreativeDominant -> RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (9/8/2009 12:06:25 PM)

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: DomImus
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ORIGINAL: quietlycontent
Another good rule of thumb is to only believe about five percent of what people describe

That pretty much eliminates the entire value of forums like these.
I don't know about that. I'd say that thumb rule is fairly decent for any internet forum, yet I still manage to get a lot of useful information. The trick, of course, is being able to separate the wheat from the chaffe.


Bingo!

And once you separate the wheat from the chaffe, make damn sure you take a good look at the wheat.  While what you're looking at may all be wheat, some of it may "grind" better than the rest of it. 



DesFIP -> RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (9/8/2009 12:07:08 PM)

I'm submissive to one. Most of the guys out there? I wouldn't get near them with the proverbial 10' pole.

You are probably interested in experimenting with some light bottoming. So do that and then see.
If you meet the one person who inspires you to cook for her, great. Nowhere is it written that you have to have sex with other men for your domme's viewing pleasure. Since for you, a domme who demanded that wouldn't be one you would sign up with.



leadership527 -> RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (9/8/2009 12:14:43 PM)

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
And once you separate the wheat from the chaffe, make damn sure you take a good look at the wheat.  While what you're looking at may all be wheat, some of it may "grind" better than the rest of it. 
*laughs* No joke. Actually, my technique for this is really simple. I just assume that everything everyone says is 100% true. The only thing that I really care about is whether or not whatever it is fits into my relationship or not. Once I got my feet under me a bit and so I was no longer using the labels as a lodestone, things got a whole lot simpler.



NihilusZero -> RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (9/8/2009 12:23:00 PM)

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ORIGINAL: anorak

It seems that there are those interested in the reality of BDSM and those only in the fantasy of it.

Not quite sure why it's presumed that these two are mutually exclusive; or that the latter exists separate from the former rather than as a niche of it.



shadowowl -> RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (9/8/2009 1:44:39 PM)

From my point of view very few are really happy with reality with no fantasy involved.  I mean that's more along the lines of the history of slavery and reality. (not saying there are not some that want this from both D and s sides but it's very rare I think) 
But that's just my point of view.  
To me BDSM is a mixture of reality and fantasy it is like the playing out of the fantasy in reality between people of similar mind sets.  We all have fantasies and this is a way to make them into reality for me BDSM is 100% fantasy weather it's lived out in a scene in person or just in your mind is determined by those involved.   D/s however is a reality for me even without the kink or bdsm  or any of the fantasy aspects at all. D/s is just part of me it is the reality of my life and how I am designed to be submissive to someone I love.   BDSM is what happens when the blinds are shut and it's time to play out the fantasy.  But D/s is who I am there is no question and it's not for everyone.    D/s usually does involve some BDSM but it doesnt' have to, D/s can be the overbearing husband that tells his wife what to do or the nagging wife that pussy whips the sub husband and in both cases neither may be kinky at all it's just how they are made.
The same is said for the reverse BDSM can have D/s or it could just be friends having fun in a non threatening enviroment no strings attached once it starts it's all in the Fantasy once it's over everyone is equals once again.  
For me I need D/s vanilla but am fortunate enough to have found a Domme that is also into BDSM so while she controls me 24/7 we also enjoy the fantasy aspect of BDSM in the appropriet time and place.
Find the degree of each you need or want and then it makes finding a partner that much easier :)
But that's just my point of view not everyone will agree with me I'm sure.



DomImus -> RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (9/8/2009 4:01:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
I don't know about that. I'd say that thumb rule is fairly decent for any internet forum, yet I still manage to get a lot of useful information. The trick, of course, is being able to separate the wheat from the chaff.


Yep. The best part is that one man's wheat is another man's chaff.







Andalusite -> RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (9/8/2009 8:06:01 PM)

There are a lot of things people are into, especially in terms of D/s or M/s dynamic as opposed to physical play, that would be hot to fantasise about, but would be overwhelming for me. The expectations of a lot of the Dominants here seem unreasonable and unrealistic to me, but I accept that they work for them and their partners. I'm happy that I have my Master and a female submissive playpartner who I'm very compatible with in different ways. Some folks here are pretty denigrating toward bottoms, tops, and people who are into bedroom-only D/s. I don't think there's anything wrong with them - when I was looking, I was open to D/s if it developed with someone, but it was icing, not crucial to me.



blmtrsne -> RE: The Fantasy versus Reality of BDSM (9/11/2009 3:35:25 PM)

We have a real Femdom relation. For us it means I'm important, and my slave makes an extra effort to serve me as much as possible. I myself, am always trying to be realistic. Mostly, people would only see a difference in our relation towards a vanilla relation because I'm clearly taking decisions and ordering my slave around. My slave knows my wishes so that I don't always need to order, in fact he saves up my time so that I have the luxery of spending a few hours at the theater or so. Do I beat up my slave? Yes, but only when a nasty habbit does not disappear by just ordering it. For us, it would be impossible to run around as a Mistress/slave couple in full leather with whip and cuffs. Others live their life as they wish, but that's our story. Our relation is what it is because serviong me arrouses my slave/husband, and I really like that situation.



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