your hookup is engaged you say? (Full Version)

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mixielicous -> your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 4:37:57 AM)

So, my on again off again ex and former Master, who I have been sleeping with irregularly for the past two years since our break up, is engaged. I found out through a 4th degree. I had confronted him earlier in the summer with the rumor but he adamantly denied it and we continued to rendezvous up until about a month ago when I met someone I like.

Its weird when you start to realize all the lies you have eaten up, isnt it?

They have been engaged about three months.

I kind of want to share my illicit chat log with her, but am torn on what to do. Although it is most likely take the high road, I am kind of jaded.



IrishMist -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 5:19:08 AM)

My advice; for what it's worth

Do nothing. Stay out of it from this point on.

You have met someone you say you like. Why spend wasted emotion trying to destroy the relationship of your ex?

I know. You are angry. You want to hurt him. You want HER to feel all the mistrust, anger, and disgust that you are feeling right now.

But why bother?
You have someone.

Let your emotions rest on him instead.



DarkSteven -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 5:56:16 AM)

I agree with what IrishMist said above.

There is no need for you to screw up your ex's relationship.  He is a habitual liar and cheater, and it won't be so long before she finds out.  When she does, your hands and conscience will be clean.

Also, if you were to go to her, his first reaction would be to lie about it and make up things like you are a crazy stalker who he couldn't get rid of.  In the worst case, you would get drawn into a mess that could drain energy from your current relationship.



wandersalone -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 6:11:32 AM)

firstly Mixie I am sorry you were lied to by him.

Secondly this comment by you really struck a chord with me -

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

Its weird when you start to realize all the lies you have eaten up, isnt it?


With the last person I was seeing I SO wanted to believe that he was telling the truth.  I ignored every bit of evidence I had right in front of my eyes that proved to me that he was lying regularly.  I ate up his flowery words, believed his excuses and justified his behaviours.  All the while living with that brick in the pit of my stomach because I knew that this wasn't a healthy or honest relationship.

And I will confess that the only reason we are not still in contact is because he stopped contacting me. Dumb hey??

In my brand new casual whatever it is the feeling is so different, knowing that I can expect a call when he says he will ring, or that he will be waiting outside my work to pick me up when he says he will, that he will email me when he says he will..... you get the drift.

And of course I second, third and fourth what IrishMist and others have said.  Let the wonders of karma repay him a hundredfold and you do your best to continue to have a wonderful and joyous life [:)]



pahunkboy -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 10:04:06 AM)

Take a nice bubble bath and treat yourself to some chocolate.



sewage always makes its way to the gutter.



DomImus -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 10:41:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
I kind of want to share my illicit chat log with her.


Is that what you would want if yours and her positions were reversed?





mixielicous -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 12:14:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone


In my brand new casual whatever it is the feeling is so different, knowing that I can expect a call when he says he will ring, or that he will be waiting outside my work to pick me up when he says he will, that he will email me when he says he will..... you get the drift.



Boy, do I get exactly what youre saying here, haha. Its sad though, because that is atypical of a standard relationship (sigh)

For the record, I just decided to send him an email saying congrats and GL and actually deleted him off FB (an idle threat of mine for years now).

Well, at least this way theres no regrets or what if's floating around up there.



mixielicous -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 1:44:29 PM)

Ok, I inquired with his friend, and theyve been engaged since January! Oh I feel very badly for her :(



pahunkboy -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 2:40:03 PM)

If you tell her she wont beleive you. She will think you have other motives.

I know you feel bad on this- but in my experience- it is best to stay out of other peoples affairs.

She is a big girl. She can figure out that men - often stray.





pixidustpet -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 2:46:39 PM)

i got caught up in that sort of situation...

till SHE got on his computer and found the photos he had asked me to send him.  she IMed me, got all bent out of shape, and i politely sent her the log where he had asked for that AND a whole lot more.

for some reason neither of them are online any longer.  i cant imagine why.

leave it alone.  sooner or later he's gonna screw up again and she'll find out.  in the meantime you have someone new to interact with, and may good come of it.  [:)]

kitten



pahunkboy -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 2:55:47 PM)

You also could tell him-  you best tell her as I plan to tell her on Tuesday. 

Then sit back and wait.  



porcelaine -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 5:56:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

So, my on again off again ex and former Master, who I have been sleeping with irregularly for the past two years since our break up, is engaged. I found out through a 4th degree. I had confronted him earlier in the summer with the rumor but he adamantly denied it and we continued to rendezvous up until about a month ago when I met someone I like.

Its weird when you start to realize all the lies you have eaten up, isnt it?

They have been engaged about three months.

I kind of want to share my illicit chat log with her, but am torn on what to do. Although it is most likely take the high road, I am kind of jaded.


so why is he the bad guy in this and you're the victim when you've already stated you've been sleeping together off and on for two years? did you think he wasn't seeing someone else? were you as well? also, what will doing that solve? i'd gather neither of you had a commitment to one another. you were his fuck buddy. nothing more or less. i understand that he lied. but it would seem you had a lot more expectation for something that didn't exist. perhaps you should reexamine where your anger is really coming from.

porcelaine



tazzygirl -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 6:32:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

So, my on again off again ex and former Master, who I have been sleeping with irregularly for the past two years since our break up, is engaged. I found out through a 4th degree. I had confronted him earlier in the summer with the rumor but he adamantly denied it and we continued to rendezvous up until about a month ago when I met someone I like.

Its weird when you start to realize all the lies you have eaten up, isnt it?

They have been engaged about three months.

I kind of want to share my illicit chat log with her, but am torn on what to do. Although it is most likely take the high road, I am kind of jaded.


so why is he the bad guy in this and you're the victim when you've already stated you've been sleeping together off and on for two years? did you think he wasn't seeing someone else? were you as well? also, what will doing that solve? i'd gather neither of you had a commitment to one another. you were his fuck buddy. nothing more or less. i understand that he lied. but it would seem you had a lot more expectation for something that didn't exist. perhaps you should reexamine where your anger is really coming from.

porcelaine



a lie is a lie. from someone your sleeping with, its even worse. trust broken... even on a sexual level... especially on a sexual level.

to the OP

been there!! say nothing. she wont believe. he has already spun his lies about you. trust me. there is nothing you can say or do that he hasnt already covered.



littlewonder -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 6:55:36 PM)

sorry I'm with porcelaine on this one. Figure out why you're so angry because you seem to have a lot of emotion invested in a fuck buddy.



tazzygirl -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/8/2009 7:29:06 PM)

and where did i say i was angry?



porcelaine -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/9/2009 12:01:05 AM)

i detest lying immensely. but the op bears some responsibility in this situation as well. it is unfair to paint the other party as the culprit and ignore the fact that she willingly engaged with him over a significant time frame. it is understandable that she would have a bevy of emotions toppling out. perhaps somewhere underneath it all there was a silent hope that more would come out of this and that has not occurred.

as women we have to accept that our actions may not yield the outcome we'd prefer. we cannot close our eyes to the truth or paint ourselves as makeshift martyrs when bad decisions have negative repercussions. the mere fact she was willing to lash out at an innocent party that had nothing to do with this save her engagement, demonstrates that for someone in the pairing this was far more than casual sex.

porcelaine



Rabidbunny -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/9/2009 3:43:51 AM)

Be thankful he was only a hookup and not someone you were in a serious relationship with. I was living with a guy who had cheated on me and it almost destroyed me. The best thing to do is let it go, learn from it, and move on. It's not easy, but it is what you need to do. Dwelling on what was is the best way to make you miserable, so go out and enjoy the new person in your life.



slaveluci -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/9/2009 11:02:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

and where did i say i was angry?

I do believe she was speaking about the OP, but it looked as if she was replying to you. I'm sure that was an "oops." [:)]

luci



mixielicous -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/9/2009 2:51:52 PM)

porcelaine,

I guess more details are in store. Well, before we were on again off again we were in a relationship for a few consecutive years. To be honest, no, I never thought he was seeing someone else since when I asked, I was told no. I had dated a few men over the 2 years (3 men), trying to move on and was always open with him about it. In fact, he used the opportunity of my first bf since him to pop the question (within days of me telling him of my new bf he had unofficially become engaged to her). This was in January, I dont know how long you have to be with someone before you feel comfortable popping the question, but I do know 5 months before I went on a 10 day trip with D where we nearly eloped). The reason I am upset, is because of the things he told me. In July. Things, that, a man who is engaged, should never say. Like, "youre the one", "lets make a baby" "Im in love with you" and "i love you" about 84627 times in 2009. for the record, unreciprocated. I didnt even know he was seeing someone, nevermind engaged! And no, I have not told her about this.

would you not want to know your fiance was only faithful for 2 months of your now 9 month engagement?

I am not mad he is engaged, I am hurt by all the lies and deceit, recently and very old. I come to realize "Crazy ex girlfriend numbers 1,2 & 3 who are trying to break us up" were prolly more like "jilted other lovers number one two and three trying to show me the light", I feel guilty, knowing he has been unfaithful to his new fiance and that she could have easily been me.

jaded |ˈjādid|
adjective
tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something

not synonymous with anger or a bevy toppling of emotions.

quote:

I kind of want to share my illicit chat log with her, but am torn on what to do. Although it is most likely take the high road, I am kind of jaded.



kiwisub12 -> RE: your hookup is engaged you say? (9/9/2009 3:27:44 PM)

Perhaps your true motive is essential for understanding this situation.  I can't decide wheither you want to tell her for revenge or because you don't want her to make a mistake -  or some mix of the two.

Do you know?   If you are trying to spare her from a mistake,, then tell her, but don't be surprised if she doesn't believe you.

And it will put you square in the middle of a lot of drama.



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