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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 8:43:29 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

So really, I dont get at all when people say...they are in a Master/slave relationship but its not about sex...sex is who we are...how can it not be about sex? If there is no sex, you might as well go and volunteer down at the local dog pound and help all those poor puppies in need. That would be service without sex...well ..actually..unless..no i wont go there *grin*

Technically, yes, that's service without sex... but it's also service without power and that doesn't feed the beast. :)

Celeste

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 8:56:55 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

So really, I dont get at all when people say...they are in a Master/slave relationship but its not about sex...sex is who we are...how can it not be about sex? If there is no sex, you might as well go and volunteer down at the local dog pound and help all those poor puppies in need. That would be service without sex...well ..actually..unless..no i wont go there *grin*

Technically, yes, that's service without sex... but it's also service without power and that doesn't feed the beast. :)

Celeste

Well said, Celeste.

If the man (or woman even) in question wants to experience submission or serve as a submissive he (or she) may want or need a flow of authority or power between the parties. Can you be of service and get something from that without a dominant? Yes but I'm betting it a different sort of feeling/experience.

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 8:57:07 AM

slavejali

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I hear what Your saying Sir.

Sometimes when I talk to people on this issue though (not on this board), its almost as though they have to say " Our relationship is based on more than sex" its more than that, its got more meaning a deeper purpose or whatever...because they dont want to sound superficial....yet sex to me is more than the act, its an incredibly powerful force imbedded deep within our spirituality....its communes and unites and joins and creates everything.....its in all parts of life, its everywhere, i wont go on...lol..but its so much of who we are.

Saying that, and what it means to me, is probably why I feel the need to defend "sex" when it comes up...and probably why Im portraying things in a black and white way.

I can appreciate and understand when people say " My service is first"....

I actually see sexual energy and service like brother and sister when it all comes down to it..they are so closely related.

.
.
.
I could really go on here, but i need to go snuggle in with my poor sick Master (he has this horrible flu at the moment).

Addition: Sorry if im off the planet with all of that... but at 4am i'm allowed lol

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/27/2006 9:01:55 AM >

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 9:03:32 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

I find so few people that take great pleasure in being a true pleasure slave (by "pleasure" I mean doing everything possible to make her happy, whatever type of behavior that may entail, from chores to companionship to sex to whatever she desires)

before becoming Master's slave this slave has, more times than she cares to count:

provided service to another, in a completely non-sexual capacity, the only compensation being allowed to serve.

given things and given up things and received NOTHING in return from the recipient, not even an atta-girl, with NO regrets.

pleasure slaves rock!!!! there are several folks that this slave has met that would fall into your description of pleasure slave, but they are very few and far between. also, people seem to have a hard time understanding or accepting that ALL subs and slaves are NOT all cut from the same cloth(as in--some could care less if another sexually stimulates them or allows them to orgasm). of course you will inevitably meet up with those who believe to put ANYONE's desires in front of your own without compensation in some way is mentally ill, freak behavior. it is this slave's opinion that there is nothing wrong with being a purely sexual slave or purely service slave~or any mix of the two for that matter! unfortunately, this slave has seen many ridiculed here, (just like they are in vanilla circles) as being a freak or a doormat, in need of psychotherapy because their call to service is misunderstood or not believed "healthy" by others. don't let them get to ya!!!!

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 9:04:08 AM

RavenMuse

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Likewise I can understand your posts. You seem to be refering to people who look like they are maybe insecure about what they are doing and focusing too much on the 'it isnt just sex' line like they where meaning the sex was in some way a bad thing. I don't see anyone here doing that. Just saying that it isn't the primary focus... that isn't saying that it isn't AN important aspect, heck I don't want a relationship where the D/s dynamic stops at the bedroom door... not on the way out and certainly not on the way IN either

Hope your master feels better soon

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 9:16:57 AM

LthrdWolf

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Amazing post ...touched this Mistress.I am a Lesbian Dominant & would welcome this type of D/s *service*.

I believe someone here said well it's not a TPE without the sex (or words to that effect,) to Me PE 'without' sex is one of (please note that I did not say Only) the most intense & dedicated forms of D/s one can give & experience.The physical "beast" though often gnawing at the gates for relief ...craves nothing like the pull of psychological powers thirst.

LthrdWolf

< Message edited by LthrdWolf -- 2/27/2006 9:40:26 AM >

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 10:19:28 AM

GoddessDustyGold

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Joined: 4/11/2004
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There are many forms of intimacy that don't include genital to genital, or tongue to genital, or the many other forms we can easily think of that describe "sex". I agree with Lucky in that I can easily relate to My sexuality being an important part of Me. There was a time when My sexual drive was much more important and I happily fed that most important need.
Not so any longer. Perhaps I have just seen enough and done enough and that part of My life is no longer so important. So when I am approached on the basis that I have a profile on an alternative lifetyle site and that automatically means "kinky sex/kinky domination available here!", it tires Me out. It is one of the caveats I tolerate in order to have the privilege of expanding My pool of possiblities via the internet.
I am far more driven by the power exchange, and the constant undercurrent of Domination and submission that would drive the relationship.
I have enjoyed the littlesarbonn's posts for a long, long time. And when he was gone for a time, I did notice. Here is a boy that I always wished was closer so we could meet for coffee.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

What is at issue is the priority on the sex/BDSM when it comes to submission.

Now for some one here whilst I was searching, their priority has been on the sex. basicaly a number of them where looking for a vanilla relationship with a D/s BDSM kinky sex life.

Well said. I wade My way through a lot of that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

So really, I dont get at all when people say...they are in a Master/slave relationship but its not about sex...sex is who we are...how can it not be about sex? If there is no sex, you might as well go and volunteer down at the local dog pound and help all those poor puppies in need. That would be service without sex...well ..actually..unless..no i wont go there *grin*

Technically, yes, that's service without sex... but it's also service without power and that doesn't feed the beast. :)

Celeste

Excellent! You do have a way of getting it across, Celeste!

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 12:30:45 PM

Submotive

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Great topic. As a submissive i derive great fulfillment from serving my Master coffee, removing His shoes, cooking Him dinner, anything that adds to His happiness and comfort. Watching and learning what makes Him smile, what delights Him, what ways i can find to make His life easier and happier without Him asking or instructing. But i equate submission with love and the fact that He enjoys and uses me sexually as well - that's just bliss.

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 12:46:29 PM

DiannaVesta

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Clarification of my opinion to better word it: expression of sex stems from my submission; my submission does not stem from sex. Both are important. Sex is not inextricable for me either; it is just not what defines my submission.

This makes me think a lot :)

My sexuality is simply a force within myself. It really has nothing to do with my submission. The fact that I am a bisexual, the fact that I am a slave, the fact that I am polyamorous- my sexuality flows INTO those things and is a natural element of them.

But the sexuality would still exist, no matter what my orientation was. My sexuality is not defined by my orientation.

For many people, perhaps their sexuality is defined by their orientation. Perhaps this is why they cannot enjoy "vanilla sex" like I can. For me it's about whatever connection is going on at that time, not any particular orientation. Perhaps for the, their orientation needs to be aligned in order for their sexuality to flow into the situation while, for me, sexuality is an omnipresent aspect of myself that will flow with whatever connection I form.

Interesting.

This is so true and your words are thought provoking as well.

The dynamic is the most important thing to me. I don’t have a choice in the matter. I am who I am and if I could choose to be “vanilla mainstream” I probably would. After all it would have made my life less complicated and lets face it, I would have encountered less ridicule. I’m just not wired that way so the work and the risk is part of the satisfaction game.

I have orgasms with people and by myself. I don’t ever look at someone and say, “Damn I want to fuck you!” It just doesn’t happen like that for me. First I am intrigued and it’s normally by something they say or do. Any act of submission will get my attention. Keeping it is another matter. It’s the dance that makes me feel alive and what I crave. Fuck my mind, penetrate my sprit…if I have an orgasm it’s just icing on the cake.

I LOVE to be served. I CRAVE complete adoration..., in fact I beleive I am an addict.

< Message edited by DiannaVesta -- 2/27/2006 12:48:07 PM >

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/27/2006 7:36:37 PM

littlesarbonn

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Just wanted to thank everyone for your enlightened responses.

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/28/2006 4:22:54 PM

MichMasochist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

Having said that, my most intimate and vulnerable place is my sexuality. That is where he can touch me most deeply, and push me hardest. Even if we are not activily engaged in a sexual act, he may put me in the most difficult of situations, where my mind is reeling, trying to comprehend....and then look at me and say "cum" and off i go. But that is not about sex, see? That is about control and submission.

Apologies for this..but this subject interests me...

Wouldnt sharing your most intimate and vulnerable place be your primary service? If your sexuality is the most intimate and vulnerable place, wouldnt it be fair to say, that its the part of you that is the deepest and most entwined in your very make-up..in fact it could be said, it is what makes you up and everything else is stemming from it?

So, when you say you are playing out the Control and submission dynamics and that there is no sex involved, in fact there is, behind it all?

Ugh.....

It could be too late at night for this, i hope that made sense.

Wow. That's deep, Your thoughts are shed light in a perspective I've not thought of.

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/28/2006 4:25:29 PM

ProtagonistLily

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quote:

First of all littlesarbonn,

Sarbonn's been here a l o n g time.

Kassie

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 2/28/2006 5:54:13 PM

Sensualips

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Dammit, I was just trying to catch up and skim read the threads when I found this one. Now you all have made me think. Most of you are much further along in your paths and have a stronger sense of motivation than I, something I continue to struggle with.

quote:

Submission is the desire to serve someone in any capacity; to be pleasing to him/her, to find fulfillment in the satisfaction of the Dominant.

It is statements like this that make realize I am simply not a traditional submissive, if I am submissive at all.

quote:

Sex is but a means to demonstrate such submission. It is my opinion that sex is where we are most vulnerable, and therefore where feel we can serve most deeply.

I can absolutely understand the idea of sex as a demonstration of submission. For me, sex is an area where I feel least vulnerable. Typically sex makes me feel stong and powerful and autonomous and safe - even if I am bottoming during the actual act. Even when there is a submissive dynamic in play for me, I don't feel it as an act of service.

quote:

For others, sex/sexuality may not be an inextricable part of their identity, but it is for me.

My sexuality is very much tied up in my identity.

quote:

expression of sex stems from my submission; my submission does not stem from sex. Both are important. Sex is not inextricable for me either; it is just not what defines my submission.

Hmmm, I think my submission DOES stem from sex. I can't not imagine anything fulfilling about a service relationship that did not involve sex or romantic energy as well. On the top side, I can easily enjoy service only and sometimes even prefer it.

quote:

My sexuality is simply a force within myself. It really has nothing to do with my submission. The fact that I am a bisexual, the fact that I am a slave, the fact that I am polyamorous- my sexuality flows INTO those things and is a natural element of them.

For me it's about whatever connection is going on at that time, not any particular orientation. Perhaps for the, their orientation needs to be aligned in order for their sexuality to flow into the situation while, for me, sexuality is an omnipresent aspect of myself that will flow with whatever connection I form.

Oh wait. I changed my mind. My submission does not stem from sex after all. Sexuality is a force within itself. So...so...

Oh hell, I don't know.

quote:

I actually see sexual energy and service like brother and sister when it all comes down to it

Hey, hey, hey -- doesn't that violate the TOS?

quote:

looking for a vanilla relationship with a D/s BDSM kinky sex life.

Sometimes I wonder if that describes me. I wonder if I am grasping at an illusion to occupy myself, looking towards wiitwd out of boredom rather than it being a inextricable part of me, something that just IS without effort.

Maybe it is because I am still unable to define some things. Maybe it is because I currently have a lot of stressors in my life and it sucks the energy out of me. Maybe it is because I have not had much time or interest for conversations that used to feed me. Maybe I am just afraid. Or maybe I am just whiny today and will have an entirely different outlook later in the week.

Not that there is anything wrong with vanilla plus kink. It serves me well. I just understand the difference between that and the dynamics and connections that I observe in others.

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 3/1/2006 6:57:27 AM

LeatherBentOne

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My sub is new to BDSM and I'm using her strong desire for sex as a tool to help her understand the difference between her needs and wants. . . that, since sex is very important to her, she must be patient and wait for my time and my pleasure. In the short time that we've been together, I found that she'd been using expressions and innuendos of her feelings toward sex in such a manner as to initiate, thus control.

Since I've been using denial of sex, she is beginning to better understanding her needs vs. her wants in that I've denied her not only in the sexual arena as time has gone by, but I've started to deny her wants in other areas as well. She is starting to realize that it's my choice rather than hers to decide, when and how her wants are satisfied . . . by not being pushy, needy, using verbal expressions to manipulate, that being patient and obedient get her what she wants as a reward for her desireable behavior. It's my responsibilty to satify her needs, not her wants. Her wants are her rewards.

That is my sexual turn-on. . . Obedience, patience, not pushy or intiating through hints and innuendos or topping from the bottom. In my time and for my pleasure, her wants are met . . . secondary to my meeting her needs. Evidently, this is working for us as she is always very wet upon inspection, since I peek her desire to be obedient by whispering nasties and keeping her guessing, then taking her by ambush as a reward for good behavior. . . in my time and for my pleasure.

As a beleiver in quality rather than quantity, my preference is a sub that understands the greatest sexual organ is the "brain" on top of our heads, not the one between our legs. Domination is the turn-on for me, first outside the bedroom, then the extension of my Dominance within the bedroom walls. My time, my pleasure is then tranformed into satisfying her wants.

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 3/8/2006 10:24:08 AM

wipmebeetme100

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quote:

I get the idea that perhaps I'm a freak and everyone else seems to get it.

Well then let me join your club and i will be a freak right along with you. Every night before going to bed i thank Master for allowing me to live in his home and be of service to him. I am not thanking him for eating my pussy, or fucking my pussy or my ass....i am thanking him for allowing me to do the things i do each day that help to make his life easier for him. Waking at 4:30 to prepare his breakfast, get his coffee, meet him as he gets out of the shower with a nice warm towel for him....etc., etc.,
If i had to choose one or the other (sexual or service slave) it would be service. Don't get me wrong...i enjoy sex as much as the next person, but i guess to me i find more honor in being of service to another. I can spread my legs for anyone.

peace,
cathy

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RE: Service with much less emphasis on sex - 3/8/2006 11:10:32 AM

kc692

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wipmebeetme100

quote:

I get the idea that perhaps I'm a freak and everyone else seems to get it.

Well then let me join your club and i will be a freak right along with you. Every night before going to bed i thank Master for allowing me to live in his home and be of service to him. I am not thanking him for eating my pussy, or fucking my pussy or my ass....i am thanking him for allowing me to do the things i do each day that help to make his life easier for him. Waking at 4:30 to prepare his breakfast, get his coffee, meet him as he gets out of the shower with a nice warm towel for him....etc., etc.,
If i had to choose one or the other (sexual or service slave) it would be service. Don't get me wrong...i enjoy sex as much as the next person, but i guess to me i find more honor in being of service to another. I can spread my legs for anyone.

peace,
cathy