quote:

ORIGINAL: MartinP

Porcelaine,

would you please excuse me while I go to the bathroom and empty my stomach?

I am just in the process of decollaring my love and I hate the idea of her falling in the hands of such a honorless man. Our relationship fell apart because of professional reasons -- she finally found the job of her life in Paris, and I really cannot leave Canada. Thank god I have relatives in that town who will take good care of her. Since my grand-mother think highly of her (my mother too), I know my family will help and protect her in any possible way. But she has to ask for it!

What you tell me is that some honorless men "masters" hide their plans and slowy but surely move an unwitting woman into an abject situation. I thought that all this has to be safe, sane and consensual, Emphasis on consensual.

Of course, we moved gradually, but any move of our bondaries had to be agreed, by both parties. A "non" meant just that, and I will be damned if I go past that, especially with specious arguments.

You know Pocelaine, It does not upset that so some called dominants are cheats and liars, there are always some bad apples etc.
What really bothers me is that the slaves did not walk away and even construct excuses for the unexcusable.

This is simply not acceptable. Porcelaine, thank you for your insight, I am in your debt

I remember

Martin

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

there's another side to this and that is the recognition of ones wants and needs. i am clear about the differences between the two and while i may want to serve, i don't need to do so. it may add a dimension to my life that nothing else can, but at the basest level of definition, submission is a want, not a necessity for my happiness. for me true happiness is found within. the outer elements are in addition to what's already there. i will not fill an internal void with him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

while this wasn't an issue before, i question a person's ability and willingness to relocate. employment transfers not withstanding, most people aren't quitting jobs in this economy. which leaves me wondering where you're moving and who's footing the bills.

porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyrkajira

Greetings porcelaine,

That is not necessarily a red flag for zephyr, it all depends what you are talking about here. If you are talking about a Dom/Master who expects the sub/slave to support him while they find work, absolutely. If the Dom/Master doesn't necessarily need to work - and can prove it - or a job is found before plans are made for him to relocate to her then why would it be a red flag? Finding work in this economy can be very difficult but it is far from impossible depending on the type of work he does.  There are so many variables, being willing to relocate in and of itself wouldn't send up a red flag for zephyr.

If you are talking about a sub/slave saying that, well what about a situation where the Dom/Master doesn't want their sub/slave to work and instead wants that sub/slave to stay home and take care of the running of the home and is able to support both of them? It's possible to meet someone who is perfect but lives far away; in that case it would be necessary for someone to move.

"Willing to Relocate" in the profile in and of itself isn't necessarily a red flag, it all depends on what else is in that profile. After all the bigger the search area, the more likely it is the person will find someone who is compatible and it could really be just that simple.

zephyr wishes you well,

zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Yes, gut instinct is a lovely thing. I learned a long time ago how invaluable it is.

Sometimes there really is no definable "it" that red flag..........sometimes it is simply something that is just felt, just known. I am sure a great deal of that was put together subconsciously by some of the previously named red flags, but however I come to the conclusion of it all, it is there and I heed it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MartinP

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

First and biggest. catch them in a lie no matter how small, hasta la vista baby. At the point where trust is being built such an obvious sign that I can't trust them and it is a no go.

Frankly, small lies do not matter much to me, as long as they have no consequences nor are too much an insult to my intelligence. I dated a girl who told me that her former at given her a ferrari, diamonds, but she had lost it at the casino. She was so adorable...

What matters for me more is when person is not telling me what he or she should tell me beforehand.

For example, on this forum and others, some masters praise themselves for slowing inducing the slave to ever new aspects of servitude. By their own admission, they are not candid about their master-plan (pardon the pun) and do not necesseraly draw for their sub a complete picture of what is to become of her. These are information of great importance kept from the other.

Now, this is what I call a nasty lie by omission and a red flag

I remember,

Martin

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Yes, gut instinct is a lovely thing. I learned a long time ago how invaluable it is.

Sometimes there really is no definable "it" that red flag..........sometimes it is simply something that is just felt, just known. I am sure a great deal of that was put together subconsciously by some of the previously named red flags, but however I come to the conclusion of it all, it is there and I heed it.