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ElanSubdued -> RE: I have never severed (9/12/2009 10:17:31 AM)
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scaredofwomen,
*nods to DarkSteven* (who posted while I was typing)
When asked, I've posted approach/profile advice before. The suggestions I'm about to make aren't fundamentally different, but they are customized to you. I'm going to recommend more than "get thee to a munch". But, first let's raise the level of abstraction on that particular tidbit so as to glean maximum value from it.
Get thee out and socialize! It's a lesson we all must learn. Introverts, extraverts, and everyone in between benefit from networking as this is an essential life skill. Some love it and thrive on it. Others are frightened and uncomfortable, and still do it anyway. I fall into the later group and can attest that it gets easier the more you do it. Munches, events (like play parties), and seminars (like rope workshops) are great places to meet people.
Take initiative... face-to-face initiative and be courteous. My first, significant, public experience happened because, while at a play party, I complimented a domme on the utterly gorgeous aftercare she gave her pet. The domme blushed (in a good way) and we kept talking. For brevity, I won't tell the remainder of the story, but this served as an unintended introduction and I'm guessing that's why it worked.
Courtesy, sincerity, empathy, and a sense of humour are great conversation starters. It also helps if you have some knowledge on a variety of subjects, those immediately at hand and current events. You can teach yourself quite a bit (BDSM-wise) by going to seminars and participating. As for current events (local and world), read the newspaper (online or paper editions), listen to talk radio, and watch the evening news. What you're doing here is giving yourself conversational tools. These help build self confidence and give you places to go in conversation. It's rather difficult carrying a conversation with only BDSM so it's handy to have other topics that may be of common interest. For example, I'm *not* a big sports fan. Despite this, I keep track of my local hockey team and this has carried many a conversation and allowed me to join in where I otherwise wouldn't have been able. Ditto for news-worthy items of broader and lesser scope.
Alright. I'm done with abstracting and expanding on the "tidbit". Here's the extra advice I promised. I should find a way to say this more delicately, but I've got other things to attend to so here's the non-PC version.
Your profile sucks. You talk about your cock and your sexual fantasies. No woman wants to read this (at least not from someone who they haven't already established sexual rapport with). You insult (yes, insult) women! What do you think readers are taking away from your opening:
"I have been scared of dominant females ever since i was beaten up by two different girl's two times at school. Yes i was that pathetic loser that got beat up by a girl."
Paraphrasing, "I was such a loser that I was bested by a girl": do you realize this is insulting to women? It is! You insult yourself. You demonstrate bad grammar or laziness (neither of which is attractive). Were I a woman, I'd be done with your profile after these first sentences.
Things gets worse as you continue with lines like this:
"I cant even attempt to for example disagree with a woman if she's witty, aggressive, my brain just shuts down and my heart starts to flutter and she will make me look stupid, and embarrass me."
Wrong approach. Totally wrong approach. Intelligent, witty people like to be engaged. You've got to step up to the plate, not down. Use your sense of humour, knowledge of current events, and courtesy to entertain and impress. Rapport. That's what it's all about and you're not going to create this by shutting down. There are women who are turned on by watching men stammer in their presence, but this is because these men have already demonstrated their charm. The attraction is 'here's an intelligent, sexy man who has already impressed me and... it's so hot that I've caught him off guard and/or beguiled him with my own sexuality, wit, and charm". The timing for this sort of interplay is crucial and a profile isn't' the place for it.
There are even more lines in your profile that don't work. For example, is it really necessary to tell prospective partners of your experiences with what amounts to phone sex? Hell no!
Lastly, while the text ("scared of women") may be true, change your handle. I'm not kidding. Change it to something positive or at least neutral. In my experience, embedding personal messages in your handle isn't a great idea so I recommend choosing something more name-like.
Summary advice regrading your profile: Delete, delete, delete! Delete the whole account and start a new one! Remember, you're talking to women who are simultaneously human beings. Describe yourself and your interests. Show a sense of humour and curiosity about the world. Add unique things about yourself that interest you and that may interest others. Leave out BDSM and fetish topics. Seriously. Leave them out. Use a spell checker, proofread for errors, and correct the text to the best of your ability. Spelling, grammar, and other errors do count so treat your profile like a resume and make yourself look your best. Put up a totally vanilla profile that is clever and shows your unique charm. Now that's something that will make you stand out from the masses of others writing (effectively) "please play with my cock".
Keep a "get thee out and socialize" and "make yourself look your best" approach and you'll meet people. Truly. You will.
Good luck scaredofwomen, :-)
Elan.
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