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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 9/16/2009 12:11:23 AM

NihilusZero

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Are you looking for a way to sabotage what seems to be a rather nice relationship or is it coming out all on its own?

Ironically, the cynicism behind that question belies the actual introspective worth that can come from it if you take it seriously.

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 9/16/2009 1:31:08 PM

Jester0587

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Joined: 12/22/2007
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I can't say much, namely because I'm in one of my psych classes, but did he really freak out or was he polite about it? I would say try something in the daytime and see if he freaks out then - he might just be worried that if he dies in his sleep and the house burns down the same night you're screwed. That kind of situation. Sorry I couldn't be more help, I'll come back to the topic when I have more time. :)

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 9/28/2009 6:12:17 PM

SireKane

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Joined: 1/22/2004
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If I had a violin I'd play you a diddy, but I don't. If you have to question whether or not your guy is dominant, odds are that he is not.

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 9/28/2009 7:22:10 PM

dreamerdreaming

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Sounds like a good guy, but- bottom line:

If he's not kinky enough for you (translation: if he's more of a bedroom top, and happy being just that- and you desire something more like 24/7 TPE) then he may not be the best match for you. This is why your D/s or BDSM needs and desires should have been discussed in detail right from the start.

Its much better to find someone whose needs and desires match up closely with your own to begin with, than it is to take up the time of someone like this, who sounds like a really good catch, but maybe not the best match for you. After all you've only been together a few months, and already your getting upset that your needs and desires aren't being addressed to your liking.

To reiterate: A good catch does not equal a good match.

If you continue on with him, you may need to just realize that he's not exactly what you were looking for, and settle. Or, you can end it now while its still very early on, so that you'll both be free to seek the kind of person who already is what you want.

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 9/28/2009 11:32:03 PM

KamenRyder

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Joined: 9/27/2009
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yea he does sound like a great guy, but maybe handcuffs just isnt his thing, there are doms out there that play with no toys. I would think that he likes to control your body through his own workings and doesn't need any other help. Im sorry for your loss and hope that everything will pick up

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 9/29/2009 12:11:26 AM

NormalOutside

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Wow, great thread. I've had.... issues in relationships before where I felt like she wanted me to do certain things, and I just wasn't interested. This thread has some cool info. I see myself as a strong hands and timely commands type, rather than kinky restraints.

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 9/29/2009 7:37:24 AM

antipode

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quote:

I can't work out if there is a Dom side to him or not

Uhh.. define "Dom side" for me...

It would appear you're not satisfied with what you have. So find somebody else. There is nothing anybody can say to you that will make a blind bit of difference to your relationship.

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 10/3/2009 8:55:51 AM

swchgolady

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i have a problem....i have a gentlemen from out of area that is interested in me but i have just started seeing someone (playtime only...no sex) but the gentlemen who wants me for his own is not happy about one of the sexual acts we are going....but i am enjoying it. Should i tell this man i am with to stop doing them just because someone MIGHT want to own me?

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 10/3/2009 9:12:05 AM

mnottertail

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you can drink, or make up your own mind.

I recommend the drink.

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RE: Advice needed! Please help! - 10/8/2009 9:11:40 AM

Amaros

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Ask him why.

There are practical considerations: handcuffs can cut off circulation and/or leave marks that are hard to hide, and nobody want's to go though the hassle of getting reported for domestic abuse.

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