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phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:00:52 PM   
Scala


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Greetings everyone ..
The problem I have is that the depth of my submission tends to be come in phases . Some weeks I am totally obedient to Mistress and fulfil every wish she has, I can also take a lot more in the "pain" department . Then there are weeks when for some reason , I am less " focussed ".  It's not that its Intentional , it just is . This can be really frustrating for Mistress and also can involve a lot of extra punishment for me . My question is do other slaves / subbies have the same phases and to the Mistresses , how do you cope with them ?
Any advice would be really appreciated Scala
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RE: phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:09:39 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		I cope with it by being human and knowing my submissives are not going to be the perfect punching bag for me everyday.

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RE: phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:12:36 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Pain tolerance and focused headspace come and go for many reasons. If your job is more stressful the end of the month, then that week you will tolerate less and be less focused. If you have a chronic illness that flares up occasionally, same.

Beyond that, you're long distance. How long you can go between meetings before this happens is individual to any one person. Me? Two to three weeks and then he had to start all over. Really bad during a very snowy winter where we couldn't get together for three months.

But what is she doing to up the ownership, the training after the two week interval has ended? Is she taking more control of your life? Choosing clothes, meals, bedtime, exercise routine, journal writing, assigning an essay? The physical stuff has to wait, and the longer between play sessions, the less pain you can take the next time. But to keep your head and focus where she wants it is something she must do. You can't do it alone.

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RE: phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:22:18 PM   
Scala


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you Sunnyfey ..its not only that my pain tolerance reduces but also I sometimes forget the things that are important to Mistress < not good !

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RE: phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:24:25 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		^.^ just remember not to take everything so serious. Thats stops us from having fun, and fun is really what ts about in the first place....

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RE: phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:26:48 PM   
Scala


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		You make some good points DesFip . I cannot seem to find anything that really triggers this reduction in submission . Its just there. Mistress has treid to keep me focussed sometimes with success others with less success.

During these times I still love Mistress but its more in a "Vanilla" way , its like as if the "SM" bit of me just sort of fades for a while.

and i should mention that during these times ,  especially when I have nearly no Interest in SM, I really don't want to be treated as a slave but for Mistress I am just that .

< Message edited by Scala -- 9/13/2009 4:32:09 PM >

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RE: phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:28:22 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think it is that your submission is any less, but that your life has more going on that muddles up the picture. This is perfectly normal. Frustration going along with it is pretty normal too, but both of you are just going to have to accept each other's humanity and work within it. None of us became superhuman the moment we entered these relationships. Do your best. That's all anyone can really ask.

lovingpet

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RE: phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:34:22 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The forgetting stuff is natural.  They say to form something as a habit you have to do it every day for a month.
So if you don't wear your seat belt, you need to put a sign in the car saying seatbelt so you do it every time. After about a month you'll be buckling up automatically without even looking at the sign.

Now if you see someone once a month and on that weekend you have to wait for her to start eating, and the other 29 days a month you sit down with friends and nobody cares who starts first then it isn't going to form as a habit because you simply aren't practicing it.

He wants me to wait for him to open my door. But usually I'm doing errands by myself so four times a day I may open my own door. Twice a week we may go out to a restaurant and then I'm to wait for him to open the car doors, the restaurant doors. But I get a lot more practice opening my own doors. So even now, 8 years in, I still forget sometimes. I'll start to open it and then sit back down till he comes around. I'm better than in the beginning where he would tell me to stay till he walked around but I'm not perfect. Much of it is simply a function of not being practiced.

One thing you can do is write down the rules on a list and study them daily.

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RE: phases of submission - 9/13/2009 4:38:00 PM   
Scala


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Your point on habit is an interesting one. I intend on moving to a town very close to Mistress within the next few weeks. Mistress has said that she will then visit me twice a week for 3 hours each time. Maybe this will help.

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RE: phases of submission - 9/14/2009 1:45:55 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Nobody is perfect, and nobody is constant. Every person switches to some degree, even if the switch is between more or less surrendered. Consider it the BDSM equivalent of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle.

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RE: phases of submission - 9/14/2009 2:01:25 PM   
DePubed


Posts: 71
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline 		My own experience is that everyone is more dominant than someone else, and everyone is more submissive than someone else. So whether or not we are 'dominant' or 'submissive' will actually depend upon how we relate to someone ELSE.
I learned that principle when I was with the U.S. Marine Corps: a VERY 'dominant' guy could be a Sgt. in total control and domination of guys who were of lower ranks, yet this same dominant Sgt. would obey men of higher rank. Lower ranks called him , 'sir', and he, in turn addressed higher ranks as 'sir' without losing any of his dominance.

If you had an 'erotic cruise ship' which had 500 dominants on it, and the ship sank, and they all had to exist for two weeks on a remote island many of them would become submissive to the more dominant ones.

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RE: phases of submission - 9/14/2009 2:22:44 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Scala

Greetings everyone ..
The problem I have is that the depth of my submission tends to be come in phases . Some weeks I am totally obedient to Mistress and fulfil every wish she has, I can also take a lot more in the "pain" department . Then there are weeks when for some reason , I am less " focussed ".  It's not that its Intentional , it just is . This can be really frustrating for Mistress and also can involve a lot of extra punishment for me . My question is do other slaves / subbies have the same phases and to the Mistresses , how do you cope with them ?
Any advice would be really appreciated Scala

Submission is a process not a thing. What is more is that it is a process of relationship. The process waxes and wanes as do all processes. To all a yin and yang.



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RE: phases of submission - 9/14/2009 8:14:24 PM   
traceoflace


Posts: 17
Joined: 7/26/2009
Status: offline 		i have found my hormone cycle effects my levels of submission.  When I'm ovulating, I'm SOOOO submissive.  When I'm PMSing.... well just best to leave me be for the most part lol.

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RE: phases of submission - 9/14/2009 8:36:54 PM   
gentlemanprince


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline 		I find that a more relaxed D/s atmosphere with my Lady not trying to micro-manage me let's us stay on a more or less even keel. This may not work for everyone, but it sure makes our lives easier.

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Profile   Post #: 14
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