RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing?

RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (Full Version)

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slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 1:14:27 PM)
Thank you very much. I am glad you have found someone so special that appreciates the gift you are giving.

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 1:16:40 PM)
Wow! That must be the BDSM version of a fairytale? [:)] Thank you for sharing that, I know the best decisions I ever made were on a leap of faith. Good luck to you both [:)]

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 1:20:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on? .. what happens if i'm no longer with this person? was my ability to reach those depths solely dependent on that individual or intrinsically mine instead? ... for me slavery is a transcendent process. one i'm wholly committed to whether i am guided or must travel alone until that person arrives. as such, my growth continues because i refuse to stop and rest on my laurels. it is my personal zen. . porcelaine [:)] hey porcelaine, i recognised some of what you wrote there and picked out the bits that really rang a bell. when i was a kid i saw my mum fall to bits after my (dominant) father left her. i always promised myself i would never ever rely/lean on anyone as she had. and yet, ironically enough here i am [:)]. its taken me an age to dump that fear, ive always held on to a little bit of me and i expect i always will, but in answer to the OP i believe its in who you are and the dynamic you are in as to how quickly and how deeply you epihponise. i believe the ability to let go, accept, no longer question, silence that timid voice, whatever it is, does come from within us, yes, and for some it takes longer and for others it takes no time atall given the right situation. i loved the sentance 'it is my personal zen' and i completely agree with you. ive spent more time on my own than with a Master, but my growing and processing has never stopped. each relationship i went through taught me a bit more and helped me to understand myself better. the constant knowing has always been there, always always, just the fear of letting go held me back. releasing that fear finally has been something i have worked on all by myself but was triggered by my last Master and something i will always be grateful for. so in a way it was or is an epiphany for me and to be honest i dont think the epiphonies stop, they keep coming, its a process thats organic and endless whether you are enslaved or not. Yes this all developed after a lot of growing spiritually for us both. The personal Zen and each little epiphany seem to just strip away the layers of what I am not (perhaps what I learnt to be over the years of trying to deny my true nature), leading to the real me which can freely let go, trust and not have that need to question. Thank you very much for your reply.

porcelaine -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 1:29:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 i loved the sentance 'it is my personal zen' and i completely agree with you. ive spent more time on my own than with a Master, but my growing and processing has never stopped. each relationship i went through taught me a bit more and helped me to understand myself better. the constant knowing has always been there, always always, just the fear of letting go held me back. releasing that fear finally has been something i have worked on all by myself but was triggered by my last Master and something i will always be grateful for. so in a way it was or is an epiphany for me and to be honest i dont think the epiphonies stop, they keep coming, its a process thats organic and endless whether you are enslaved or not. i see life as a spiral staircase. who descent is mine and the distance is one i determine. i can be encouraged, cajoled, or inspired to continue climbing, but the actual movement must come from me. each step forward presents its own set of lessons, challenges, fears to be confronted, habits overcome, and truths to embrace or revisit. although the air thins as we scale, the climb appears easier because it is directed by an internal will that propels and sustains us when other factors would threaten to make us stop. i'm able to say that i built this. i've constructed, demolished, and continue to refine and perfect my being. others may contribute to the outcome in varying ways, but they are not the architect or reason i stand. i yield to something greater than you and i and have moved beyond that way of thinking overall. instead i seek to see how i can promote a better we and us which encompasses my person, my partner, and everyone i encounter. ascension means far more to me than mere submission. porcelaine

Acer49 -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 3:31:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight I recently had what I can only describe as an epiphany and released that I am ready to let go of any wants, needs and expectations that I still had remaining. It seemed to be a painful (for me) issue to find out I even had some expectations remaining but with Master's help I have let go. My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on? I think you might try posting this in the Gorean forum, you may get more responses from people who have given up their needs

IrishMist -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 4:45:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight Thank you, may I ask if that was difficult to do? To suddenly let go? Or was the trust instinctively there right from the start? It was difficult. LOL; I was constantly fighting against it...did not matter though. In the end; if I wanted to be with him...I let go. As for trust...I am the kind who trusts blindly until shown a reason NOT to trust...so that was never an issue.

IrishMist -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 4:48:09 PM)
quote: That was the choice My girl was faced with, I wasn't about to not be Me in order to 'break her in gently'... and in the process allow her to develop bad habits by living other than the way it was going to be long term. Trust Me and submit or don't trust Me and walk away, end of! LOL Master Raven...that's almost the exact thing he told me. He sat me down, told me exactly how it was going to be and what he expected...then he told me to make a choice; either accept or walk. There were no grey areas; no 'compromises in the middle'. It was his way or no way. God, I love that about men [:D]

leadership527 -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 5:00:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on? Carol has always been Carol and I have always been me. But neither of us knew a thing about D/s before 2 years ago and we've been together for 15 now. So I'd have to say that we met the right person first, then encountered information about D/s, then explored together. I don't know that either of us feels the need to "let go of" or "hold onto" anything. I think we're both just having a blast plummeting down the rabbit hole.

RavenMuse -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 5:36:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist He sat me down, told me exactly how it was going to be and what he expected...then he told me to make a choice; either accept or walk. There were no grey areas; no 'compromises in the middle'. It was his way or no way. God, I love that about men [:D] If she wanted to horse trade she was in the wrong place. she already knew something of the way I was as she was a friend of one of My ex-girls, she knew I don't harm what is Mine but also knew I don't negotiate. I offer what I offer and the girl is either compatible or she isn't. Some things came easy to her, other things where and still are a struggle for her but she deals with that. she is happier and more content now than at any part of her life to date. It may have been a leap of faith, but she didn't crash into any rocks beneath, I caught her!

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 5:42:13 PM)
Thank you, but I am not looking for that kind of total servitude. No offense intended to anyone.

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 5:44:25 PM)
Thank you Irish Mist, that helps me a lot. I am glad you were able to let go.

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 5:46:00 PM)
And long may that plummet last [;)] That is very similar to how this is developing for us, thank you.

littlewonder -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 8:50:45 PM)
I think I've always known since my relationships in life have always been like this whether one wanted to call them bdsm or vanilla. The men in my life have always been take charge type of men so it's what I grew up with, what I'm comfortable with. My problem has always been the exact opposite of yours... I let go too much and most men had problems with it because they realized that eventually it was too much for them to handle.

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 9:49:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I think I've always known since my relationships in life have always been like this whether one wanted to call them bdsm or vanilla. The men in my life have always been take charge type of men so it's what I grew up with, what I'm comfortable with. My problem has always been the exact opposite of yours... I let go too much and most men had problems with it because they realized that eventually it was too much for them to handle. Thank you, that must have been very hard for you before you found the right man. Having control of someone comes with a lot of responsibilty that most people aren't willing to take on I suppose. I hope you have found someone who can handle it now?

littlewonder -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 10:15:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I think I've always known since my relationships in life have always been like this whether one wanted to call them bdsm or vanilla. The men in my life have always been take charge type of men so it's what I grew up with, what I'm comfortable with. My problem has always been the exact opposite of yours... I let go too much and most men had problems with it because they realized that eventually it was too much for them to handle. Thank you, that must have been very hard for you before you found the right man. Having control of someone comes with a lot of responsibilty that most people aren't willing to take on I suppose. I hope you have found someone who can handle it now? Not so much hard as frustrating for both parties involved. You live and learn though..and as for now...so far so good thanks. [:)]

stillholdson -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/15/2009 3:43:37 AM)
Thanks for posting this. I always thought i was the only one that did this. it has taken 5 long years to finally find the Master that holds her in close and makes her life/control His which eases the frustration that was often felt trying to grow into what i am meant to be. i've known since i was 15 that i was 'different' but it took till i was 40 to realize i was a slave.denying it makes it worse. i remember when he told me, i know who you are girl,lol as we had known who the other was for a while now. Slowly he takes the control and before long she knew he was in her head and was his. each time i had tried 'to give up all of me' never dreaming that the man is what 'makes the difference' in acceptance. this was my ephinay okay time for coffee mixin first n third quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: ...My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on?... neither. this slave always tried to give all the control to everyone she became involved with...the only one that wanted it/appreciated it is Master...and he got all of it, as HE wanted it...not on some sort of timeline that this slave insisted upon.

Aileen1968 -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/15/2009 4:04:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on? Yup. I was married at the time and wanted it to be him. He was not wired that way and it destroyed the marriage because I needed it and started looking outside of the marriage. Long story short...I then met the right person. Our chemistry is through the roof and I couldn't let go of that control fast enough.

lally2 -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/15/2009 4:28:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder .My problem has always been the exact opposite of yours... I let go too much and most men had problems with it because they realized that eventually it was too much for them to handle. i did this, until i realised that what i was doing was submitting to myself not to the man - not saying you did this or do this, just its an interesting aspect to this discussion. alot of what we do in submission is about controlling ourselves in terms of trust issues and such. sometimes in order to get around that i internalised my submission and made it possible to keep hold of myself all the while. in the end i realised that i wasnt submitting myself atall, i was just floating off into a safe place that was mine. having said that, it was an important process in of itself, it gave me the confidence next time to actually know that in submission i still remain constant within myself, simply that the submission i give to another is a mindful process and we dont dissappear as people.

DesFIP -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/15/2009 4:56:58 AM)
I'm curious as to how long the op and her dom have been together. Because total control in the bedroom is one thing, handing over all your money on the first date is something else. Telling a single parent how to raise their kids is yet a step beyond. As is ordering you to quit your job and beg him for every bite of food, thanking him for sleeping under shelter each night, etc. Or agreeing to be locked in the basement any time he isn't there, not being allowed free contact with family, and so on. And nobody does all that the first date, no matter how much chemistry there is. There's always something that could cause you to hesitate.

slaveluci -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/15/2009 5:20:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight I recently had what I can only describe as an epiphany and released that I am ready to let go of any wants, needs and expectations that I still had remaining. I don't believe this is possible. As long as you are a living, breathing human being, you are going to have "wants, needs and expectations." That's just a fact. They may have completely changed or diminished or been suppressed but you still have them and so does everyone else. Trying to convince yourself otherwise, IMHO, can only lead to trouble. I've enjoyed what others have related here and I absolutely believe it's possible to meet someone and desire right at that very instant to relinquish control to them. It happens and it works for some. I also agree with DesFip in that I'm not sure how realistic or sane it is to meet someone today and immediately turn over all control of everything in your life to them at that instant. That probably doesn't happen so much and, if it does, may not always be the wisest course of action esp. where children and money and other such things are involved. Bottom line for me is that I can give up all the control I want as effortlessly as I can and that's great. But that's NEVER going to mean I'll never again have any "wants, needs or expectations." You're always expecting something even if it's that you're going to get nothing..............luci

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