quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

So I'm a free agent again in such a short time.  My Dom has dumped me (for my friend no less) but I'll get into that in a bit.
Well actually i'll get into it now.  I had been asked by him to not share personal things on the forums or my journal, him knowing full well that's how I work through things. Writing.

So I didn't and I will try to keep it classy even now. After I'm the jilted one, but I believe in Karma.  He will have the same happen to him and 3 fold.

I met this Dom and he was so sweet and romantic and wanted to do all these things for me. Things I didn't feel comfortable with because it's just been me taking care of me for so long. It's rather overwhelming to have someone step into your life and offer to take care of you completely.  I have trust issues of a major variety.  I was raped when I was 5 and my therapist said I never developed the ability to trust people and that i'd have to work extra hard to learn this skill.  So I do, I work really hard at it and I tell people that earning my trust is truly a gift.  A gift I can't give more than once, not fully anyway. Breach said trust and I may never trust you again.  It's not that I don't want to, just can't.

So I met this Dom and he's been good to me up until a point. I start to notice that the things he loved about me became annoying or I was trying to control things.  Simply put if I he said to me do something such as wear purple shoes and I said, but Sir I don't have any purple shoes, he would spend hours going over how come I didn't go check to be SURE I had purple shoes or I should have gone and bought some.  Yes I don't mind buying some at all, but there is only one car here since I work at home and if it's not here then I can't go right out and get them then.  I can later and will do so gladly if I don't forget to that is.  I lead a very busy life and it's not always easy to remember things.  He always said that meant I didn't care, I said it's not that, it's that i'm very busy. I have to set reminders to pick up my daughter in the afternoon, that's how busy I am.  I spent most every day all day talking to him, IMs phone and it was always come here, come be with me, I love you and a friend of mine who is a sub got to listening to me gush about him and decided to test him out, with her OWN Dom's (also a friends) permission of course.  He failed miserably and lied to me about it.  She signed up here on CM and talked to him and he came on to her and lied to me about it when I confronted him.

He then tried to tell me this morning, as I'm crying and broken hearted and saying if you want her I'll back out, that he doesn't want to back out, he was trying to teach me a lesson, and get my attention.  That once I saw how easy it was for someone else to step in I would straighten up.  Meanwhile emailing her asking her to tell him about her and talking bad about me.  She became infuriated and forwarded it to me and I said I know I said it was over but we were talking like we were moving toward a reconciliation...and you tell HER you're free, let's see what we can see?  I said ok so you don't want to work this out, we're over am I understanding you clearly?  He refused to answer and then finally makes me read the first line of the email he sent her, which said Yes, I'm Free.  I said alright and hung up and he fired back, oh hanging up was classy.

Masters here, why should I stay on the phone after that?  Did I miss some protocol?  And him knowing about me, what you now know, why would breaking my heart be a punishment?  Hurt me = me not trust you, how does THAT translate to punishment and teaching me a lesson and THEN dumping me.

Did I miss something here?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
What I find interesting from following your posts is that it appears that you trust way too easily. You say it is not so and that you actually have trouble trusting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

...

And demonkia thank you I needed to see that. I tried explaining how I think, how I walk talk and behave and I was told I was PURPOSELY hurting his feelings..by simply being me.  The person he said he loved.  I explain me because I get that no one else is in my head but me and only I truly understand what I mean when I say things. So once I explain I feel like the other person should understand that certain things I do are not to hurt your feelings it's simply who I am.  Point it out to me at the time and we'll see if I can find an alternative way to NOT hurt your feelings but don't get pissy every time and say...oh you did it again. Of course I did it again, I've been doing it for 36 years!  I can't just turn it off, but that's why I thought you were the Dom..point it out so I can work at it especially since i'm new to this. 

I'm trying hard to NOT be a bitch toward him but everytime I do email to ask the cost of giving him money back for gifts and I get that they are gifts but I don't want it said (and I've heard him do this) that I took advantage of him and he did blah blah for me.  He goes into a tirade about I had my chance to do right by him and I should have done this and that and so on and I've even called and yelled and said I don't want the speeches. If you don't want me then I don't have to hear it. My friend is not being so nice to him however and of course they are battling via emails and of COURSE he tosses a dig in at me every so often. YAY me. Boy can I pick 'em.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I may have mistaken you with someone else, but I will say you have gone deeper than I was willing to go in much less time than I did. I consider myself a pretty open, trusting, even naive spirited individual. Your join date compared with today's is pretty close in actuality. It may just be your area of the universe and there may be more ease of meeting people, but I was just getting comfy around the same point in my joining. I don't think I had met anyone yet. I am not at all saying your experience would parallel mine. I do see things moving kinda fast and loose given the expressed trust issues. It is one reason my current relationship is on a bit of a slow track. He had been hurt pretty badly several times and just insists on taking everything slow and being cautious, not of me, but of life in general as we build our relationship. We will soon be a year and a half in and only now has he started setting up any major tasking or rules, aside from when we are together in person. It really is okay to insist upon a pace in building a relationship that is appropriate to your needs. Do you feel you rushed? Do you feel things went too slow? Why do you think you agreed to this "test" your friend proposed?

Like I said before, he definitely was in the wrong in how he handled you and choosing to go for your friend's bait. You have to evaluate now how you got to be in that relationship in the first place. What selection criteria did you use in choosing him? How might it need to be different in the future to avoid further heartache? Just remember similar methods produce similar results, so nip it in the bud. Find the common links in your relationships, both vanilla and D/s and see where some adjustments can be made. What can you work on within yourself to attract a partner that will be healthy for you? I wish you nothing but the best! I hope you are back to fighting form soon!

lovingpet