SummerMagpie
Posts: 9
Joined: 1/12/2009
Status: offline
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(Thank you!)
I am primarily into (and what first attracted me to D/s) power exchange and, if Davan can be said to have an emotion fetish, I have a trust fetish. Displays of deep trust in real life or in fiction (and written porn does the best job so far of displaying this in fiction) get me hot and get me off. When trust is involved I'll do quite a lot that otherwise might be ramming up against some limits. Whips and chains are fine, but they're sprinkles. I like sprinkles, but I don't stick my spoon in the jar and just eat them. They're also sprinkles I haven't partaken of yet: it's possible (doubtful, but possible) that I might eat sprinkles (bondage) and decide I don't like them! Not LIKELY, but anything is possible.
Leashes, something I love (and do have some experience with) link back to trust. It's why I like them. I said to someone else that subbing makes the world smaller, closer, easier to manage: everything you have to worry about is well within your scope. Anything that isn't in your immediate circle of influence is not yours to worry about. Leashes, collars, cuffs, closets, masks, blindfolds, and similar things are things I find comforting instead of sexually arousing, though add in the appropriate person and TRUST and I'd probably get hot in a hurry. Dominance, control, and discipline are appealing- doing something to someone because s/he lets you, and maintaining discipline... I almost said "like I do with my dog," but let's face it, for everything but "sit," good manners with young children, not nipping/jumping, humans eating at the table, and walking at heel on a leash my dog takes a message and gets back to me. "Go lay down" and letting people get in the front door without an escape attempt are things in my fondest dreams, not reality. XD So let's go with "maintaining discipline better than my dog" for this discussion. Tying somebody up is nice, but I like the idea mainly for aesthetic reasons... perhaps too much art training. What I really love rolling around in my head, and come back to over and over in idle moments, is human furniture. Is saying "sit" and being obeyed without question or hesitation. I like the equipment, but I like the headspace so much more. I would be absolutely happy to be a pet and follow a dominant around on a leash and sit at his/her feet, mostly ignored but for the occasional headpat. I would be absolutely happy to put a male submissive in panties and make him hold my purse; tell him or her to sit, not now, mommy's talking, and put my feet up on his or her shoulders and back- or heck, if this is fantasyland, get a strapping man and sit on him like a park bench while I chatted and caught up on my knitting. Groping him between rows, of course, and, because this is fantasy, good boys absolutely get a treat (blowjob, if he's been just that good, because it's only on SPECIAL occasions a sub gets to come when mommy fucks him, now isn't it?) when we get home.
Fantasyland wanders like the point in a high school debate class. That would be the point if fantasies. Reality is that I am not going to blow anyone I am not in a committed long-term relationship with because that is how I've set myself up. "Fidelity" and "chastity" does not exclude threesomes (it excludes temporary threesomes, but recurring or permanent arrangements are well within range), but (for me) it implies a level of commitment and intimacy that takes time to develop, and since I'm a stubborn, private little cuss who'll tell you almost anything you want but keep you at a proper distance anyways, it will probably take years. I focus on building friendships because, in my limited experience, nobody who's out for tail is going to wait years to get off. (And I, very reasonably I think, do not expect them to. They didn't take a vow of chastity, after all.)
After all, in addition to the whole chastity thing I don't let people make claims on my time lightly. I don't want people thinking they can expect something from me that I am not willing to give them (which happens far more often than I am willing to put up with). WANTING, in theory, is perfectly fine, but if there's someone who has the decency to want quietly then I (obviously) don't know about it. Maybe that's where it comes from, my perceived conflict with highly selective sex and relationships: people WANT, and they don't do it quietly and they usually make a damn nuisance of themselves doing it, see above re: stalkers. I don't find it cute, I find it bloody annoying and worthy of being removed from the gene pool. I don't even let most (some, certainly, but not most) of my friends make frequent claims on my time- make two long phone calls in a week while I'm trying to read and I'm going to be poking you to get to the point... assuming I'm not doing the "uh huh" routine we all know and love. I do this to friends, people for whom I will drive two hours to come get them when they lock themselves out of their cars, whom I will sit up with all night when I have to go to work in the morning, for whom I will dedicate an entire day to move a sofa up two fights of stairs. I am not about to be monopolized by acquaintances and strangers.
The point here is I have no problem with people I am entertaining fulfilling their physical and emotional needs elsewhere. Take care of business, honey, just don't make a mess and don't bother me while I'm working. I have no problems with someone who is casually dating me getting off with someone else with whom s/he is honest. I don't, as yet, have a problem with someone who is seriously dating me finding sexual fulfillment elsewhere. This is what open and honest discussion is for, and if our relationship is at a stage that can be called "serious" and I still won't fuck him/her, obviously we have quite a lot to discuss! I absolutely feel that this attitude of "go away now and come back when I want you if you feel like it" is not the way to conduct an intimate relationship and it's probably not the way to build one either... but that's how I am right now. People stay because they want to be there. You learn to adjust to each other and if being with someone who has an independent nature and likes a lot of alone-time bothers you then it's my belief that you need to reassess your priorities. If and when I accept someone as my dominant I'm certainly not going to tell him or her to bug off and come back later, but anyone who gets to that point with me will absolutely have encountered such behavior by then, be very well aware of it and most of the rest of my quirks and foibles, and give me the space I need because, bluntly, anyone who doesn't give me that space will not have gotten that far. It's not for everyone. I'm not for everyone. You knew what it said on the box when you bought it.
...I've lost my point. Do you see it anywhere? I'm pretty sure it started with "not having sex," but the whole "almost four am" thing just completely blew it off and now it's stuck in tangents. Oh well. In the grand tradition of much internet before me, I'll post something written while sleep-deprived. If I've used the wrong word and contradicted myself in the same sentence, that's probably why. I'll edit tomorrow if I find any.
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