Is your attraction always kinky? (Full Version)

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sodsta -> Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 6:55:56 AM)

I was talking to a dominant friend of mine yesterday and she said that when she sees an attractive person on the street or in a bar or wherever, her first thought is no longer just "wow, s/he's hot," but has turned into "I really want to tie hir and do nasty things to hir."

She said this immediate reaction to seeing an attractive person only came about as she began exploring her kinky side and became more and ore comfortable with it, and I was just wondering if this was common among kinky people.

When you see an attractive person, is your first thought a kinky one? For example, if you're a dom/me, do you have a similar reaction to my friend up there? And likewise, if you're a sub, do you see a hot person and think "I'd quite like to be tied up/spanked/beaten/whatever by that person"?

Or is your reaction usually a more generic "they're hot"?

Thanks for any feedback. :)


-- Kye



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 8:11:14 AM)

My reaction has nothing to do with kink..if a hawt person's there my reaction is: "I'd fuck'em"



Andalusite -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 8:16:07 AM)

I don't react that way to strangers of any sort - they have to express an interest in me and get to know me as a person before they show up on my radar at all. I can appreciate eye candy, but more "Ooh, pretty/cute" than outright sex or kink, and women tend to catch my eye that way more often than men do, even though I'm more sexually drawn to guys. Once I am interested in someone, I want to do kinky things with them. I haven't had a vanilla relationship in 15 years, since I first got involved in BDSM.



leadership527 -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 8:24:14 AM)

Yup, what Andalusite said. I don't react that way to strangers at all.



shadowowl -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 10:54:45 AM)

My first reaction to someone is usually based on the shallow perspective lol.  
Generally the things i notice first are clothes if they dress like an idiot they have to be really really good looking to pass the next text :P
personally I view how someone dresses as an indicator of their personality.
if they don't care how they look why should I.   and well although I can be deep I choose to start in the shallow end and swim out lol.
if someone isn't really very pretty but really puts a lot of effort into trying that goes a lot further with me then someone that is pretty and doesn't care.
effort goes a long way for me much further then natural beauty.   IE (megan fox is naturally pretty but to me is not very sexy cause she comes accross as lazy and takes for granted what she has)    While Cate Blanchet to me is one of the most beautiful women in the world.     I don't know either of them personally so I would clasify my opinions on both as shallow.   Never the less a few casual minutes of observing someone in a bar on a bus or at the mall I usually have a rough generalizion in my head of their level of sexiness to me.     And of course none of my observations or first thoughts on attraction have to do with kink. 
Though on occasion I might say  a very pretty lady walking a dog and secretly wish I was on that leash ;) haha



RavenMuse -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 11:05:03 AM)

If someone catches My eye, apart from an aesthetic appreciation the thought is.... now is she is sub/slave then Heeeellllllllllllooooooooo young lady.

If they are not then I may admire as I would a piece of art but I wouldn't be interested in them in any other respect. In fact much of the time what catches My eye and makes Me notice them is a glance or a tone that looks like a possible submissive response to the possible chemistry that she picks up.



Acer49 -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 11:31:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

I was talking to a dominant friend of mine yesterday and she said that when she sees an attractive person on the street or in a bar or wherever, her first thought is no longer just "wow, s/he's hot," but has turned into "I really want to tie hir and do nasty things to hir."

She said this immediate reaction to seeing an attractive person only came about as she began exploring her kinky side and became more and ore comfortable with it, and I was just wondering if this was common among kinky people.

When you see an attractive person, is your first thought a kinky one? For example, if you're a dom/me, do you have a similar reaction to my friend up there? And likewise, if you're a sub, do you see a hot person and think "I'd quite like to be tied up/spanked/beaten/whatever by that person"?

Or is your reaction usually a more generic "they're hot"?

Thanks for any feedback. :)

-- Kye

Nope.. First is how attractive they are, which is not the same as how hot they are. I can't think of a time. even when I was much younger, that my thought process was such that when I saw an attractive woman, my first thought would be "Man, that's butt I'd really like to spank"




LaTigresse -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 11:34:13 AM)

My initial attraction is rarely kinky. There are even the occasion males that attract my eye.

That being said, just because I see, or know, someone that makes me think about hot sex........doesn't mean I will act on it. And it certainly doesn't mean it would be a good idea, or that we could have any sort of relationship. Usually, it would totally mess up the existing relationship I already have with the person.

Example.......A guy I know, about 34ish. Sooooooooo good looking and just a lot of fun. We spent a lot of time together, both working and outside of work. Even took a vacation together and had to share a room for a couple nights in Cancun.(long story) Lots of flirting always, and did I mention, he is a really fun person?

But no, we never got busy because it just would have screwed things up HUGELY. And no, I never imagined tying him up or visa versa. Just appreciated a gorgeous guy with a great personality.



flogger -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 11:42:17 AM)

I need to be shot for my past error ways. letting peer groups control who I meet or talk to. Yep it was total competion. Now that Im older, shit ...plenty of regrets.



abuddingdom -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 12:38:03 PM)

One of those cliche's which is actually true & was a hard won life lesson for me more than once  is "beauty is skin deep(I've tweaked it to "can be" only skin deep).  But, I have to admit that for most of my life when I find myself attracted to a woman my thoughts  have generally relatively quickly gone to to kink.I've , literally, always been kinky, since my earliest memories. It's changing some, though, I've noticed. It takes me longer to go there, in my head, with someone I dont know well or, say, with someone I pass on the street when it used to be almost automatic. For that matter, the amount of time I spend fantasizing about  women in general has  somewhat decreased. Can't be age, though, so don't even suggest it.....

Ravenmuse strikes a chord in me when he likens someone he finds attractive but isn't attracted to(I think thats what he means) to viewing art. I have long done  that, & have thought of it in that exact terms with not only people but with many living or even inanimate things. Examples are sometimes appreciating the beauty of a woman  in whom I have no sexual or romantic interest, or even sometimes the beauty of a man. Most of us have certain animals which we think are  particularly cool(it's zebras for me), & flowers & other forms of botany or anything natural ,  but not limited to  nature.  When I get off on something like that I often think of it as art. I'm not big on sweets & gooey things, but I love to see food like that presented ,like in a bakery or a dessert cart or even in a picture & have often said that it's like "viewing art" to me.  



pyroaquatic -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 12:57:38 PM)

Define Attraction and Kinky. :D

When I first viddy a nice person I make note of their form, symmetry, how well they take care of their body, posture. Then I evaluate the level of thought they place in their articulation which lets me know how much they value education (and thus their brain).

Next I try to elicit some basic values from them. It may seem like a random process but it is very methodical.

Still, at some point I may gain some false readings but that is a risk one must take.

Note: Just because I am attracted does not mean I want to fuck them. It just means I want to be around them. ^_^



mnottertail -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 12:58:52 PM)

define is.

WJC



porcelaine -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 1:28:36 PM)

i'm attracted to the mind. the aesthetics are nice but when he opens his mouth i will either be stimulated or shaking my head in disbelief at the wind in his head. for me there's nothing sexier than a man that has a combination of intellect, wit (quick i hope), and a self-confidence that isn't arrogantly inspired but merely the result of the inner pride he possesses in himself. i don't conjure lewd thoughts either. i may say he's fuckable but that's the extent of it. the physical part is secondary. if he can't get in my head the car stands still.

porcelaine



rideemwet -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 1:46:11 PM)

Somewhere between noticing someone and finding them attractive comes the question "could she have a submissive side?".  Now admittedly that's a tough question to answer without either some interaction or watching her for a while, but I guess I'm old enough that even finding someone  attraction takes a little more than a passing physical image.  And having a submissive side doesn't necessarily mean in the bdsm context, but in a more general willingness to let someone else lead.  That's not always easy to spot because I also tend to prefer the professional types that work around a submissive personality in many aspects. 

Anyway, it was realizing that I liked that type of personality that lead me into bdsm, not the other way around ...



afterforever -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 1:58:56 PM)

I don't generally find someone sexually attractive from a first glance, I find them aesthetically attractive. If once I meet them and talk to them I am sexually attracted to them, then yeah my mind does wander pretty quickly to the kink. Gotta check the hands, see if they look able to give a good spanking.



Prinsexx -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 2:20:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

I was talking to a dominant friend of mine yesterday and she said that when she sees an attractive person on the street or in a bar or wherever, her first thought is no longer just "wow, s/he's hot," but has turned into "I really want to tie hir and do nasty things to hir."

She said this immediate reaction to seeing an attractive person only came about as she began exploring her kinky side and became more and ore comfortable with it, and I was just wondering if this was common among kinky people.

When you see an attractive person, is your first thought a kinky one? For example, if you're a dom/me, do you have a similar reaction to my friend up there? And likewise, if you're a sub, do you see a hot person and think "I'd quite like to be tied up/spanked/beaten/whatever by that person"?

Or is your reaction usually a more generic "they're hot"?

Thanks for any feedback. :)


-- Kye

I have an inbuilt radar for dom/sub differentiation in males especially. It's in those barely visible cues: a combination of body language and pherenomes. My body language and pherenomes also play a part and have a role in elliciting the connection.
Now that person(s) may not be actively kinked but that is not my point.
My point is that I believe everyone is innately sub or dom by nature in a kind of melle of a pecking order based on a service-sex-sadism continuum.
Sl: I am innately more attracted to dom males than sub males. I am innately more ttracted to sub females than domme females.
That's not to say I'd be up for screwing with the entire popuation of the UK so to speak. But paradoxically once someone comes 'out' as acrively a knked perrson that might actually turn me off more that turn me on. I guess you might say I am attracted to repression?



CreativeDominant -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 2:27:36 PM)

Things have changed for me as I've gotten older.  When I first see someone, I do note whether they are attractive but a lot of what makes a person attractive for me from a physical standpoint is sum of several things, not just the face.  If it is a woman, then yes, I notice the face and then the ass and then the chest.  But, I want to see how she carries all that...how does she walk (like a girl who was never taught how to walk in a sexy, feminine manner or like a woman who is happy with being a woman and secure in her own ability to make a man look just by moving in a feminine way?), how does she carry herself (arrogantly?  ready to take on the world and not in a good way?  self-assuredly?), what her posture is (stooped as if the world has been cruel to her or stooped because she's just too lazy to stand up straight?).  I want to look in her face and see what shows on that face...intelligence?  vacancy?  indicators of constant moodiness?  This all plays into attractiveness for me but I realize it is a shallow attraction presented on the surface.  Still, they help to lead to thoughts of "Man, she is pretty...hot...fine...etc."  More time to think on these things can, depending on that initial impression, lead to "yeah, I'd fuck her...and spank her...and enjoy her cries and tears".  But I generally don't go there as easily as I used to...it usually takes more, such as hearing her speak or carrying on a conversation with her.  There are things I can't know until I hear her or speak to her...how her voice plays on the ear, whether or not there is an indication of a good mind and a good nature under what may look like there is. 

There is much more but this is what plays for me on initial impression.



LaTigresse -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 2:41:54 PM)

Now I am reminded of some experiments I did several years ago.



DomImus -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 4:07:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

I was talking to a dominant friend of mine yesterday and she said that when she sees an attractive person on the street or in a bar or wherever, her first thought is no longer just "wow, s/he's hot," but has turned into "I really want to tie hir and do nasty things to hir."


That's been my first thought for as long as I can remember. It's instinct for me. All this hoopla about getting to know them and their mind and all that... pffft. We're talking about someone you might be standing in line with at the grocery for five minutes and who you may never see again in this lifetime of any other.



AAkasha -> RE: Is your attraction always kinky? (9/15/2009 4:59:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

I was talking to a dominant friend of mine yesterday and she said that when she sees an attractive person on the street or in a bar or wherever, her first thought is no longer just "wow, s/he's hot," but has turned into "I really want to tie hir and do nasty things to hir."


That's been my first thought for as long as I can remember. It's instinct for me. All this hoopla about getting to know them and their mind and all that... pffft. We're talking about someone you might be standing in line with at the grocery for five minutes and who you may never see again in this lifetime of any other.



Right.  At first as I was reading the responses, I was thinking, man, maybe I am a freak.  But seriously - when you FIRST see someone, and it's someone you probably won't meet or know or whatever, but you think they are "hot" - if you are going to have a little fantasy in your head, what's it about?

When you were a teenager and you had "fantasies" about rock stars or actors, what were those fantasies about?

That's what I think the heart of the question is.  For me, it's always bondage of some sort, and always has been.  When other giddy teenager girls were dreaming about what it would be like to hold hands or marry or (gasp, blush) make love to their pinup, I was thinking of my pinup - well, pinned up.  Restrained.  Helpless.  Gagged. 

Other thoughts might be things like -- I wonder what he sounds like begging?  I wonder what his eyes look like when he pleads with them?  I wonder if he is a struggler, or more stoic? 

But yes, to the OP and others - when I am attracted to a man, whether I may ever say a word to him or not, my imagery in my mind, the stuff that makes me hot and excited, is about bondage.  Moreso even than "I wonder if he is a good kisser" or "I wonder how big his cock is."  Or, even "I wonder if he's any good in bed."   It's always been bondage.  One track mind, I guess!!

Akasha



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