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LaTigresse -> Who are You and where did You come from?!?! (9/15/2009 7:18:51 AM)
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I've been thinking about something for a day or so. We debate back and forth on the differences between vanilla and M/s or D/s relationships. Usually, for me, it's really not that big a chasm. But for others, and yes I do see it, there are differences.
I've maintained several vanilla relationships, of various sorts, for over 20 years. The are all pretty sound and very important to me. However, they are not structured in a manner I want a M/s relationship structured. There is not the transparency I demand and give, to an s-type. I don't see the need. It's not asked for, expected, or even wanted. They are just different, for different reasons.
Now, the reason I am bringing this here. I read on here all the time about ideal D or M type qualities. It appears that most s-types hold their D or M, to a higher standard than many people in a non power exchange relationship. For some, good reason. If I were going to give over total control of my life and well being, I would be more concerned about a variety of things I otherwise wouldn't.
I know that when I realized this was the type of relationship I wanted, I needed to do a lot of work on me. I wanted to be the type of person worthy of someone submitting to. Worthy of that trust. In ways that no vanilla relationship needed.
There really is a quality to these types of relationships that, at least in MY eyes, demands the M or D, be more. More trustworthy, more accountable, more responsible, more honourable............etc etc etc. I mean, as a vanilla wife, I sure as HELL was never punished. He never managed my money or bills. He had no say in how I raised my children. None in how I conducted myself in public. Or whether or not I attended an event or how I dressed if I did. And the list goes on.
So, what does happen when the M or D you thought you were collared to, or married to, does something that rocks that foundation of trust? If they behave like an utter ass, not only disgracing you, but themselves? How does that relationship survive, the s-type continue to submit to a person that is somehow less? How do you continue to submit to someone that hurt you, betrayed you, showed themselves to be less honourable, trustworthy, etc?
Now perhaps I am just reading more into this than exists. Maybe it really is just an illusion and these are all, just relationships. We ignore, accept, one another's failings. Stick our heads in the sand and try to focus on their good qualities, ignoring the needs we had that lead us to this type of relationship. Because of course, an s-type, especially a good slave, accepted that collar and have to suck it up. Regardless of whether the M or D is the person they wanted them to be or not?
Most non power exchange relationships, both parties have more freedom to express, "your being a schmuck!! Knock it off or we are OVER!"
I am not suggesting anything. I am just curious how submissives and slaves cope with this sort of issue. When you have put so much trust into a person being so much, how do you cope with the knowledge they aren't? How does it affect your submission and ultimately the relationship?
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