LaTigresse
Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Using fast reply........
Funny to read this subject after the night and week I've had.
I learned a long time ago, the hard way, that most people DO NOT WANT to hear what I have to say about their personal issue, regardless my motive or how carefully I word it. I made a decision that unless it means someone, I care about, is going to be put in serious danger, I am better off keeping my big mouth SHUT.
I've told family and friends, over and over "If you want my opinion A. you are probably going to have to ask for it, and B. ask for it, knowing I am going to be totally honest".
Very few end up asking. Even if they do ask my opinion and/or advice, quite often they don't listen. They simply continue on as they would have anyway, end up in the fiery crash and then, are so embarassed that what I warned, came to pass, it puts a strain on the relationship. I am at that place with my adult son at the moment. He is pouting because I am right and he knows it, but is too embarrassed to face me and admit it. With most people, it is better to let them go on about their way, and then let them come to you after the fact. Something I have found, especially with my daughter, she will often say something like "You already knew it was a stupid mistake didn't you?" To which my reply is often a wry look and she will say "Mom, why didn't you say anything?" And I will say "Would you have listened?' Her reply is almost always "No, probably not."
The reason being, most people will take the path of least resistance, thinking that is the best path. The reality is that, the path of least resistance, is usually easier because it is so by nature of learned behaviour. Unfortunately that learned behaviour is often a self destructive one. Repeating the same mistakes over and over.
The smart/lucky ones, survive their mistakes and learn from them. The rest, depending upon the mistakes, either die by them, or continue to fuck up, and never understand their own culpability. They never learn to take responsibility for themselves.
Now, back to why it is a pertinent subject for me today. Today, I am going to go against my traditional, mouth shut, way of dealing with stupidity. Not for myself, but because I feel it is my duty to the people that work for me. I work for a very small company with a young and inexperienced owner. He is a great guy, a dear friend actually, but also rather spoilt. He pretty much had this company handed to him on a silver platter. Perhaps not solid silver, but it definitely had a healthy plating of pure sterling. Since 2003 I have watched him slowly run it into the ground, all while making excuses why he was not able to uphold his end of the bargain.......sales. Because of his weaknesses, we have slowly watched employee benefits dwindle. Gone the company paid gym memberships. Gone the big fun Xmas parties. Then gone the small intimate, less expensive Xmas parties, gone the annual raises. Only one, very insulting one in 6 years. We accepted that IF instead of a pay increase, he would put the money back into purchasing, much needed new equipment. He hasn't. Now, after a trip with our consulting firm, the new excuse/fix.......take away vacation and instead only a mandatory time off over the 4th of July and the week between Xmas and NewYears, because business is slow anyway.
Now I am not going to go into the very lame reasoning behind the latest change, but suffice to say it is because of HIS excuse book for not being able to motivate himself to do his job. Since 2003 there have been a dozen excuses to the consultant, and us, why he cannot do sales. Until now, it mattered less. But now he is penalizing company employees for his weaknesses. The same toxic bullshit that is destroying corporate america.
I have two choices, I can leave, take a better paying job and walk away with a heavy heart and bad for the people that will not find it so easy to do so. OR, I can do the very scary, difficult, painful thing and try to make a change.
Tactful is most definitely not my strong point. To complicate things, the owner is easily upset over confrontation. Somehow, someway, for the sake of the people I was put in charge of, I have to find a tactful way to tell him to pull his head out of his ass, take responsibility for his own shit and quit treating his employees like expendable objects.
It ain't gonna be easy.
I may be working for a new company next week.
But my gut tells me I have to do everything possible to have a clean concious. I just can't take the easy road this time.
But if I see my friend or sibling, making a stupid choice, chances are I will still keep my mouth shut. Unless, like this time, it affects others I agree to take responsibility for.
_____________________________
My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!
Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!
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RE: Tactful - 
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