|
barelynangel -> RE: Tactful (9/19/2009 11:04:36 AM)
|
There is no for sure happening of the train wreck, however, to me, in the situations the OP has described the INTERFERENCE WILL make the train wreck happen because in the end the person is interfereing in something that IS NONE OF HIS/HER BUSINESS, its the sad fact even if its good intentions. And it will just cause disharmony in their relationship where there may NOT be any or it may FEED disharmony in issues they may be working on.
person can many times BE DIFFERENT with someone else, old relationshipers don't want to admit that because then they would have to face the actuality that maybe THEY were part of the problem. Its not a nice thing to have to really look at yourself in that way. Even if she did something wrong in your eyes, it doesn't mean she will with this guy or maybe she has changed how she perceives things and her priorities. Its obvious you in your former relationship wasn't the priority -- her lying to you was.
I know many people who were complete screw ups in a relationship with one person and yet with another person they relationship THRIVED. In ANY RELATIONSHIP IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE -- so yes, a person CAN have a different relationship with another person and be a completely different type of person. In the end, everyone has stories of past relationships, everyone has opinions of people, however, in the end, it simply could be THE RELATIONSHIP meaning you yourself was a catalyst for some reason to a person being who they were with you. Maybe with this person they have what your ex needs or your former friends or known people needs to make the relationship work with the person than you did. Its a hard fact to swallow because its natural to blame the other person when a relationship ends or a friendship ends or see fault in who or what they are. However, different environment, different atmosphere, different understandings, beliefs, LIFE, can make a person different.
Also, the OP is assuming that the past of these people haven't been talked about with their partners. OR that YOUR OPINION of the past should somehow be significant to them. Its not. Sorry but it really isn't. You are very insignificant in other people's relationships.
Myself, with most of my ex boyfriends before meeting my Master i was a COMPLETE BITCH, queen bitch, and i treated them horribly, however, then comes along my Master and i was a completely different woman with him than with my exs and it was commented on while i was with him.
To me, IF you want to interfere than approach them BOTH at the same time and tell them BOTH of what you see as issues. Your ex, should have the right to face her accusor as you attempt to bring negative into her relationship.
Yes may a train wreck occur -- sure, that's what happens at times IN relationships, however, predicting a trainwreck and attempting to stop an alleged trainwreck prior to it happening to me is a sure way of making a trainwreck happen.
Now that being said, its also natural to wnat to protect people from what you deem harmful especially if you care about them. But sometimes you have to realize this may be something they HAVE to go through in their life. Like i said before, if you plan to interfere based on your supposed knowledge or feelings or opinions (in the end that's really ALL it is -- nothing more or less) make sure you do so with BOTH of them together instead of taking the one you care about aside to feed them a bit of juicy gossip about someone they have told you they care about. BUt its always a very tricky situation of when do you say something and when don't you.
With people you DON'T KNOW and only are rumored to be red flags -- stay out of it -- period. Its not fair for a new person to have people running up to them redflagging people. Sorry but its not. That is your OWN BIAS working and its not up to you to decide who should get to have relationships with whom just because you don't like someone.
WIth the ex, when you see them both, make it known you had a relationship and you can also imply it ended badly. IF the guy is that interested he will ask her and/or you about it then and there. If she is worried something may get back to him, she will tell him.
With the rest, it really is none of your business and unless you feel everyone who is your friend has the right to fill you or your girls head with NEGATIVE information about you guys in an attempt to get you to not be together, then go for it. If yo feel its not their place, then respect that for other people's relationships.
IF one or both of them come to chat with you, then be honest as to your opinion.
All in all it sucks to be in the OP's position but sometimes you have to let people find out they made a mistake or bad decision on their own and hope that they don't find this to be true in their currect situation.
angel
|
|
|
|
