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ORIGINAL: leadership527

You're a good slave.
He WAS a good master.
He got fat, dumb and happy and stopped mastering you.
As I would expect a good submissive to do, you adapted to that.
He got progressively more unhappy and didn't mention that to you.
NOW, that's all your fault.

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ORIGINAL: worthlesstrash

I have been in my relationship for 3 years now. We started off as M/s, then we got married a short time later. I have found myself over the past few years just really confused in it all. After we had been together awhile, he sort of backed off of being the strict master he was, and that made me back off of being in the "role" of his slave.

I admit I had no clue how unhappy he was with everything until we had a bit of a blow-up about something totally unrelated last week. While I am grateful he is getting better about talking to me about how he feeling and thinking, it has also been a bit overwhelming getting "hit" with so much information at once.

I found out how much he missed me being his slave. It's not that I didn't do what he would tell me to, or that I wasn't being submissive to him being his wife..it's that he wants more than that. It has surprised me a bit how much control he actually wants, it's not something he has really shared with me before. I wouldn't say it's micromanagement, but it hinges on the line.

After much thought I have decided to throw myself back into the dynamic. I talked to him about it and how I am not one that can go half way in, I need 120% or nothing at all. We talked about my need for rules, for follow through in punishment, and things along that line. He has told me he will sit down today and write out exactly what he desires and expects of me, and what rules he wants to implement into our daily lives. I look forward to sitting down with him tonight and going over them and setting them into stone (so to speak) immediately after.

I have had my head so far away from all of this for so long, I worry I won't be able to get into it again. It's not that I would refuse, it's that I wouldn't be doing it with a happy heart, and I fear resentment will find it's way in. I am admit I worry a bit that I will get my mind back there again, and he will grow bored with enforcing what he has set up. I am not sure I could take that back and fort thing again, it's so confusing for me.

Can I do what I am told? Yes, I know I can do that. The thing I am trying to figure out is how do I deal with all of this again....the uncertainty, the build up and then the fear it will all be lost again. I think that's why in my heart I am rebelling against it, and in turn that's taking the joy out of it. As I lay there when he is inflicting pain on me, I feel my mind almost go into an abused mode (which I know I am not being), and that makes each bit of pain feel like it hits my soul instead of bringing pleasure. I know that pain can cause me pleasure, because at times I love it and need more and more..it's just figuring out how to find pleasure in him enjoying the pain and me not.

I don't know if any of the above is even making sense, but I hope somehow it is. I don't know if I even know what I am asking other than ... Will I ever be happy being this again? and What can I do to help put myself back into the mode of being his slave again?  

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worthlesstrash said:
Yes, he feels I pulled away..and I felt he pulled away...maybe we both did in some ways.

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ORIGINAL: worthlesstrash

Well, M and I sat down last night to go over an rules he wanted to implement. He wants me to clean, have his clothes ready, have breakfast prepared, and things along that line. The thing is, it's not really anything that I didn't do already, so I admit I am a touch confused. I thought he felt like we had went away from that, but it seems we were doing it all of the time. I brought up a few different things, like protocols, rules..etc, but he didn't really seem interested in them.

I don't have any problem at all with what he wants, I guess I just don't see how it's any different than what we have been doing for the last 3 yrs.

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It's good that we are on the same page though, that's what is most important. Maybe over time we can add in some things that he enjoys having me do and even some things I enjoy him controlling. One thing we have talked about is my dieting. I have been trying to lose a bit of weight so I asked him for help in this area. I will have a certain amount of calories I am allowed in a day, I will keep a food journal and when I go over I will be punished. I think it's something that will not only help my health, it will in turn make me better for him in many ways.

quote:

Well, M and I sat down last night to go over an rules he wanted to implement. He wants me to clean, have his clothes ready, have breakfast prepared, and things along that line. The thing is, it's not really anything that I didn't do already, so I admit I am a touch confused. I thought he felt like we had went away from that, but it seems we were doing it all of the time. I brought up a few different things, like protocols, rules..etc, but he didn't really seem interested in them.

I don't have any problem at all with what he wants, I guess I just don't see how it's any different than what we have been doing for the last 3 yrs. It's good that we are on the same page though, that's what is most important. Maybe over time we can add in some things that he enjoys having me do and even some things I enjoy him controlling. One thing we have talked about is my dieting. I have been trying to lose a bit of weight so I asked him for help in this area. I will have a certain amount of calories I am allowed in a day, I will keep a food journal and when I go over I will be punished. I think it's something that will not only help my health, it will in turn make me better for him in many ways.

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ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

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ORIGINAL: worthlesstrash

Well, M and I sat down last night to go over an rules he wanted to implement. He wants me to clean, have his clothes ready, have breakfast prepared, and things along that line. The thing is, it's not really anything that I didn't do already, so I admit I am a touch confused. I thought he felt like we had went away from that, but it seems we were doing it all of the time. I brought up a few different things, like protocols, rules..etc, but he didn't really seem interested in them.

I don't have any problem at all with what he wants, I guess I just don't see how it's any different than what we have been doing for the last 3 yrs.

While the actions may be the same as what you've been doing for the last three years, the meaning of them is considerably different now. You did them because you wanted to or you felt responsible or thought that to be a good wife you should do them. Or maybe you did them, imagining you were his slave. But you did not do them because you knew he would be completely within his rights to severely punish you if you do not do them...and that he would punish you for disobedience. These acts, however you thought about them before, were not compelled, you were not required by him to obey. But now they are--you must do them--and you must obey, no matter how much you might not want to sometimes. You say you've had strict masters in the past. Do you remember how it felt to be given something easy and simple to do but, because you HAD to do it, it was harder, somehow less appealing than if you were doing it of your own free will and volition? In a master-slave relationship in which genuine power is being exchanged, you can expect to feel a lot of that. Resentment at times at the double standard when it comes to freedom, frustration at having to do something, an impulse to do things differently but knowing you can't without permission, and, of course, the perverse sweetness of all of that. :) If he controls you, if he dominates you now, these familiar acts should start to feel very different to you. At least I hope they will. :)

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It's good that we are on the same page though, that's what is most important. Maybe over time we can add in some things that he enjoys having me do and even some things I enjoy him controlling. One thing we have talked about is my dieting. I have been trying to lose a bit of weight so I asked him for help in this area. I will have a certain amount of calories I am allowed in a day, I will keep a food journal and when I go over I will be punished. I think it's something that will not only help my health, it will in turn make me better for him in many ways.

There are also many common little things he could do that would be very controlling and remind you of your place: that you are owned and not your own person anymore. It might be good if he started doing some of those, as you have been out of the slave loop for a while. :) A very common one that many dominants do is make a slave always ask permission before she uses the bathroom when he's there or whenever he demands you do so. It's a very small thing, but it really reminds a slave that she is not in charge of herself anymore, that any freedoms she does have are there only because he tolerates/grants them. Small things are good, too, because there isn't a lot at stake with them. A weightloss program is a big thing. It's very hard to do, even if you are controlled, and for many women, so very much rides on it. But having to ask permission to pee, lol, that's not going to devestate you if you lapse sometime, although your bottom might feel pretty devestated after you confess you forgot to ask.

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ORIGINAL: starshineowned

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Well, M and I sat down last night to go over an rules he wanted to implement. He wants me to clean, have his clothes ready, have breakfast prepared, and things along that line. The thing is, it's not really anything that I didn't do already, so I admit I am a touch confused. I thought he felt like we had went away from that, but it seems we were doing it all of the time. I brought up a few different things, like protocols, rules..etc, but he didn't really seem interested in them.

I don't have any problem at all with what he wants, I guess I just don't see how it's any different than what we have been doing for the last 3 yrs. It's good that we are on the same page though, that's what is most important. Maybe over time we can add in some things that he enjoys having me do and even some things I enjoy him controlling. One thing we have talked about is my dieting. I have been trying to lose a bit of weight so I asked him for help in this area. I will have a certain amount of calories I am allowed in a day, I will keep a food journal and when I go over I will be punished. I think it's something that will not only help my health, it will in turn make me better for him in many ways.

I have come to understand that: No matter how many times I call someone Master..If that is truely not what I see in front of me every time I look...it isn't going to be.. and all the rules, protocols would only lead to resentful feelings of varying degrees.

Only He can bring you to see this in front of you. It won't work if your forcing or fooling yourself.

Good Luck

starshine