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CaringandReal -> RE: Advice needed (9/20/2009 6:04:15 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lilivontramp
quote:
ORIGINAL: NewDomVA
My Gf/sub has a very specific fetish, she doesn't share this information with anyone,
But you shared it with an entire website. That says a lot about you, in my opinion. And no, she isn't much better.
Oh come on! It's not at all the same. None of us knows his name or her name. It's entirely anonymous information. He's revealed nothing, he's not compromised her privacy, because nobody knows who he or she is. This is a fetish that lots of sub women (at least the ones I've known in my life) have. It's not something anybody can guess about you by looking at you. I'm not picking on you specifically by the way. I see several people have made a similar comment and I'm saying to all of you: it's a dumb and untrue thing to say and seems purposefully blind to reality. :/
....
NewDomVA, here's my advice. You love her, you want to keep her, and I assume you still want her to be your submissive. I don't think, given how you feel about this now, that telling you to leave her is very good advice. I mean, it might be good advice but knowing when to leave someone is usually something people have to learn on their own, in the school of hard knocks and broken hearts. They don't learn it through listening to someone on a forum say, however colorfully, "dump her cheating ass!"
Assuming you want to work with this situation, it would help you, I think, if you got to know and talk to some more experienced doms, the stricter ones, and learn from them how to control her. There are skills involved in control, there are things that work well and things that don't work so well. Another dom may be able to help you find what works with her to control her. Right now, she's out of control and from what you've said, I don't get the impression you have any idea of how to control her, or even feel that you should? Your description of your situation sounds like that of an unhappy vanilla couple. Nothing wrong with being vanilla of course, but I get the impression this is not what either of you want. If she really is submissive she may actually be relieved if you firmly took her in hand. Who knows? Maybe she's even doing this because she wants you to put your foot down, she wants to see that she can't manipulate you. It's gone a bit far, and some drastic measures may be needed to bring her in line. That's never easy to do with someone you love, which is probably why most men are not doms (and even most who say they are dom are not, in my experience). But anyway, if you want to be her dominant, you need to learn how this is done.
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