Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group?

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squirrelfury -> Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 10:50:32 AM)
Does anyone have any experience with-or suggestions on-getting people together safely for a free flow of ideas, experiences, and such? I ask because here in Okinawa, it seems that any existant scene is practiced by (very) private individuals behind closed, locked, and triple-barred doors. I can respect that, but coming from DC with its Black Rose group, I'm not wanting to give up the idea of a discrete community of us. Any guidance would be most helpful, and my thanks go out to you in advance. ~Squirrel~

MrThorns -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 10:57:00 AM)
I am going to make an assumption that you must be attatched to a government agency...be it the military or as a civilian contractor. If this is the case, you will have a hard time finding like minded people to get together and discuss BDSM, much less play. ( A lot of people in the military are afraid of facing UCMJ actions due to their BDSM practices.) There is a very healthy BDSM community in Japan, however from what I have heard of it, it is not very welcoming to "outsiders". The public dungeons in the US and the dungeons in Europe and Japan are very, very different from each other. The philosophies are different as well. I think you have quite a challenge. I'll try to research a few things and see what I can find for you. ~Thorns

sub4hire -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 11:01:42 AM)
Well I started Paddlers almost 4 years ago now. Actually because I got tired of the Black Rose board members I knew bitching to me how California had no groups. Well, that wasn't the only reason but it was one of the defining factors. Basically the advice they gave me proved true. As I've watched other groups be formed and fall since the creation of Paddlers. It is simple. Make your own group. Keep complete control of it the first couple of years before you allow outsiders in. Now my own advice is, let people be themselves. Don't be on them to change. Don't discriminate. If you are an adult by the countries eyes why do you need to be 32 to be an adult in the groups eyes? Bis, lesbians and trangendered all have something to say. Perhaps if you listen you may learn. Just as Fem Doms and Male Doms alike do. Just because it isn't your kink today doesn't mean you won't take a liking to it tomorrow. Anyway as I've told someone else here on the boards recently. Create a list..a BBS on yahoo or topica. Put your city..and BDSM or something in the title so its easy for people wanting info to search for you. Sit there, invite a friend or two so you can get some conversation started. Find a place willling to host you. Go sit. As people learn about you they will come. It usually takes a good 6 months to have a following. If you move the munch..people won't be able to find you. Expect to lose at least half for another 6 months. Don't get discouraged. It will happen in time.

Estring -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 11:04:55 AM)
I have to agree with Thorns on this. Especially about Japanese being reticent to accept outsiders. I know someone who is married to a Japanese woman, has lived in Japan for 20 years now, and still isn't accepted totally by her family. That is just how it is there. Good luck.

Sundew02 -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 11:10:59 AM)
My suggestion is for now, wait it out. You are stationed there for how long? Whatever it is, it isn't a permenant situation. The military is not populated with alternate lifestyle friendly people. Just a suggestion, and of course your choice, I would dump the location and the picture from my profile. No matter how liberal you are, your lifestyle choice should not be on the net while working for Uncle Sam. Stay here with us for now. Learn, interact with us, ask questions about things you don't understand. Take your R&R to places that have been shown to be D/s accessible. Use what you have to your best advantage, but stay safe from prying intrusive eyes. Sundew

squirrelfury -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 11:12:36 AM)
MrThorns Correct on me being military, and from what I understand, you're absolutely right about uniformed and governmental types being wary of such things. What can I say, I'm an optimist. grins Thank you for your good-natured insights, as well as your continued help. smiles

squirrelfury -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 11:26:40 AM)
sub4hire grins Sound advice, and I appreciate it. I know how the BR boardmembers like to bitch, though the new crop of 'em this year I would trust to run things well. Then again, I voted for 'em, so I'm biased. laughs Thank you. Estring Thank you, I'll need that luck. smiles wryly Definitely a withdrawn people to outsiders, I'm forced to agree. We'll see what we can spin together, eh? grins Sundew02 I appreciate your advice on this. You're right, of course, its not forever, only two years. It could be that there's just the teeniest possibility that livin' in DC with the BlackRose people so close at hand spoiled me. But just a small chance. winks As for keeping myself better hidden...shrugs...I've been lucky with balancing a successful enlistment and a semi-successful kinky life. Here's hoping I can keep it goin'. And believe me, I do want to learn from all of you, whatever you'll happily show and teach. If I don't always seem to take the lessons to heart, don't take it as intentional, but rather the pigheaded idealism of my age . smiles Thank you, truly, for your thoughts.

happypervert -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 5:02:56 PM)
quote: I know someone who is married to a Japanese woman, has lived in Japan for 20 years now, and still isn't accepted totally by her family. I'm not sure that is uniquely Japanese -- there are plenty of couples in the US where one family or the other doesn't totally accept the spouse of their child. My ex is Japanese and she said her folks liked me more than her previous Japanese boyfriends, so I felt accepted by them and others I met through them. And it wasn't just me -- some of their best friends were from Venezuela. So it might be simply meeting someone as friends who can open those doors to you. However, it could be really difficult in Okinawa. I understand the locals aren't thrilled to have the US military there, so they may be less accepting because they really want all of you to just go away.

MaitresseEden -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 9:26:23 PM)
How about starting by hosting something as innocuous as a discussion group about a more quasi vanilla topic. A great way to start is by hosting a book club. Start with a book that has Sadomasochistic undertones, but it still more mainstream. But when the discussion time begins put out feelers. Another thing that works for me to have dinner parties with others who appear to be like minded and have several games sitting out to play afterwards.. Games such as “scruples” or sex trivia can be intermixed in the stack with monopoly and often will be the ones chosen to play. The good thing is that it opens the conversation field and starts the discussion flowing. I totally reject the notion that because of the Eastern culture, one openly and freely discusses sexuality. If dealing with Hindu’s discuss the Kamasutra, which speaks openly about pain with intimacy and sexual pleasure, and also speaks of sexual service, of both males and females. If dealing with Buddhist’s many of the writings have an underlying D/s undertone. The Japanese tradition of the Samurai is deeply steeping in D/s and sexual servitude of a homoerotic nature. All are grounds for great beginnings to new friendships and new groups. Start with a month dinner party, or bi weekly.. And see what evolves. In Peace, Ms. Eden

compes -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 11:25:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: squirrelfury I ask because here in Okinawa, it seems that any existant scene is practiced by (very) private individuals behind closed, locked, and triple-barred doors. I can respect that, but coming from DC with its Black Rose group, I'm not wanting to give up the idea of a discrete community of us. I was stationed in Okinawa for 6 years, from '86 to '93. Air Force, lived in Bazley towers. I loved Okinawa! I sure hope you've taken advantage of SCUBA while there? I've seen some scandal there. In 1989 some sailors, Marines, and Air Force were busted by Navy Intelligence for meeting every week in a bathroom for sex in one of the military parks. (White Beach I think - but I could be wrong.) AWACs was involved (and named 'GAYWACS' by everyone afterwards) Stars and Stripes newspaper was hushed up on it and they raised a huge stink about that too. (You can find the story about that in Lexis.) I don't know how many times American servicemen in Okinawa have raped, kidnapped, or killed the locals. Usually it's pretty sensational - and it's lead to renegotiation of the Status of Forces Agreement. So no, I don't think you'll get an invite from the locals - not very easily. When I was stationed there, BBS systems run by military members on their own time were very much the rage, and several systems were subscription only, and kink friendly. They're all gone now, but since you have an Internet connection, you can still find like minded people. Sign up with adultfriendfinder.com. I see 140 listings in Okinawa. Some of 'em are bound to be kinky. ALT.com also. You'll probably find service people or American civilians. If you intend to engage in sex that violates the UCMJ (such as sodomy, unlawful detention, conduct unbecoming, and of course the General artical: "...bring discredit upon the Armed Forces...") be very discreet about it!!! And remember, Military Intelligence has a reputation of 'sting' operations in Okinawa. Talk to an 'old timer' about that. Compes I miss Okinawa, but I really enjoy having a BDSM community here. edited to add... Oh, and remember, Sodomy in the UCMJ is defined as "unnatural carnal copulation" - which includes acts between men and women too - and can be pushed to cover the act of cocksucking if you are already being courts martialed.

compes -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/28/2004 11:57:51 PM)
Hmmmm.... I knew that adultery was a problem in the military - but it's pretty hard to be charged with it. Still, if you and your wife take a submissive, or if you 'play' with other people, your commander can still officially reprimand you, even if he can't get you for adultery. Be careful out there! Compes

ScorpioMaster -> RE: Suggestions on uncloseting the closeted types enough to form a group? (8/29/2004 8:25:44 PM)
The best advices it seek out local munch groups in the area you are station in now. That is about the safest way for others with like minds can meet in public. It is in local restaurant and you wear street clothes and no one would know the difference. Munches concept bee around way before the internet and it is set up to be a safe place for newbie’s to attend with out fear. Good luck.

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