What dominates whom.

What dominates whom. (Full Version)

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fredllfixit -> What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 2:36:56 PM)
Posing a question again (I'm not expressing an opinion here). "Do you think its a truism that people are far more dominated by their own fetish than they ever could be by a person, conversly, than they ever could dominate another person?" Daddy Fred.

mbes -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 2:40:01 PM)
"People"? I have no idea. This person? Nope.

Sunnyfey -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 2:42:07 PM)
No. My main fetish is suspension bondage. Guess what? Master has no clue about how to do a suspension. I'm only dominated by what I LET dominate me

lizi -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 3:08:16 PM)
Yes, it happens quite often that someone is dominated by their own fetish....the case of the do-me sub comes to mind where the Dom/me is just a bit player acting out a part in the subs' script. That type of person is certainly driven by their own wants and fails to see the other as a living, breathing human being. Is it a truism to say that people in general are driven by their fetish? No, I'd have to say that's not my impression and isn't personally how things are for me. I'd take a vanilla relationship if it made me happy.

aldompdx -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 3:35:20 PM)
Absolutely. The most prolific "fetish" is the belief (ego association) that love is given to or received from an external thing. Among other things, this fetish drives American consumerism, and underlies many of paraphilias comprising BDSM. Fulfillment is love. It arises in the only place it is ever felt, one's very own heart. It is neither given nor taken, but shared. It can be inspired, but cannot be exchanged in a bargain of giving to get.

Prinsexx -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 3:35:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fredllfixit Posing a question again (I'm not expressing an opinion here). "Do you think its a truism that people are far more dominated by their own fetish than they ever could be by a person, conversly, than they ever could dominate another person?" Daddy Fred. I'm dominated by what I'm told I'm dominated by, by whom I'm dominated by.

Prinsexx -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 3:40:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aldompdx Absolutely. The most prolific "fetish" is the belief (ego association) that love is given to or received from an external thing. Among other things, this fetish drives American consumerism, and underlies many of paraphilias comprising BDSM. Fulfillment is love. It arises in the only place it is ever felt, one's very own heart. It is neither given nor taken, but shared. It can be inspired, but cannot be exchanged in a bargain of giving to get. Perhaps...for most people with a singular ego. But then I am one of a multiple.. a twin...and spent my childhood emotionally conjoined and with shared ego function. The psychology of this is not yet written but I'm embarking on writing about it academically. Thus for me ego always will have, as it aways did have, an external (othert) as well as an internal (self) association. Somewhat beyond the remit of the original opening question granted.

IronBear -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 6:47:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aldompdx Absolutely. The most prolific "fetish" is the belief (ego association) that love is given to or received from an external thing. Among other things, this fetish drives American consumerism, and underlies many of paraphilias comprising BDSM. Fulfillment is love. It arises in the only place it is ever felt, one's very own heart. It is neither given nor taken, but shared. It can be inspired, but cannot be exchanged in a bargain of giving to get. For once, and I am quite pleasantly surprised, I am in complete agreement.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 6:49:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey No. My main fetish is suspension bondage. Guess what? Master has no clue about how to do a suspension. ... Lemme know when you guys have a free weekend this next Summer. :)

Sunnyfey -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 6:52:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey No. My main fetish is suspension bondage. Guess what? Master has no clue about how to do a suspension. ... Lemme know when you guys have a free weekend this next Summer. :) Thats hot...dont get me started. But yes I'll inform him [:D]

DesFIP -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 8:34:17 PM)
If you are talking a true fetish, something you must have in order to become sexually aroused, then yes. It's like an addiction because you can't manage without it. But if you mean it the way people here usually do, then no. Because I like bondage but I like loving sex just as much. I don't require ropes to become aroused.

hardbodysub -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 9:58:58 PM)
Basic answer: it depends. Some people are more fetishists, some are more attuned to the interpersonal aspect of D/s. I agree with DesFIP for the most part. A fetish, strictly defined, is a fixation so strong that it is necessary for sexual gratification. I think few people get to that level with another person, but some probably do. For some, I imagine that the D/s relationship itself becomes a fetish.

shadowowl -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/19/2009 10:16:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub For some, I imagine that the D/s relationship itself becomes a fetish. Indeed. ^_^

Andalusite -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/20/2009 2:46:39 PM)
I figure most any toy or technique in BDSM can be used in a way I'll love or hate, depending on how it's done, how warmed up I am, etc. This includes psychological things like humiliation. If I don't feel submissive toward the specific person, as I do with my Master and did with my previous Dominant, I don't get "dominated" at all, though. I enjoy getting thwacked and tied up, or vice versa, in an egalitarian kinky or casual playpartnership, but there isn't any domination involved in the slightest.

looking4princess -> RE: What dominates whom. (9/20/2009 4:13:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If you are talking a true fetish, something you must have in order to become sexually aroused, then yes. It's like an addiction because you can't manage without it. But if you mean it the way people here usually do, then no. Because I like bondage but I like loving sex just as much. I don't require ropes to become aroused. I have to agree with Celeste that it all depends upon your definition of FETISH. If the fetish is required for arousal then it is addiction and the person is likely dominated by it per definition. The trick here is we really don't know how many people are content with loving sex or even able to perform loving sex without the fetish fantasy. Survey sez????

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