Attitude adjustment

Attitude adjustment (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

mysterydancer -> Attitude adjustment (2/28/2006 6:13:17 PM)
i was hoping that i could get some help with some problems i've been having. i am in a 24/7 D/s relationship and i am trying to become the best slave that i can be. my problem is that i need some help with my attitude. my outside life requires me to be very strong, independent, and to "have attitude". when i come home i need to turn this off and get into my submissive self and sometimes have a hard time making this transition. i want to become better at this so that i can serve in the best possible way that i can and make my Master as happy and pleased with me as i can. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

KatyLied -> RE: Attitude adjustment (2/28/2006 6:17:18 PM)
It sounds like you need some "transition" space. Perhaps a quiet time to reflect, a change of clothes, and other types of things that can help you prepare for service. Some rituals you can place in your life and perform on a regular basis, to prepare yourself mentally.

slavejali -> RE: Attitude adjustment (2/28/2006 6:22:58 PM)
I liked Katy's ideas and agree, ask your Master for some kind of ritual you could perform when getting home from work to help you transition. I know sometimes, I get stressed out from work or my mind is whirling with everything I have to do regarding work...for me...sometimes i just need a reminder like "be present slave" just something to center my mind.

mysterydancer -> RE: Attitude adjustment (2/28/2006 6:37:21 PM)
That's exactly what it is. i'm so stressed out and sometimes angry from work that it carries over when i come home. i need a few minutes to unwind and make that transition but i feel that i'm not being a good slave if i need time to do this.

slavejali -> RE: Attitude adjustment (2/28/2006 6:41:03 PM)
Well besides being a slave your a human bean grin dont be so hard on yourself.

brightspot -> RE: Attitude adjustment (2/28/2006 9:04:18 PM)
quote: i feel that i'm not being a good slave if i need time to do this. I am almost sure your Dom would rather have a "time" period in which you can relax, maybe take a shower, meditate for like 45 minutes and come to him refreshed and connected to your submissiveness, than have to deal with a sub who is stressed and crabby from her day at work. Communicate with him, I see it as something reasonable and positive for the relationship. *Brightspot

mnottertail -> RE: Attitude adjustment (2/28/2006 9:22:59 PM)
I gotta agree with Brightspot, but as anyone can tell you here don't listen to me......... I assume you drive yourself to work and home mayhaps you take a bus any number of things...... Perhaps a picture of you 'sitting pretty' that you can look at............. Like yoga .......... that life is done this is the life I want....... Transistions you are struggling with are of the mind (temporal) and not physical.......... Yell and bitch and scream in the car home (if it be you) As in any life changing situation...... Stop, Think, Consider............ Reaction is sublime, not a way of life..... Work inheirently is reaction....... Your life at home does not need fixing, it is right 'as is' .........put a blade between life and the other........... a clear sharp delineation....... This is not esoteric, it only takes awareness that this should happen, not a goddamn treatise or an exercise program or a diet......... You do not talk the same way to your preacher that you talk to your staff.......yet you sort this out without concious effort.....somehow you see a role...... I am always aghast at those that say this is not a role, it is life or the way I am.......... Tinkerers.... You chose it, don't whine, don't be deferred , don't be swayed..... Cut and paste........ Really............. Ron

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 6:27:30 AM)
Stop getting caught in the cycle of focusing on yourself and your faults and work on making them better. If you could flip and switch and poof things into goodness, youwould. But that's not reality. So instead of feeling bad about yourself and wasting even more energy on how you aren't perfect- do what needs to be done to make it better.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 6:42:11 AM)
quote: my outside life requires me to be very strong, independent, and to "have attitude". when i come home i need to turn this off and get into my submissive self and sometimes have a hard time making this transition. dancer, When I give my opinion that it is very difficult if not impossible, to live with a Master as a slave 24/7 and have a job or responsibilities outside the home; the problem you are having is the reason I have in mind. I call it having two Masters, your relationship Master and your job Master. Serving one Master and focusing on the relationship is difficult. Doing so while taking on the responsibilities of a job is a quick way to overload. Consider that by definition every day you are in conflict. Your mind has to function assertively and submissively and you're forced to try to create a mental "switch" that enables you to think in the appropriate manner in the appropriate situation. Well, I think you are expected too much of yourself. Depending on the depth of your submission and the assertiveness called for in your workplace, the transition can be like decompressing from a deep ocean dive. The consequences of just moving from one to the other is what you may be experiencing. A mental dominant/submissive deep sea "bends". Usually I get pretty beat up for this opinion. People say it's not possible in this era to not have two people work. Others say they need the "balance" of a job or career. I've been accused of stifling beth's mental and social development. I also have created a hole in beth's work history that can make it difficult if something should happen to me and she needed to find employment. Well, pick one or create another, and I won't argue. I won't change my opinion and I'm in no way suggesting all 24/7 M/s relationships should be structured this way, or are only successful if structured this way. I only provide this answer and this perspective because it may be the cause of your dilemma and wanted you to consider it. Life is full of trade-offs. Maybe you couldn't live in the manner you are accustomed. Maybe you could only take a drive to vacation instead of a fly to. Maybe you couldn't go to dinner as often as you do now. Maybe it will take an extra 5 years in order to retire. Or maybe in the worse case, you just can't live as a 24/7 slave and you need to carve out weekend/vacation time for the M/s dynamic. VERY tough decision no matter which you pick. Personally I wouldn't trade any of those things. Part of it is selfish, I don't want beth to serve two Masters. But a big part of it was not wanting beth to experience what you are. Good luck, talk to your Master and make him conscience of where your head is at when you walk through the door.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 6:55:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth Usually I get pretty beat up for this opinion. People say it's not possible in this era to not have two people work. Others say they need the "balance" of a job or career. I've been accused of stifling beth's mental and social development. I also have created a hole in beth's work history that can make it difficult if something should happen to me and she needed to find employment. Well, pick one or create another, and I won't argue. I won't change my opinion and I'm in no way suggesting all 24/7 M/s relationships should be structured this way, or are only successful if structured this way. I only provide this answer and this perspective because it may be the cause of your dilemma and wanted you to consider it. While I don't consider having a job outside the home (or inside the home as a caretaker) as having another "master," I certainly know that it's possible to still have a person not making actual income and live a standard life or better, nor do I think it's necessarily stifling someone socially or professionally. I could be quite happy as the stay-at-home partner in my poly family, and still have an enriching and full life with lots of family and friends and projects.

cloudboy -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 7:16:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mysterydancer i was hoping that i could get some help with some problems i've been having. i am in a 24/7 D/s relationship and i am trying to become the best slave that i can be. my problem is that i need some help with my attitude. my outside life requires me to be very strong, independent, and to "have attitude". when i come home i need to turn this off and get into my submissive self and sometimes have a hard time making this transition. i want to become better at this so that i can serve in the best possible way that i can and make my Master as happy and pleased with me as i can. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Your DOM should have some intuitive sense to cater to your own needs as a person and submissive in trying to juggle work and your relationship. Its important that he be realistic and understanding of what you can do as a submissive, and its his job to help bring this out. If he just expects you to be submissive, you are going to have problems now and into the future. Frankly, its good that you have your own outside life, and its good you have to find a balance, --- this all shows you have stuff going on and things to do and accomplish. I might also suggest you look at the postings of ProtagonistLily. She's a sub with high octane career responsibilites as well. Its her position that "normal relations" between dom-sub are the realitiy between couples much of the time and that the BDSM aspects are not a "totality" but are rather an underlying enricher in a BDSM relationship.

sweetpettjenny -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 2:31:26 PM)
I have the same problem and would agree with merc that it is like having two Masters, and personally ill go a step further and say by me working in the environment i do, being hostile at times, i turn Dominant in the work place to survive, so it sometimes adversly affects the D/s dynamic. Just my opinion. quote: ORIGINAL: mysterydancer i was hoping that i could get some help with some problems i've been having. i am in a 24/7 D/s relationship and i am trying to become the best slave that i can be. my problem is that i need some help with my attitude. my outside life requires me to be very strong, independent, and to "have attitude". when i come home i need to turn this off and get into my submissive self and sometimes have a hard time making this transition. i want to become better at this so that i can serve in the best possible way that i can and make my Master as happy and pleased with me as i can. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

MyCaptainsPet -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 3:35:10 PM)
Mayhap all you need to do is find something that brings out your submissiveness. Is there anything you can do that seems to make it easier to make the adjustment? Is there a certain song, or artist? A certain road home that has a peaceful view? What about a book on tape or cd to listen to on your way home? Maybe get a cup of tea or an ice cream on the days you feel really stressed..... It also could be something as simple as putting a bag outside the door... where you can put the persona you are at work into before you enter the house... something that can be used as a reminder of where you are and that the day has ended... Personally, i have 2 things that i can do that bring the little sub out... One, is i put on my heavy choker collar. i DO have a "collar" that i wear day in and out.. but it's not the heavy chrome, cold chain... There have been times, when my day is going horribly, that all i have to do is slip it on under my cloths and i seem to calm.... the cold metal against my skin, the weight of it, the memory of when he put it on me for the first time... What helps is i have to contact him and ask for permission to put this collar on... Just that act alone sometimes flips a mental switch for me.... The second thing is i kneel at his feet, put my head on his thigh, and just breath deeply... he always puts his hands in my hair when i do this... Sometimes, i can go to this mentally and it will bring me to where i want to be... i think you just need to find a way to get that space you need mentally to let go of the BS from your day.

mysterydancer -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 7:06:02 PM)
i would just like to make it understood that my Dom is very understanding and does realize the reality of my situation. i have discussed this situation with Her is She is totally understanding and wants to do or allow me to do what is needed to ensure the transition. She has set goals for me and works with me to accomplish them and W/we do this without judgement. Thanks for the advice of looking at the postings of ProtagonistLily.

mysterydancer -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 7:09:38 PM)
your comments were very helpful and sound like wonderful ways to calm myself and help take me back to the person that i am.

KatyLied -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 7:26:56 PM)
quote: She has set goals for me and works with me to accomplish them and W/we do this without judgement. It sounds like you are getting the type of support that you need. Good luck with this. As far as calming yourself - this is something I've been working on intently. Things that have worked for me: blogging and meditating (starting out with basics and building on). Perhaps you have tried these, if not, something to consider. You will feel so much better about everything if you are able to calm yourself down.

KnightofMists -> RE: Attitude adjustment (3/1/2006 7:48:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross While I don't consider having a job outside the home (or inside the home as a caretaker) as having another "master," I certainly know that it's possible to still have a person not making actual income and live a standard life or better, nor do I think it's necessarily stifling someone socially or professionally. I could be quite happy as the stay-at-home partner in my poly family, and still have an enriching and full life with lots of family and friends and projects. some can multi-task.... some can't!

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125