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looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 3:51:48 PM   
SerenityLuv


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline 		Hello. i am new to the lifestyle. i was introduced this weekend by a guy i am dating. and am enjoying being a sub. i was always curious but never found someone who was interested especialy someone i could trust. my question is now being new to this how can i best to my abiltiy please my Dom? i will listen and obey him but what else am i able to do. i have already earned myself 15 mins of punishment which i will gladly take from him. i have looked at differnt sites but i still havent found the awnsers that im looking for. like should i always thank him and ask permission or does this vary with each D/s relationship. Basic training is what i need and my Dom will provided me but im hoping to find some tips that i can bring to our time together.how can i make sure i am not disrespecting him. any awnsers will be greatly appreciated thank you.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 4:02:04 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Your Dom will instruct you in how to serve him.  As you have already guessed this varies with each individual relationship.  It won't do you one bit of good for me to tell you what I do to please Gary.  I'm not you, and your Dom is not Gary. 

My best advice for you would be to have fun.  Try to relax.  Don't be all uptight about each and every little thing.  You're just learning.  You'll make some mistakes but that's okay.  It all gets easier as you gain more trust in your Dominant. 

(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 4:12:49 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

 ...my question is now being new to this how can i best to my abiltiy please my Dom?...


ask him...and behave accordingly.

quote:

...does this vary with each D/s relationship...


absolutely.

quote:

...how can i make sure i am not disrespecting him...


ask him what he considers disrespectful and then don't do whatever it is.

(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 4:14:09 PM   
OrionAndi


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		Your Dom needs to sit down and discuss exactly what his wants are and what he expects of you. Only he will be abl;e to tell you how you can please him.

And as above, Enjoy it and have fun with it.


(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 4:22:12 PM   
SerenityLuv


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline 		thanks for the replys. i will have a disscusion with him. and i'm defintly enjoying it

(in reply to OrionAndi)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 4:33:45 PM   
OrionAndi


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SerenityLuv

thanks for the replys. i will have a disscusion with him. and i'm defintly enjoying it
Also, Its a learning process! He will teach you everything you need to carry on with in your training. So if you disrespect him in anyway he will surely pick you up on it straight away and from that you will learn... Dont expect to pick it all up in one go and try to be perfect.. where is the fun in that? hehe

(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 4:58:03 PM   
SerenityLuv


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline 		i know another thing in learning is to give yourself completly to him. did you struggle with that aspect.? i had a past relationship that i had given myself completly to and after 2 years of the relationship i was left with rebuilding myself and i havent given myself in any emotional way in about 7 years since. is this something i should bring up to my Dom? he knows a little about him as he is the father to my child and my Dom already hates him as he walked away from his child. should i talk about the emotional and trust issues that arose from that relationship

(in reply to OrionAndi)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 5:19:32 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Of course you're going to struggle.  It's always a struggle to learn to turn yourself over in a new relationship, especially if you're new to the lifestyle.

My thought is that you need to give your feelings to him as part of your submission.  Letting him know what your triggers and buttons are is kinda like giving him an owner's manual to you!




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 7:10:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You met him this past weekend and already he's punishing you for not doing what he didn't teach you to do.
Oy vey!

Do you know him well enough to submit to? Would you lend him your car? Give him your credit cards? Is he competent enough with money that you would let him take over your investments? Does he have a stellar career history and is capable of telling you how to conduct yours?

Because that's where domination really comes in, not "you didn't suck my dick hard enough so you're going to get spanked".

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 7:28:24 PM   
worthlesstrash


Posts: 114
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		It varies from dom to dom, just as most things differ from person to person.

This is a great place to get advice from those that have done it a lot longer, but they will also tell you what I have. While you can get ideas from here and other sites, the easiest thing to do is sit down with him and discuss what he wants and doesn't want. Some of it he will think is just great, but other things he probably won't have an interest in at all.

My M and I have just gotten better about this ourselves, and what pleases one, may piss another off..so it's best to check.


_____________________________

~anne

This girl is a slave, but she is also a woman full of love, life, and who has a ton of interests.
Don't judge a book by it's name, judge it by it's content..

His since 10/06/2006
SLRN 166-164-858

(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 7:34:50 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Everyone so far has given great advice...though I am curious as to why he is punishing you already. Did you guys talk about what would earn you a punishment before hand?

My Master set up rules and gave them to me so I could read (and remember them) far before any punishment. Perhaps asking for a guideline of rules before learning more would be good.

Only your Dom knows what pleases him. As far as respect...usually using an appropriate title and not doing anything that you would find disrespectful if done to you or someone else.

Basic manners will do until he teaches you more of what he wants.

(in reply to worthlesstrash)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 8:20:27 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		there's reading and there's the practical application. the actual doing part that takes into account what you've learned and allows you to put that to work. the information you're gleaning from various sites including this one is rooted in our experiences and the truths we've come to embrace. you will have to filter these and determine what is applicable for your situation.

i liken it to making bread. you can watch food network until you're blue in the face and tell yourself you know how to make bread. but until you've had the dough in your hands, learned its nuances, when to push, when the restrain, and everything in between, your knowledge is merely theoretical.

he will provide the practical things you need which will be tailored to his tastes. don't grab on to too many concepts you may have to discard if he finds them useless. pay attention to the things he does and learn his habits. listen attentively and make notes of what you discover. it is a wonderful process and one you won't master overnight. good luck.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/21/2009 9:24:27 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SerenityLuv

Hello. i am new to the lifestyle. i was introduced this weekend by a guy i am dating. and am enjoying being a sub. i was always curious but never found someone who was interested especialy someone i could trust. my question is now being new to this how can i best to my abiltiy please my Dom? i will listen and obey him but what else am i able to do. i have already earned myself 15 mins of punishment which i will gladly take from him. i have looked at differnt sites but i still havent found the awnsers that im looking for. like should i always thank him and ask permission or does this vary with each D/s relationship. Basic training is what i need and my Dom will provided me but im hoping to find some tips that i can bring to our time together.how can i make sure i am not disrespecting him. any awnsers will be greatly appreciated thank you.


How does one earn a punishment so quickly, even before training? You trust someone that deeply in just a weekend? I need to talk to him find out his secret? Listen and obey is good, doing things like back and foot rubs, anticipating his needs, don't try to monopolize his attentions when he is doing something or is with someone, dress seductively, lay naked across his lap, sex usually works, keep his belly full, try to anticipate his needs, stroke his ego,

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/22/2009 2:40:06 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SerenityLuv

Hello. i am new to the lifestyle. i was introduced this weekend by a guy i am dating. and am enjoying being a sub. i was always curious but never found someone who was interested especialy someone i could trust. my question is now being new to this how can i best to my abiltiy please my Dom? i will listen and obey him but what else am i able to do. i have already earned myself 15 mins of punishment which i will gladly take from him. i have looked at differnt sites but i still havent found the awnsers that im looking for. like should i always thank him and ask permission or does this vary with each D/s relationship. Basic training is what i need and my Dom will provided me but im hoping to find some tips that i can bring to our time together.how can i make sure i am not disrespecting him. any awnsers will be greatly appreciated thank you.


You can make sure you're not disrespecting him by treating him as you would anyone you like and respect. There's no magic to that..Beyond that, it's up to you and him to find out what is *disrespectful*.

There isn't any *basic training*, really, there isn't. There isn't any *proper way*, there aren't any general rules. Despite what gets written, and all you'll read about *being sub*......you are just a woman, with a man, learning about each other.

If you're dating someone and new to D/s , the best advice is simply to get to know each other in exactly the same way you would in any other situation............ believe me, the answers to your questions will become a whole lot clearer.

Try not to cloud the *getting to know you* process with the smoke and mirrors of *D/s*.

agirl

















(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/22/2009 8:26:44 AM   
SerenityLuv


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice. i should clarify that my Dom is also my boyfriend hence why i trust him. my punishment has not been delt out yet and its not a sever punishment. he wanted me to do some research on BDSM and other stuff to get an idea of what i am entering into before we have a disscusion as i would have an ideal and an understanding of what we are to talk about. i did talk to him last night and he had asked me what i have learned so far and he said that we will talk about everything. Im finding everyones advice very helpful on here so thank you very much.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/22/2009 8:35:33 AM   
OrionAndi


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SerenityLuv

Thanks for the advice. i should clarify that my Dom is also my boyfriend hence why i trust him. my punishment has not been delt out yet and its not a sever punishment. he wanted me to do some research on BDSM and other stuff to get an idea of what i am entering into before we have a disscusion as i would have an ideal and an understanding of what we are to talk about. i did talk to him last night and he had asked me what i have learned so far and he said that we will talk about everything. Im finding everyones advice very helpful on here so thank you very much.


Ive just found a pretty good site that may help you, I can Cmail it to you if you like? I found it quite interesting.

Though my Dom didnt want me to look at the net about it as he thought i may read things too extreme and thought i would run a mile. lol I peeked anyway..



(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/22/2009 8:53:56 AM   
SerenityLuv


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline 		i would greatly appreciated if you would cmail it to me. i think my Dom is waitng to see im going t o get scared away as well lol. hes the greatest. i dont think he relizes yet that he has me hooked already (well tied up actually )

(in reply to OrionAndi)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/22/2009 9:24:26 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Like everyone else said talk to him. My Master likes his coffee black yours might not like it that way or not like coffee at all. I know my Master also likes coca-cola so i always make sure to have some on and. Listening and obeying is always good. I know some don't agree with them, but do you have a safe word? It sends up a red flag to me that you are being punished already when you were only introducted to this over the weekend. My best advice to you is communicate. Best wishes.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to SerenityLuv)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/22/2009 11:17:24 AM   
maat


Posts: 62
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Eaven if every Ds relationship is different there are also similaritys that some have already mention.

Trust, honesty, openness and respect.

Submitting to someone isent just saying "yes sir" to every thing that he whants. Its in my opinion also very much about geting to know yourself and your limits, bounderys and having the currage to stand by them. The times i have faild my Master and also myself is when i didnt listen to my own instincts. When i thought forgeting my own nees was the best way to please my Master.

A Dom isent a mind reader so (as already stated) comunication is key. If you dont know something never be afraid to ask. Whanting to know more shuld only help your growth and your relationship with your Dom. Ask him how he likes things and pay attention to the small things like how he takes his coffee or make shure you have his favorit softdrink at home. Ask what he expects of you when he is there, when he is away. Does he whant and expect you to act a sertan way in public or privat. As time goes you will find out more but you also need to have some idea from the start.  

I found reading alot online realy helped me figur out myself and what i whanted. it made things clear in my own head like questions i had about things like punishment and correction. My Master have corrected me when i was wrong and needed corecting but has never lifted his hand in anger to me. The first time that happends, im out. Beeing submissive isent an exuse for beeing abused. Many think that punishment/ correction is a big part of Ds life but to me it shows that there has been a failiour someplace that made the correction nessesery. Might be a lack of comunication or eaven lack of conection betwen the two. You cant break a rule you didnt know about right??.  And if you still chose to break a rule you know about then why is that? Dont get me wrong. Sometimes i realy do need to be corrected just in order to be able to move past what happend and forgive myself.

Listen to what your Dom tells you and try your best to folow. If you strugle, let him know. Be honest and open about things that might interfere in your relationship like issues of trust. Problems in past relationships that might interefere with this one.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: looking for helpful tips in pleasing my dom - 9/22/2009 8:25:44 PM   
SerenityLuv


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline 		we are getting together tomorrow to talk and go over things. i will let you guys know how it goes.

(in reply to maat)
Profile   Post #: 20
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