a submissive/slave's possessiveness

a submissive/slave's possessiveness (Full Version)

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sweetsubbyheart -> a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 3:52:01 PM)
can a submissive or a slave truely not have any possessiveness over anything in any way shape or form? I ask this due to knowing that myself, claims "my Master" which in itself is claiming a possessiveness over Him. also, if a slave is allowed certain items to sleep on (blankets, furs, a little mat), regarless of knowing that they can be taken away is she/he is bad, they would come to claim those things as "their bed", which is also a possessive saying.

SassyBird -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 3:55:20 PM)
"My" is just another adjective. Everyone feels differently. If you feel you should not possess, then try not to. If your Dominant feels you should not possess, then don't or find another Dominant if it does not suit you.

pixidustpet -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 3:55:42 PM)
pfft. its human nature to have some sort of possesiveness. how far do you take it? i mean, "my master" can be read ass "the master who belongs to me" or "the master who calls me his own". i have my preferred side of the bed. i have my clothing and my toothbrush and my glasses, and the various things he has given me as "mine". if i had them before we met, does it mean i have to get rid of things? or does it simply mean that they're mine if i leave? not that i would, of course. kitten, very thoughtfully

OrionAndi -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 4:06:30 PM)
That would be giving up far to much in my opinion. This means nothing would be yours.. nothing. So if that relationship ends does that mean you are literally out with no clothing on your back? because you do not posses anything. That would be completely unrealistic to me.[&:] Andi x

Mercnbeth -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 4:08:11 PM)
it's do-able. but most folks think it's pretty nutty.[:)]

peppermint -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 4:18:03 PM)
The answer to your question depends on the dynamics of the relationship you have with the Dominant. You two entered into a relationship with certain expectations. Your expectations are most certainly not the same as my own. I have my own checking accounts. The money contained in those accounts is mine. I have my own clothing. If I were to leave this relationship, my clothing would go with me. I have other 'things' that are mine. If I left these other 'things' would also go with me. Gary doesn't believe in micromanagement and in fact does not want to be involved in that sort of relationship. Your Dom may be quite to opposite. If you feel the need to not be possessive over anything, then that is something you need to discuss with your Dominant. Perhaps you both can devise a way to free you from the need to possess anything if that is your desire.

RavenMuse -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 4:25:08 PM)
My girl uses "my Master" I don't have a problem with that in terms of her identifying with Me... much like if I Own a Dog it will consider Me its Owner, the person who feeds it, the person it damn well better return to when I call its name..... that doesn't necessarily extend into any form of passive ownership of Me. My girl Owns nothing, she is Mine and so is everything she uses. sure there are things which if We parted company tomorrow would go with her. I may have good legs but I'm not about to don her stockings, not My bag baby. At that point they would be hers in all sense of the word, but till then they are Mine. Regardless of the language she uses it is the understanding that is important. In the middle of the night I may tell her to get the hell back on "her side of the bed", however she is fully aware that she sleeps there because I allow her to sleep there and I could just as easily have her sleep on the floor at the foot of it, or indeed in a completely different room.

OrionAndi -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 4:40:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse My girl uses "my Master" I don't have a problem with that in terms of her identifying with Me... much like if I Own a Dog it will consider Me its Owner, the person who feeds it, the person it damn well better return to when I call its name..... that doesn't necessarily extend into any form of passive ownership of Me. My girl Owns nothing, she is Mine and so is everything she uses. sure there are things which if We parted company tomorrow would go with her. I may have good legs but I'm not about to don her stockings, not My bag baby. At that point they would be hers in all sense of the word, but till then they are Mine. Regardless of the language she uses it is the understanding that is important. In the middle of the night I may tell her to get the hell back on "her side of the bed", however she is fully aware that she sleeps there because I allow her to sleep there and I could just as easily have her sleep on the floor at the foot of it, or indeed in a completely different room. That makes good sense![:D]

kyraofMists -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 4:51:06 PM)
The word "my" does not always denote possession. I can say "My brother..." and I am not showing that I possess him but I am showing my relation to him. Standing at a bus stop and someone says "there's my bus", do you think they are saying I own that bus or is that just the bus they need to take to get where they want to go? It is all a matter of context. When I call him 'my Lord' it just shows that he his Lord and Master over me and not that I own him. As far as being possessive, it is highly discouraged in this house for a slave to feel possessive over anything. If we start behaving in a manner that shows possession over his time or a privilege that he allows he will take steps to correct that misconception. The idea of ownership is not a mindset that is encouraged or allowed in this house and to hold on to that mindset while being a slave to him will only invite pain and disappointment. Personally, I find it very freeing to release attachements and expectations in regards to the relationship that I have. We love each other for who we are and not what we get from each other. Life is a lot simpler and more peaceful being loved for who I am than what I can do. Knight's Kyra

porcelaine -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 5:06:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists As far as being possessive, it is highly discouraged in this house for a slave to feel possessive over anything. If we start behaving in a manner that shows possession over his time or a privilege that he allows he will take steps to correct that misconception. The idea of ownership is not a mindset that is encouraged or allowed in this house and to hold on to that mindset while being a slave to him will only invite pain and disappointment. Personally, I find it very freeing to release attachements and expectations in regards to the relationship that I have. We love each other for who we are and not what we get from each other. Life is a lot simpler and more peaceful being loved for who I am than what I can do. Knight's Kyra kyra, you summed up my thoughts quite nicely. i concur and have the same ideologies regarding attachments and expectations. porcelaine

sweetsubbyheart -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 5:47:52 PM)
I just love how when anyone places a post, everyone else seems to think that it is a personalized question. This is only hypethetical people. More like a psycholigical possibility that while the general Ds 'protocol' states that a submissive or a slave cannot possess anything that is not given to them by their owner, we do automatically by human nature, so therefore it questions the whole statement. why do people have to over analyze things when someone asks a yes or no question... sigh

WyldHrt -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 5:50:43 PM)
quote: can a submissive or a slave truely not have any possessiveness over anything in any way shape or form? No (is that better?) [:D]

NihilusZero -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 5:51:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth it's do-able. but most folks think it's pretty nutty.[:)] You rock. To the point, I wouldn't see a sub/slave of mine using a possessive pronoun in speech as an affront to my actual possession of an item. I don't think this would be much of an issue with slaves you'll speak to. Varying submissives will likely have a wider concept of things they feel they wish to hold the reins with.

NihilusZero -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 5:54:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsubbyheart I just love how when anyone places a post, everyone else seems to think that it is a personalized question. This is only hypethetical people. More like a psycholigical possibility that while the general Ds 'protocol' states that a submissive or a slave cannot possess anything that is not given to them by their owner, we do automatically by human nature, so therefore it questions the whole statement. why do people have to over analyze things when someone asks a yes or no question... sigh You ask a specifically non generalized question, use a possessive and personal example of your own to elucidate what you mean...and then not only do you expect others not to respond from a personal experience standpoint (from magically diving your covert meaning) but act exasperated when they do??

kyraofMists -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 5:55:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsubbyheart why do people have to over analyze things when someone asks a yes or no question... sigh If people only answered yes or no it would be a really boring thread to read and quite frankly what you asked isn't a black and white yes or no. Knight's Kyra

NihilusZero -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 5:58:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsubbyheart why do people have to over analyze things when someone asks a yes or no question... sigh Oh. This is a 'Just Yes or No' game? Okay. I'll start. You answer. Have you stopped cheating on your Master yet?

peppermint -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 6:01:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsubbyheart I just love how when anyone places a post, everyone else seems to think that it is a personalized question. This is only hypethetical people. More like a psycholigical possibility that while the general Ds 'protocol' states that a submissive or a slave cannot possess anything that is not given to them by their owner, we do automatically by human nature, so therefore it questions the whole statement. why do people have to over analyze things when someone asks a yes or no question... sigh Excuse me. If you wanted only yes and no answers you should have made a poll with those two answers as the only choices. By the way, I have no idea about what general Ds protocol you are talking about. Could you explain where you found that?

aldompdx -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 6:12:09 PM)
Hypothetically, one who gives up everything has also taken their last breath, and dies. It is simply impossible to be alive and abstain from exercising even the slightest bit of self will. Mere physical motor functions are a will of self, and not the will of another. Thus, the question is one of necrophilia. Few people here would own up to having that degree of objectification fetish. Surrender is an ongoing choice, freely made from conscious self will. The degree to which one chooses to surrender is their own choice, for which they are personally responsible. Hypothetically, it is non of your business what another person freely chooses. Thus, your question is moot.

DesFIP -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 6:59:34 PM)
Why does it matter? Do you own a business and he's pressuring you to sign it over to him for nothing? Does he want to spend your kids' college funds? What do you want? And what does he want? And are you compatible? I made it clear before he moved up here that he could move around the furniture, add or get rid of various things but I claimed all the good down pillows. He teases me about it but they're the best pillows I have ever had and I sleep better on them. Did you bring anything into this relationship? Then that's yours simply because it is wrong to take someone's history away from them. Whether it's a Georgian sterling tea set (I wish) or a beat up cookbook with your mother's commentary in it. Besides, what happens when you don't live together any more whether you break up or he dies at age 87? Are you going to be without everything wandering the streets in only a shift? I read Patient Griselda years ago, I thought it was a piss poor way of conducting a relationship then and it's a worse one now.

worthlesstrash -> RE: a submissive/slave's possessiveness (9/21/2009 7:38:08 PM)
In our home almost all of the furniture and furnishings and such are mine, they came with me and if I ever go, they will follow. We are married though, so I don't plan on ever having to worry about it.

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