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PenelopePitstop -> RE: Kinky equals Trustworthy? (3/1/2006 4:21:14 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
There seems to be people in our community that place us kinksters on a pedastal in the moral/ethical fields. I continually read/hear people talking about how they place more trust in their BDSM lifestyle friends and family than their vanilla friends and family. I have read posts and heard people talk about how we have a deeper level of trust in our relationships, a stronger bond, more commitment to making it work, etc.
We are such a diverse community so varied in socio-economic status, creed, race, sexual identity, religion or lack thereof. We have little organization on the local level and none on the global. My belief is we are simply tied together by the fact that we are considered sexually deviant. And even the terms that we use to identify ourselves vary greatly from person to person.
I don't understand anyone making such generalized assumptions. I do understand that some people have the need to place a higher value system on those that they feel kinship with. My own example of having experienced this way of thinking follows.
The morning after a play party I was unpacking my toybag. I didn't have my favorite flogger. I either left it behind or it got packed up in someone else's bag by mistake, no big deal. I called the party host, she checked her dungeon and the rest of the house, no flogger. I sent an email to each and every person that had attended the party requesting that they please check their toybags as my flogger must have been inadvertently picked up.
I received emails back saying that they either checked their toybags and found nothing additional, or that they too were missing a toy. For a week emails going out and coming in asking about the missing toys and no forward progress. Someone finally came to the conclusion that the toys had been stolen and voiced it via email.
The next set of emails discussed allowing the theif to mail the toys back with no return address, a drop spot, etc...
These emails were followed by a torrent of emails expressing betrayal, forgiveness, the willingness to sacrifice a toy for a friendship, and on and on it went. Until one email stated that the sender felt particularly betrayed because this "happened in our community" and that he "trusted us more than vanillas".
The sender went on to discuss how our community is based on trust. While I understand that many trust the community to keep a level of anonymity, I fail to agree with the stance that puts us on a higher level of morality and values than others.
Your thoughts?
Ah trust: that old chestnut. I don't think trustworthiness is a 'simple' an all-in-one characteristic, it all depends what facet of a person we are talking about, for example, I trust my sister to be there for me emotionally, but I don't trust her to water my plants while I'm away. I trust my friend never to spill my secrets, yet may not trust her with my man. To trust someone I think you have to define which part of their inevitably flawed personality you are willing to stake a bet on, and to do that you have to know them moderately well.
So in this instance, I guess the people who put such great store in the trustworthiness of those in alternate lifestyle such as this are those who hook on to the openness that people express and assume that this is representative of everything?
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