quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Don't worry, your own depravity is only just beginning. Your absolute corruption is just around the bend. The unstoppable forces have you in their potent grasp.

quote:

The sender went on to discuss how our community is based on trust. While I understand that many trust the community to keep a level of anonymity, I fail to agree with the stance that puts us on a higher level of morality and values than others.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Good qualities are an individual thing and dont belong to one particular group. I think thats part of the problem with organised religion, the group is seen as supposedly good and everyone else is wrong or less good, when in fact , "the good, the bad and the ugly" lay within it. (To quote IronBear) must be an aussie thing lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

There seems to be people in our community that place us kinksters on a pedastal in the moral/ethical fields. I continually read/hear people talking about how they place more trust in their BDSM lifestyle friends and family than their vanilla friends and family. I have read posts and heard people talk about how we have a deeper level of trust in our relationships, a stronger bond, more commitment to making it work, etc.

We are such a diverse community so varied in socio-economic status, creed, race, sexual identity, religion or lack thereof. We have little organization on the local level and none on the global. My belief is we are simply tied together by the fact that we are considered sexually deviant. And even the terms that we use to identify ourselves vary greatly from person to person.

I don't understand anyone making such generalized assumptions. I do understand that some people have the need to place a higher value system on those that they feel kinship with. My own example of having experienced this way of thinking follows.


The morning after a play party I was unpacking my toybag. I didn't have my favorite flogger. I either left it behind or it got packed up in someone else's bag by mistake, no big deal. I called the party host, she checked her dungeon and the rest of the house, no flogger. I sent an email to each and every person that had attended the party requesting that they please check their toybags as my flogger must have been inadvertently picked up.

I received emails back saying that they either checked their toybags and found nothing additional, or that they too were missing a toy. For a week emails going out and coming in asking about the missing toys and no forward progress. Someone finally came to the conclusion that the toys had been stolen and voiced it via email.

The next set of emails discussed allowing the theif to mail the toys back with no return address, a drop spot, etc...

These emails were followed by a torrent of emails expressing betrayal, forgiveness, the willingness to sacrifice a toy for a friendship, and on and on it went. Until one email stated that the sender felt particularly betrayed because this "happened in our community" and that he "trusted us more than vanillas".

The sender went on to discuss how our community is based on trust. While I understand that many trust the community to keep a level of anonymity, I fail to agree with the stance that puts us on a higher level of morality and values than others.

Your thoughts?

quote:

any group you find yourself in is a cross-section of humanity, and given to the same WONDERFUL traits that run the gambit from angelic to demonic. I am thrilled to be a part of it all :) and I am always in good company wherever I go.

quote:

Because my sexuality is tied to my BDSM I do know that a failed kinky relationship seems to hurt me a lot more and that hurt lasts longer than strictly vanilla failures

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

When trotting out the elitisms, don't forget the relationships are deeper and so the break ups are so much harder to bear.

That people are more respectful.

And that we should be sure to police ourself and narc out anyone that might not meet these high standards, in the interest of protecting the community.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

People are people are people are people.

any group you find yourself in is a cross-section of humanity, and given to the same WONDERFUL traits that run the gambit from angelic to demonic. I am thrilled to be a part of it all :) and I am always in good company wherever I go.

Even when I am by myself, all of these tremendous things that make up so glorious an animal as a "human" are within me.

A note about pedastals. When ever you put someone (or some group) on a pedastal it is a dehumanizing experience. It strips them of their individuality and human dignity and turns them into an ideal. YOu never understand the person (or people) involved and are constantly trying to get them to live up to the picture in your mind of what they SHOULD be.

It is a control game, and not one I like to play in my kinky control games ;)

fergus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

When trotting out the elitisms, don't forget the relationships are deeper and so the break ups are so much harder to bear.

That people are more respectful.

And that we should be sure to police ourself and narc out anyone that might not meet these high standards, in the interest of protecting the community.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

When trotting out the elitisms, don't forget the relationships are deeper and so the break ups are so much harder to bear.

That people are more respectful.

And that we should be sure to police ourself and narc out anyone that might not meet these high standards, in the interest of protecting the community.

Okay so i am elite. i am elite because in my curent relationship i trust more deeply than i have ever trusted. Because i love more deeply than i have known possible. Because i have given everything about myself over to another human being, who has the power to break me if he so chooses. No, not just break my heart...but break everything.

Yes, i would say that's a deeper relationship than any vanilla i have had.

And yes, if i see someone abusing the vulnerability of another under the guise of dominance, it tends to piss me off.

Now...do i trust the community as a whole more so than others? No, i don't. Nor do i trust individuals until they have proven to be trustworthy - in any community.

So, call me elite if you wish. Laugh if you wish. But that is my truth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux


As a relative newbie, I have to confess to holding the opposite view.

It's been my experience in my brief time that there's more hurt and distrust and dishonesty and lack of integrity and flat out anti-social behavior in the scene than in the vanilla world.

I hate to say that, but it has been my experience. I'm hoping that as I meet more people and "get out" a bit more, that I'm able to reverse or balance that perception.

I do believe that well-adjusted, healthy kinksters can have a more well-developed understanding of their sexuality (and we've had threads about that), but in terms of ethics? I think the scene is worse, frankly.