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BeIgnited -> RE: Feeling Special. (9/22/2009 8:46:33 PM)
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Female submissive here.
Admittedly, I'm a closeted attention whore. Gangbang fantasies, fantasies in which I'm shared and passed around like a party favor, where I'm constricted in the center of a crowded room with people poking, prodding, and groping? Yup. I've got them all. I recognize that they may make me 'un-subly', but that's the nature of fantasies. They are selfish. I don't masturbate to thoughts of doing my Dom's laundry, and while I'm sure there are some people out there who do, I would venture to guess that they are a minority.
But--and this is a rather big But--I recognize that these fantasies are selfish. I think this is where the male submissives people complain about (which are certainly only a segment of the msub populace) get tripped up: the stereotypical msub MO seems to be to present these 'selfish' fantasies to a woman (usually one they hardly know) as a reward for the woman in and of itself. They seem to think that a woman should be flattered that he's offering to play dress up for her, or give over his virgin ass. I've got dozens of these offers in my Cmail box, and I've never even listed as a switch. This course of action indicates a lack of awareness of the nature of their fantasies, and a willful ignorance of what women want.
Which isn't to say that a sub, male or female, shouldn't share their fantasies, but it's all in the approach. You find someone whose interests gel with your own--not by asking if they'll do you and hoping for an affirmative answer, but by discussing likes and dislikes in a more neutral way (and on CM, by paying attention to the information a person has already provided in their profile). You broach these fantasies once some sort of dialogue has already been established, and without expectation of immediate gratification (I think this applies to both sides of the slash, really).
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