Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months?

Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (Full Version)

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LadyCharly -> Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 11:43:39 AM)
I just can't seem to wrap my mind around this and would like to understand, so please all you sub/slaves out there help me out here.... These are my thoughts..... 1) How can anyone really know another person just chatting online, the phone and meeting once or never? Ans: they can't! 2) Why would anyone up and sell everything, leave their job/friends/family and just relocate going with # 1? Ans: It is completely beyond me! 3) How much trust can really be built in just a short time? Ans: Not much! 4) Could someone be so desparate that they would do such a foolish thing? Ans: Yes happens way tooooooooo often! 5) What does one do if they relocate and give everything up only to find out they made a horrible mistake? Ans: Nothing, they're f*ed! 6) Then what are they to do? Ans: Live on the street until they find a job or another wacko to take them in! Look I've lived this Lifestyle for years and cannot tell ya how many horror stories I have heard! they think well I'll be ok then the unthinkable happens.....they made a bad choice, they threw everything away for naught or gawd forbid the dominant dies. I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't be smart about this? Oh and I haven't forgotten that the so-called dominants who allow this are most at fault in this situation!!!! One who lives this Lifestyle would NEVER allow a sub/slave to just move in without strict criteria and a whole lot of time/meetings! After all it is the dominants responsibility to keep the sub/slaves feet firmly planted on the ground, that he/she stays realistic and has the sub/slaves best interest in the fore front, to be sure the sub/slave doesn't make unrealistic decisions, that even if they allow them to relocate a dominant will set up a trust and a will naming that sub/slave in the event of death, etc. Yet more often than not these are not the case, shame on all those dominants that are irresponsible! I could go on, but won't.... ;) So give me your REALLY good reasons for making a life long desicion so hastily and without a lot of fore thought! Yes boys/girls, unfortunately there are bad people out there that will lead you on and f* you over for money! I am very interested to understand...... Lady Charly

slaveq -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 12:11:08 PM)
Lady, i fear You are correct. As a sub, that which i call the 'hunger' is so strong, it clouds my (our?) judgement. It is my Way, perhaps unfortunately, to follow my heart. For myself, i am not wealthy. i am a Personal Trainer and massage therapist and can relocate my business relatively simply. Yet still, i recognize that i am gambling with my life (the one thing that i do believe has value) my Lady, will collect my earnings and set aside 20% as a trust for her slave. i must trust in this (?) In the end, i am risking everything, perhaps that in itself feeds the 'hunger'. i must admit that there is some fear and trepidation. Yet too, that is a part of being slave - powerlessness (although yes, there is a feeling of strength in that too). i have used a combination of Trust, Intuition, and Reason (that being that i have arranged for safe calls) and the hoped for blessing of the Goddess (for to me, my first year is an act of religious contrition and devotion) Perhaps, i have merely confirmed that as a slave i am but a Fool [8\|]

slavejali -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 12:33:38 PM)
Lady Charly, I can hear what your saying and your concerns and take nothing away from them but everyones life path is different. The way each person sees life is a little different. Take me for example, I've never had a casual fling in my life, any person Ive hooked up with has turned into a long term partner...and each relationship turned into that very very quickly..there was no long process to coming together, ever. Some people would not be able to relate to that at all, and thats ok. Its as though I operate from intuition rather than the brass cold facts of life, or that I go with the flow of the process of life. Saying that, it doesnt mean I'm not, intelligent about my choices in life, but I seem to be able to make them fast. Another person would operate differently. However we live our lifes, I think the main think is to accept responsibility for the choices we make, however we make them. There is this old little poem/writing thing written by an 85 year old which I really love. I'd Pick More Daisies By Nadine Stair, age 85 If I had my life to live over, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I would relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have on this trip. I would be crazier. I would be less hygienic. I would take more chances, I would take more trips. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers, and watch more sunsets. I would burn more gasoline. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I am one of those people who lives prophylactically and sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I have had my moments And if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments,one after another. Instead of living so many years ahead each day. I have been one of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had to do it over again, I would go places and do things. I'd travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would play hooky more. I wouldn't make such good grades except by accident. I would ride on merry-go-rounds. I'd pick more daisies! . . , I just wanted to add: Some of the choices I've made in life have taken me down painful paths, others have been amazing incredible paths, but whichever way, whichever path, they have all been enlightening. To each their own.

LadyCharly -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 12:38:00 PM)
Dear q, do you not understand that the sub/slave is the one whom holds all the power? A simple "red" from you in a scene and all stops! That while giving yourself to another you hold the power on how it should be set up? After all if your criteria isn't met why would you bother in the first place....?!! The definition of a slave doens't mean that you have no rights in the beginning of the relationship or that you should accept all that is told to you as fact. A very real M/s rel. is built on a strong foundation and TPE or it's just a rel. that's basically vanilla and pretty much doomed from the start. Besides a real slave is not slave to just anyone who wants them....they are slave to the one that proves themselves worthy to own you! That they will care for your mental/physical well being, that they will guide you to become not only a better slave, but a better man/human being, that they will hold you in high regard and respect, that they will ensure your safety and future....on the list goes on. It sounds to me that in your "hunger" you don't care if you are settling for less then you deserve! Best regards, Lady Charly

fastlane -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 12:48:23 PM)
Despite the bravado, it must all come in baby steps...learn to crawl, walk and eventually run to the one you love.......But when it happens.....hmmmmm, such a beautiful sight! As for your observations....I too believe no one should jump on the bandwagon, before they see what is in the wagon!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 1:03:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyCharly Dear q, do you not understand that the sub/slave is the one whom holds all the power? No they aren't. Everyone holds their own power. quote: A simple "red" from you in a scene and all stops! Only if the top stops. quote: Besides a real slave is not slave to just anyone who wants them....they are slave to the one that proves themselves worthy to own you! That they will care for your mental/physical well being, that they will guide you to become not only a better slave, but a better man/human being, that they will hold you in high regard and respect, that they will ensure your safety and future....on the list goes on. And the list is wrong. Many dominants wany many things. Not all dominants want all that with a slave. Not all slaves want that with a dominant. quote: It sounds to me that in your "hunger" you don't care if you are settling for less then you deserve! Best regards, Lady Charly While I generally agree that moving in together and planning on a relationship after solely online contact is profoundly bad idea and is never something I would advise- people do make that choice as the best choice for themselves- and not necessarily due to settling or desparation.

Lashra -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 1:30:53 PM)
I know a lady who was sub, married to her Dom for a number of years. She had a home, a child, step children, money in the bank she had security. Yet She yearned for more and went looking for it on the net on a Gor forum. She thought she found her dream Master there. After talking to him on the phone/net for 2 years they met twice. She divorced her husband and became this young Dom's totally owned slave. She couldnt work, couldnt have friends, couldnt go anywhere without him, she couldnt even answer the phone! Needless to say there were many arguments not to mention the fact he had a $13/hr job with no benefits. In a word they lived in poverty and he had forgotten to mention his bankruptcy and trashed credit so they had nothing. She left him after her forbade her to work to help their situation and when she left him she said "I gave up everything for you.".the young Dom replied, "what do you mean by that?" He was totally clueless that she'd given up everything her security, money, possessions and not to mention personal freedom to belong to him. She went back to live with her elderly mother with just the suitcase and clothes she'd taken with her. Last I heard she joined a BDSM club in Ohio and was seeking a new Dom, I truly hope that her experience taught her a lesson. DO not take people at face value. You cannot know someone if you dont take the time to get to know them face to face. This takes time, months even years . Do not let boredom set you on a path thats going to end up hurting you, take your time and get to really know this person that you plan on belonging too, sometimes people are not what we think. Lashra

stingsonlyabit -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 1:42:39 PM)
It is my firm belief that this lifestyle appeals to many because they are so desparate to find someone, they forego all common sense and do very foolish things. What is a sub to a dominant if they can not practice control over these so called hungers? You can not give control, if you have none to give. As for the dominants, they are just as desparate. I sometimes believe folks are so desparate because they can't survive in the vanilla world they engage in "kinky sex" to compensate for under developed social skills or physical appearance. Disregarding of course there is a kinky element in even the most vanilla person. Anyway, I write these words as observations, not judgements. These folks are doing what they believe is best for them. Unfortunately, with no one practicing common sense, I am concerned for the safety of both submissive and dominant in such situations. I also believe it is my duty to speak out against such foolishness. I sometimes think in this lifestyle we are afraid to challenge certain behavior because we fear we will be labeled by our peers as judgemental. And, we all know we wouldn't want to be that. Unfortunately, it is far from judgemental, though as the recipient, it sometimes feels like you are being judged. Wonders how many sparks will fly now! LOL

slaveq -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 1:44:21 PM)
Lady Charly - i do believe that my Lady has positive qualities, for she was not the first. Although i recognize that my 'hunger' plays a role in my search, i see also with my heart and question this with my mind (and tongue... for this hasn't been easy). i seek the One who is due my devotion, but also can accept my strengths, my dreams, my values... W/we must mesh. Noone is perfect, this i know but also in our inperfection W/we find our compliment. i believe that my Lady, slave sister, and i compliment each other. i trust my Lady with my life, if i didn't i wouldn't be putting myself into this situation. Yes, perhaps W/we are (as a Brit i've heard say) "daff-buggers" and perhaps it will not work out. But in the end, i love the lines of a certain song i know: "Every day we take our chances Laughed at by time, tricked by circumstances..." But fear of taking those chances can cause us to let life slip by and leave us with a hollow albeit safe future. However, i do thank You for Your concern, and Your words are certainly worth consideration.

Littlepita -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 2:30:47 PM)
These are my thoughts..... 1) How can anyone really know another person just chatting online, the phone and meeting once or never? Ans: they can't! That is your opinion. I have been online with my Joe for 10 months. We have talked at least 4 to 6 hours a day. I worked at home and he is retired from his career, so our time was very flexible. I will say that I met my ex-husband and moved in with him after 2 weeks and not much talking at all. It lasted for 18 years and while we grew apart in the last years together, we were happy for a long time. So I personally feel confident that I do know who my Joe is and I know he knows me because I have always portrayed myself as I really am since I know playing any kind of games would be detrimental to us making it work. 2) Why would anyone up and sell everything, leave their job/friends/family and just relocate going with # 1? Ans: It is completely beyond me! I spent the last 10 years of my life stuck in my house doing a job that I hated. I don’t feel I’m giving up very much since my stuff was crap, I wanted out of my marriage anyway and I will be moving to live close to my parents. My sister who is my best friend has a computer and a phone so we can stay in touch. 3) How much trust can really be built in just a short time? Ans: Not much! Again, that is your opinion. My Joe has proved how much I can trust him by his words and actions. He has done everything he has said he would do and I have never had one red flag raised and believe me I have looked very closely for one. 4) Could someone be so desparate that they would do such a foolish thing? Ans: Yes happens way tooooooooo often! I acknowledge that the world is full of desperate people doing stupid things. It is also full of people willing to step out of their comfort zone and take a chance at real happiness. I happen to believe I am one of the brave and not the foolish. 5) What does one do if they relocate and give everything up only to find out they made a horrible mistake? Ans: Nothing, they're f***ed! They are if they don’t have a back up plan. I happen to have parents that will take me in and give me a job in their business if things don’t work out with me. It is one of the reasons I told my Joe that I wanted to live in the same area as them and not go off to some strange city where I wouldn’t have anyone if I needed it. 6) Then what are they to do? Ans: Live on the street until they find a job or another wacko to take them in! I agree that no one should just jumped into something without clearly thinking of every angle and having a plan for if it does go wrong. I will say that life is complicated and people do things for all sorts of reasons that others can’t or won’t understand. I know for myself, I wasn’t looking for a Dom or anyone for that matter. I was prepared to live in my unhappy life, because I didn’t have that much faith I could really have something different. I met my Joe and we had instant chemistry. We both had an interest in D/s and decided to explore it together. We fell very much in love with each other and because of our complicated situation have decided to meet and move in together. What I love the most about my Joe, is that beyond his love and need to own me he wants to see me become a self-sufficient woman that doesn’t need any man to take care of me. He lives for the day that I become that woman and then still chooses to stay with him. But, even if I don’t he will consider it worth it because he really cares about me and wants the best for me. No way in hell am I giving up this chance no matter what the risk are!!

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 3:48:18 PM)
quote: I sometimes believe folks are so desparate because they can't survive in the vanilla world they engage in "kinky sex" to compensate for under developed social skills or physical appearance. Ummm... is this a personal description? I for one have excellent social skills and albeit I'm no beauty queen I am far from the hunchback of Notre Dame. I am not in this lifestyle to compensate for anything. I simply know what I like and am honest with myself about it. quote: I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't be smart about this? Oh and I haven't forgotten that the so-called dominants who allow this are most at fault in this situation!!!! One who lives this Lifestyle would NEVER allow a sub/slave to just move in without strict criteria and a whole lot of time/meetings! We have allowed this on more then one occasion and can say with no uncertain terms that the first time it happened the girl stayed with us for nearly a year and when she left it was because she had found what she needed... her soul-mate. And the second one... well, she is with us now, she wears our collar and we have never been happier. She flew 2000 miles to meet us for the first time, now she knows she was just coming home. Granted it isn't always the perfect match, it doesn't always work out. But who are you to preach to us "so-called" dominants about our responsibities? quote: After all it is the dominants responsibility to keep the sub/slaves feet firmly planted on the ground, that he/she stays realistic and has the sub/slaves best interest in the fore front, to be sure the sub/slave doesn't make unrealistic decisions, A submissive isn't some mindless twit with no ability to make decisions, they are thinking, responsible adults. I can honestly say that you are preaching to the choir here.... the submissives that read and post on this board could teach you a thing or two... they know themselves and they don't generally go off helter skelter with bad decisions. Responsibility lies on the shoulders of every individual involved. quote: quote: ORIGINAL: LadyCharly Dear q, do you not understand that the sub/slave is the one whom holds all the power? No they aren't. Everyone holds their own power. quote: A simple "red" from you in a scene and all stops! Only if the top stops. I have to agree here.

Rayne58 -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 4:07:36 PM)
I moved from my little rural corner of New Zealand to the big city of Sydney Australia to live with Master. I had no friends or relatives here. I had known Master online as a friend for almost a year before things changed between us and we began to get closer emotionally. From that time until the time I moved was about 7 months. I visited Him once during that time for 3 weeks and by the 3rd day we both knew this was for real. I went back and packed up and 6 weeks later I was back with Him. It has been 2 years now and we are still together, and plan on being here for many more if the powers that be allow it. We plan on getting married this year. He has many health problems but we take each day as it comes. If the worst does happen and I lose Him[:(] I am pretty sure I can organise my own life, I am not someone who needs someone to tell me what to do every minute of the day. I lived alone for almost two years and coped pretty well [;)]

twicehappy -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 4:57:40 PM)
quote: 1) How can anyone really know another person just chatting online, the phone and meeting once or never? Ans: they can't! You get a feel for the person. You can tell whether or not the person is someone you might be interested enough in to make the trip to meet .Intelligent people ask for and check references. quote: 2) Why would anyone up and sell everything, leave their job/friends/family and just relocate going with # 1? Ans: It is completely beyond me! A person would travel across country, potentially leaving a lot in order to find that one special human being or beings that they connect to. Why do you find it so weird that people in the lifestyle do this? People in the vanilla world do it. Or haven't you heard of Match.com or People Finder etc. Why are you under the impression you would have to sell everything you own? If you get there and decide to stay, surely you would want/be able to bring your own belongings. Or quit your job? If you are unsure, take your vacation time. As to friends and family, you are often separated by distance for numerous reasons, personal relationships included. Have you heard or the telephone? Email? Visits? quote: 3) How much trust can really be built in just a short time? Ans: Not much! I think you can build enough trust talking to decide whether or not it is worth the chance. After all, all relationships start somewhere D/s or vanilla. quote: 4) Could someone be so despearate that they would do such a foolish thing? Ans: Yes happens way tooooooooo often! Desperate? No, i think that’s the wrong word. Desirous, that’s a better term. Yes, one can desire to meet ones soul mate that much. The Master or Mistress at whose feet you belong at. quote: 5) What does one do if they relocate and give everything up only to find out they made a horrible mistake? Ans: Nothing, they're f**ed! Go do something else! quote:* 6) Then what are they to do? Ans: Live on the street until they find a job or another wacko to take them in! There are usually more options than you quoted. Granted there are exceptions, lack of family etc. Most submissives or slaves i know have an alternative plan. If they are the type that just pass from one dom/domme to another and this is how they live, then they put themselves in that situation on their own. quote: Oh and I haven't forgotten that the so-called dominants who allow this are most at fault in this situation!!!! One who lives this Lifestyle would NEVER allow a sub/slave to just move in without strict criteria and a whole lot of time/meetings! After all it is the dominants responsibility to keep the sub/slaves feet firmly planted on the ground, that he/she stays realistic and has the sub/slaves best interest in the fore front, to be sure the sub/slave doesn't make unrealistic decisions, that even if they allow them to relocate a dominant will set up a trust and a will naming that sub/slave in the event of death, etc. Yet more often than not these are not the case, shame on all those dominants that are irresponsible! Wow! And here i thought i was a responsible adult making my own choices as to where to be and who to be with. At least until the moment i accept a collar at any rate. The truth is you can have as many real time meetings as you like. Much like dating in the vanilla world, you never know until you live together. One of the biggest issues being that often the Dom/Domme and the sub/slave are separated by great distances. I traveled over 2000 miles to meet my Master(ScooterTrash)and my Mistress(ShiftedJewel).I am now in their collar and have never been happier. We suit each other to a tee. They are a miraculous pair, and could not be better to me. And FYI, yes, there are arrangements in place should something happen to them so i would not have to leave my home or be uncared for.

MHOO314 -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 5:16:09 PM)
OK I sat back this afternoon and watched the posts--so here is My 411-- What people do in the "life" to day is nothing different than has been done for thousands of years--people leaving to marry a stranger based on an arranged marriage, mail order brides, a chance to escape to freedom witrh a visa----so drop the slaves, submissive, life crap--its no different whether one has a fetish or not--its human nature, human need, nothing more, nothing less--we are not more desparate because we are in the life. quote: as noted by stingsalot--As for the dominants, they are just as desparate. I sometimes believe folks are so desparate because they can't survive in the vanilla world they engage in "kinky sex" to compensate for under developed social skills or physical appearance. Disregarding of course there is a kinky element in even the most vanilla person. WTF? I sir, do not engage in kinky sex or this life because I am desparate--- in fact it isn't the sex at all and as for underdeveloped social skills, stand up and pull your pants up because yours are showing-- and for a submissive, this is not the way to find a Dominant---be prepared to sit idle for awhile. as for your opinion Lady C it is that nothing more, nothing less,it is an opinion relationships are subjective--there is no rule book in or our of the life. quote: Look I've lived this Lifestyle for years and cannot tell ya how many horror stories I have heard! they think well I'll be ok then the unthinkable happens.....they made a bad choice, they threw everything away for naught or gawd forbid the dominant dies. I am amazed that you even posted this topic for your profile asks for those to come to you--so a submissive drives to see you gets killed in a car accident---what then he was desparate? puhleez. quote: Look I've lived this Lifestyle for years And this makes you an expert how? People die--sh** happens but it is what it is. So before you go off on My opinions, let Me give you fodder for fuel--I am an intelligent well respected Domme, I too have been in the life "for years", I am a professional with a high IQ, a well respected life, I after 200+ interviews met My boy, we talked and chatted for over 4 months, we spent ONE weekend together and I collared him, by fall he will be here with Me. It is all subjective--you cannot pass judgement or make rules-- as long as the human heart is involved --all bets are off. Now if you had written your post to say: Use caution Think clearly Have a back up plan I may have been more impressed--but to indicate that those that make decisions against "your" beliefs are foolish causes Me unrest.

Submotive -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 5:42:34 PM)
There are NO GUARANTEES - PERIOD. We lock our doors, our cars, our hearts and what happens? We still get robbed, broken into and hurt. There are no fail safe measures and those that need them and want them are unlikely to be roaming these pages. I believe that any decision i make i am responsible for - not someone else, me. And before i make the decision i look at the various possibilities of the decision. Then i jump in anyway - usually. And i think this is because i believe i have the ability to deal with whatever results i get from that decision. Subs and slaves are not infants - submission doesn't mean don't think. As a matter of fact if someone doens't have the ability to think for themself, exactly what are they submitting?

Littlepita -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 6:32:20 PM)
Bravo to so many here that have posted. I have enjoyed reading so many of the very intelligent responses.

Smythe -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 7:14:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 So before you go off on My opinions, let Me give you fodder for fuel--I am an intelligent well respected Domme, I too have been in the life "for years", I am a professional with a high IQ, a well respected life, I after 200+ interviews met My boy, we talked and chatted for over 4 months, we spent ONE weekend together and I collared him, by fall he will be here with Me. It is all subjective--you cannot pass judgement or make rules-- as long as the human heart is involved --all bets are off. Now if you had written your post to say: Use caution Think clearly Have a back up plan I may have been more impressed--but to indicate that those that make decisions against "your" beliefs are foolish causes Me unrest. MH, In general I am against posts that say "to each her own" or "it depends". Waste of space and attention. But in this case I want to say that while the OP makes some good points, they are nothing but her opinion, and yes, worded a bit strongly. You must not feel defensive. Your story of your trip and meeting, and your future plans, have pleased many of us. You are making yourself happy, you are finding personal satisfaction, you and your boy are hurting no one and you are watching out for your boy. Cheers to you. And yes I will say it...to each her own. Smythe

MHOO314 -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 7:21:02 PM)
Thank you dear Lady, as always spoken with great gentleness, I take no offense for Myself but for the many others who may indeed take offense--hasty generalizations cause Me great unrest---

KnightofMists -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 7:25:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyCharly I just can't seem to wrap my mind around this and would like to understand, so please all you sub/slaves out there help me out here.... Why do you care?

MHOO314 -> RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? (3/1/2006 7:28:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: LadyCharly I just can't seem to wrap my mind around this and would like to understand, so please all you sub/slaves out there help me out here.... Why do you care? Damn! I work on a response, write and rewrite to keep it unflammatory, agonize over My feelings and in 4 words you defuse it--- smiles, well said

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