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RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/1/2006 8:07:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Why do you care?

To be fair, considering I've had that line thrown at me with some of the topics I've brought up in discussion groups over the years- why shouldn't we care? As well, bringing up a topic that intrigues us does not necessarily mean that we have an axe to grind or some actual emotional involvement.

KOM- as someone who brings up lots of thought questions, how would you feel about someone who threw that line at you?

While I don't really like the attitude of the OP nor do I feel it facilitates actual discussion of the VERY REAL AND REASONABLE ISSUES that the OP tries to raise, just throwing a line like that is something you expect from a 13 yo teen who just got told they can't wear high heels.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/2/2006 6:46:17 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I've pretty much stayed out of this notestream but after the celebration of yesterday I feel I do have something to offer. I'm not going to give a point-by-point response but I think I can touch on a lot of them.

First and foremost, I do think you can get to know someone as well through mediated conversations as from face to face contact. The operant factor is that both parties are honest and willing to do a "warts and all presentation." I'm not saying there are not dangers, but those dangers can lie in face to face communications. After all, in 1820, Gregor MacGregor mamaged to create an entire imaginary country, Poyais, develop relationship with Great Britain and France and even ship hundreds of settlers off into nowhere without a single computer or webcam. Computers are a tool, not something either good or evil.

As for moving: in eight months after we first met, Libby and I moved in together. We had only met on the occasionally weekend because of our busy schedules, but I resigned my vice presidency at Erdos & Morgan, a Madison Ave. reseach firm, gave up my apartment on 65th and Park Avenue and moved everything to Boston where we planned to give me the freedom I needed to finish several books I had started, including The Loving Dominant.

Now, some might say "well he's the dominant," but think about what this implies. I'm no more competent or prepared that a submissive who might make the same move. If the relationship failed, I would be the one unemployed in a strange city. One thing we did to with an eye to a possible failure was to keep our finances completely separate. (When we finally combined them just prior to our marriage, it was amazing how similar the accounts were both in size and makeup. We had both consistently put away roughly 10 percent of our salaries from the time we were teenagers and later had shifted the money to various mutual funds. Had I known this in advance I would have been even more sure our relationship had "legs" since different attitudes toward money is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in a long term relationship.

It can work.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/2/2006 1:46:07 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Littlepita
I acknowledge that the world is full of desperate people doing stupid things. It is also full of people willing to step out of their comfort zone and take a chance at real happiness. I happen to believe I am one of the brave and not the foolish.

Pita,
When you first began posting about your situation I was one of the ones who shook my head and worried...Although I like to think I held my tongue, since I believe in live and let live...

The more you posted, and the closer the day arrived to your meeting, the more I've come to be one of your supporters. I do believe, as you say, thay you are one of the courageous ones!

In and of itself LDR is not new, (mail order brides, arranged marriages, war-time romances), these things have existed since the dawn of man I imagine, and appear to have about as much success rate as any other way of beginning a relationship.

As in all things, it's all up to the participants.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Littlepita)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/2/2006 1:53:16 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

In and of itself LDR is not new, (mail order brides, arranged marriages, war-time romances), these things have existed since the dawn of man I imagine, and appear to have about as much success rate as any other way of beginning a relationship.


Funny you mention that, I used to joke with Master before we met that I was his mail order slave. It was kinda a hot thought at the time for me lol

Everyone just see's life differently hey.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/2/2006 1:57:53 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

In and of itself LDR is not new, (mail order brides, arranged marriages, war-time romances), these things have existed since the dawn of man I imagine, and appear to have about as much success rate as any other way of beginning a relationship.


Funny you mention that, I used to joke with Master before we met that I was his mail order slave. It was kinda a hot thought at the time for me lol

Everyone just see's life differently hey.


LOL I have a role-play fantasy about being a slavegirl sold into a royal household...makes for some very hot sex...

Hmmm...enough said!

Cin


_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/2/2006 3:55:18 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Why do you care?

To be fair, considering I've had that line thrown at me with some of the topics I've brought up in discussion groups over the years- why shouldn't we care? As well, bringing up a topic that intrigues us does not necessarily mean that we have an axe to grind or some actual emotional involvement.

KOM- as someone who brings up lots of thought questions, how would you feel about someone who threw that line at you?

While I don't really like the attitude of the OP nor do I feel it facilitates actual discussion of the VERY REAL AND REASONABLE ISSUES that the OP tries to raise, just throwing a line like that is something you expect from a 13 yo teen who just got told they can't wear high heels.


frankly... There is a huge difference between

Why do we care?

as compared to

Why do "YOU" care?


So really answer... Why shouldn't we care! is not answer to the question I asked... and frankly, if I ask a question... I have reasons... if one wants to know my reasons.. I will tell them... so How would I feel... I feel nothing... It's just a question... no emotions... but lots of thought... love people that think! I also never accept the answer "Because!" which in essence is just what "why shouldn't we care" is saying. It is not answer.. it's an evasion at best or at worse a lack of thought!


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/2/2006 6:35:50 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCharly

So give me your REALLY good reasons for making a life long desicion so hastily and without a lot of fore thought!

Lady Charly




There are NONE.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/2/2006 8:33:27 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		i can't tell you why people do it, but your right they do. There is an orginization that helps people in situations like this. It is called immediate family and can be found at www.immediatefamily.org

(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/2/2006 8:36:14 PM   
SylentStryder


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, I am one of those who allowed things to move too fast with a little slave.....much to the detriment of both of us.

There were some circumstances that brought it about, but all the same, it was my responsibility, therefore, my fault, as Master.

Had I changed course and taken other actions when those circumstances arose, things would be much different. I would still own the girl, she would still have a Master.

Now she flounders and is greatly confused, her slave belly lost to her, out of touch with it. Now I sit and think about it, sad, alone, and hurting. And now I can only regret...and learn from it.

That is something that WILL NOT happen again in my house. I lost my mastery of myself with her, I fell in love and let things slip. I knew better, but.....

Take a lesson from me....time is the greatest teacher, the best friend, and the only way. Let time be a tool in your Mastery of yourself, and your slave.

_____________________________

I am of Gor, she is in me, I am her.

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/3/2006 8:32:58 AM   
LadyCharly


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Wow! Isn't it great that we live in a time that we have the right to our opinions? I have always been one to speak my mind and do so without the intention of being offensive, but alas there are times it is taken as such. My post was not intended to upset anyone nor was it judgmental in any way..... But as we all know this venue can often be taken the wrong way as there isn't any influctuations in voice or body language to read. Nor was it a generalization of ALL out there. I thank those who have replied!

KnightofMists...Why do I care? Well 2 reasons actually.....1) I'm a decent human being who genuinely cares about others and 2) It would be great if people here and other places of society didn't ever get hurt or killed persuing their desires or just simply living their life. Thus if my post helps just one sub/slave to stop and think for a second as to my words and why I perhaps wrote them, and it assists them with having a backup plan or to take the time in their euphoria to truly look at everything, where otherwise they wouldn't have, then this was worth it all!

Unfortunately there are some out there who get hurt and killed. That is the reality! Do we all remember the "Master" on Alt that killed the submissive women he lured to Kansas? Or do we know about the others throughout time that have killed after torturing their victims? Seems many forget about the victims, but I won't. I'm sure there are many whom do things on a whim and all is good. But the purpose for my post was for those who may perhaps get so caught up that they forget the safety measures that should be taken, male and female or they're too shy to ask. I didn't make up the horror stories I've heard from sub/slaves and my heart goes out to them. There are good/bad on both sides of our Lifestyle and life in general..... Tragically I know about the bad first hand, as my lesbian twin sister was brutally murdered.....Obviously I can't ever forget the victims!

I don't know everything nor do I claim to. Everyone is unique and have their own comfort level, as well as how they wish to live this Lifestyle! It's not about who is right or wrong here! I see it as human beings and fellow Lifestyle people, who all do have some responsiblity to inform what we know as fact or direct others to those who know, if we don't. Some now may say, WTF you don't have the right!!! Ah then I would ask, Why don't you care? But the reality is it's our right to care or not to care and to do so without faulting those whom are different from us.......

Thanks again to all whom have replied to this post!


Best Regards,
Lady Charly


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/16/2006 11:50:53 AM   
nightfly


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		In response to the original question, those of us who are shunned by the rest of the world, when we find someone who accepts us, the desire for intimacy and the longing for affection in any form can make us forget everything else. I've been alone for eight years now; not a kiss, not a hug other than what I have to pay for. The only physical contact I get is when I go to a dancer bar and pay a girl just so I can hold her to satisfy the need to be touched by another human being; by the time I've been sitting with her for half an hour, I want to kiss her so much it hurts; it's all I can do to hold back, because I know in reality that it's not real, that she's only with me for the cash. I've never even met a woman who is actually attracted at all to a guy like me (I need to crossdress occasionally, have never been able to stop completely, every woman I've told gets this horrified look on her face, as if I told her that I drowned her kitten or something). So if I find one, the temptation to just forget about everything else would be very, very strong. If I couldn't afford to get affectionate touch from dancers, I would probably be susceptible to giving myself to someone just for the sake of human contact.

(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/18/2006 6:03:29 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Im a mother, and fret for most people who relocate. The ones that take children with them! sheesh, but each to their own.

Im also one of those people who's friends say, 'i envy your courage to just do what you want to do'. So i understand why some people take risks in life, as i do the same.

Some members are clearly a slice short of a loaf in the decision that they take. But hey, thats my opinion not theirs. Their life, their risks, their rewards, both positive and negative. BDSM is not different to vanilla in this respect.

Taking chances and living life to the full is something im proud to say, im experiencing. I simply need to change my life every ten years completely. Im in a fortunate position of being highly qualified, can find work anywhere i would chose to move to. In two weeks time, i move to a new place, no job, no house, but i know, it wont take me long. I can safegaurd myself and ours, coz im smart, take smart risks etc. Maybe these people you speak of believe they are doing just that.

each to their own i guess. But i really do see your original post point of view. But if you have no back up plan, then your asking for trouble when or if the shit hits the fan. These people, who take rediculous risks in their bdsm life, often would be taking them anyway in a vanilla world. But its rather fun in the fast lane sometimes.

(in reply to nightfly)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Collared and relocating inside 1-6 months? - 3/19/2006 5:26:05 AM   
Hissweetshiv


Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		From what i read, i am assuming Your post is mostly about the speed at which some of these people throw it all away to move in with someone they've only known online. This is indeed a problem, but online relationships are not all false, nor is everyone online a liar.
Master and i started out 2000+ miles away from each other. Because of the distance, we both fought the connection for ages before realizing that like it or not, we had fallen for each other. During that period, (and to this day) we told each other EVERYTHING... from complaining about a lousy day to speculating over possible matches for each other and discussing our kinks. Because of the distance, we only managed 2 visits - however, before i visited Him i had spoken to His mother, His boss, and His best friend. We were both very careful about forming an actual permanent relationship from that distance, and because we were careful, after years of phone calls and letters and yes, online chat, we are married and i am in Texas with Him.
Unfortunately, we are not the norm in online relationships. People tend to "fall in love" far too quickly, not bothering to be sure they really KNOW the person they're talking to. This is indeed a problem. Relocating to be with a Dominant (or anyone else) is a major life decision and should never be made without careful thought and research. However, as long as there are subs who get carried away with that dizzy feeling of a new connection, and as long as there are Dominants who allow it to happen, there will be nothing we can do to stop it, other than warn those we care about to take a little more time.

_____________________________

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

"Forget love...i'd rather fall in chocolate."


(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 33
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