RE: Getting Paid for It

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Getting Paid for It

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Getting Paid for It

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/4/2004 10:38:20 AM

TickleToy

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

You know, I miss the old guy at my local chicken place that was able to have my order boxed up before I could even place it. I like to think there are still a lot of people that realize the value of other people whether the people are providing a service or not. Back in the dark ages, I worked in fast food and saw all sorts of customers. The problem with fast food is you can't help who you wait on. You have to deal with the next person in line even if they are the jerk from hell.

Pro-dommes can and should pick and choose who they play with. They should, especially with regard to new clients, be comfortable with the scene they will be performing. As a bottom, who from time-to-time finds himself looking for a new pro-domme or pro-tickler that is willing to cater to my fetish, I have no problem with a pro-domme saying she has no interest in playing with me. It is better for her and it is better of me that she is honest. I have had the bait and switch. It was an interesting experience. I learned some stuff but my next session was with someone else.

Now, I do have a problem when someone claims to be a pro-domme and they either ignore or insult me when I query to see if they have an interest in catering to my fetish. All I am trying to do is idenitfy whether or not it is worth both our time to continue the possibility of having a session. That attitude just seems like bad business to me. A polite no or I am not interested is all that is required.

Regardless, Laura, as I said in another thread, you have to do what you feel is right and even if you do decide to turn your interests into a business, you need to make sure you are in control of the session and comfortable with what you are doing. Moreover, you need to know going into a session that you are capable of providing the service your customer is looking for. If they are looking for tickling and you go into to CBT and nipple torture, the session, although a learning experience for the client, really isn't that successfull.

Another issue is, what if you get a client and after a few sessions start getting to really know him and things start getting more into a personal mode than a professional mode? Depending on where everyone is in their lives, there are a lot of issues that could crop up here. One problem, is a client is a person and if a client sees you as a person then things could shift.

This is the primary reason I am looking for a new play partner again. Although I am single, she was dating someone and that relationship has become serious. He doesn't know about her side job of tickling me. Meanwhile, we had a session that came very close to blurring the business relationship we had established, which as you have multiple sessions with a person that line can blur fairly rapidly. If her life had been different, I think we would of gone happily down a different path. As it is, we decided it was best to part ways so she could focus on the next phase of her life.

So there are a lot of issues to consider and a lot of potential consequences.

Now, on the bright side, I was able to let her fulfill many of her dominate fantasies and I was able to experience some of what I was looking for. For our final session, I purchased the equipment that we used just so she could in one final bash know what it was like to have some of her specific fantasies fulfilled. It was a win-win for both of us.

So I think pro-dommes can find value in some of their relationships, just like the fast food employee can find value and friendship with some of the customers.

(in reply to cbtok)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/10/2004 2:34:11 PM

AechInJi

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

In response to monsieur42 post I too have been to a few pay to play domme, twice, and left unfullfilled. Haven't been to another sense then.

(in reply to sarbonn)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/10/2004 3:00:47 PM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

In defense of pro's..

One of my dearest friends is Mistress Precious. mistressprecious.com and she is an exceptional pro-domme. I used to feel like many a negative feeling towards pro work, until I took the time to learn and become friends with one. While for the long haul it can leave many feeling unfulfilled, for many it is a starting point, a gateway into sexual exploration, or an outlet for those who are unable to escape the confines of socialized behavior, and societal expectations. Oddly enough I know many lifestylers who were introduced to the lifestyle via pro's. I know many pro's who take the time to instruct and train people so that they have the ability to integrate thier kink into their daily life.

Just like all facets of life, you have skilled and unskilled person calling themselves professionals, In the Pro domme arena there is little to "certify" a person as skilled, and just about anyone can hang up a shingle saying they are a professional. Fortunately there are services and magazines such as Max Fisch and DDI that help people in rating and learning the skills and services provided by pro's. In all areas of life it pays to be an informed consumer.

Not every has the luxury of going to public munches and events, or even the desire. We should not fault those who seek an outlet to thier kink that is within their ability. Nor should we criticize those who are truly professional in provideing a safe place in which they may do so.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to AechInJi)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/11/2004 2:01:25 PM

SternMistress

Posts: 31
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

It's tempting, with all the do-me men here, to accept the offer and take their money. But, I can't see myelf doing the McDomme thing. A real Domme doesn't take orders. But, the money would be so nice. Freelance writers are always short on that.

What is it really like to get paid for it? Does it feel like you sold out? sold yourself? I don't think I have the right personality chip to be a paid Domme. But I'd like to hear from others who do.

Just as any business, including freelance writer, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do.
I'm rather offended by the comment "a real domme doesn't take orders", where did you get the idea that "pretend dommes" take orders and where did you get the idea that the exchange of money = pretend domme?
It sounds a little like you've already got fixed ideas about what pro dommes are and what we do and even if you didn't mean to sound snotty, you do, given that you've made a few sweeping statements.
Let's face it, there are plenty of "real" dommes out there, milking some poor sap for all he's worth disingenuously.
I advertise my skills, I advertise my service, I have a fully equipped dungeon and outdoor play area and I make it perfectly clear that my sessions are conditional on mutual interests and are within my control, the subs decide if they want to take it or leave it.
Speaking for myself, if a paying sub wants to dictate the terms of the session, I kindly explain that I'm not pizza to go, they can't have it any way they want it and refer them to a local place where they can dictate the terms of their sessions.

(in reply to Laura)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/17/2004 1:31:02 PM

MladyAlanna

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/6/2004
Status: offline

Ladies...I am very glad to have this thread...I recently have been considering going semi pro (you know a few times a month to start). I am wondering about legal issues and of course the financial aspects. Any and all info would be happily listened to. Please contact Me on yahoo or even leave a message since I dont check the forums often.
Mlady Alanna

(in reply to Laura)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/23/2004 5:24:01 PM

Devra

Posts: 42
Status: offline

Well, this is an interesting topic... i would say i could not "now" i would not say He would not collect, if i were collared i would have no choice. Really i never thought of it before this post. *giggles

_____________________________

"isn't this universe of Ours Unique"

(in reply to cbtok)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/24/2004 3:08:40 PM

LadyTantalize

Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline

"But, I can't see myelf doing the McDomme thing. A real Domme doesn't take orders."

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Sorry, but it did sound snotty!!! No wonder why I don't do message boards much anymore - because every time I come back, I read the same attitude and incorrect assumptions!!!!

At least I am hearing some truth here from some - I almost had to stop reading. After YEARS of spewing forth the SAME debates over and over, after YEARS of defending Professional Domination. We have to defend it more from those sharing our alternative lifestyle preferances more so than from vanillas - what's that all about??? Sheeesh, I'm tired!

Control, power and domination can be exchanged in MANY different ways and NO ONE has the right to deem how another lives this lifestyle!! (ok, unless it's against SSC or RACK credos or are dangerous psychos or something!! ) Stop looking down your nose at ProBDSM work, research the field and take a broader view of a very broad subject!

I take orders from NO ONE! My websites clearly state My desires, needs and preferances - those who enjoy My specialties contact Me. Those who expect scripted scenes, to be able to top from the bottom, or that I will cater to their demands are dismissed. Although the "McDomme" thing is cute, if what you like is on the menu, then you are in luck! If not, too bad, this ain't Burger King and for most ProDommes - the subs CANNOT have it all their way! Sort of would ruin the "fantasy" that we are selling, wouldn't it. In order to sell the fantasy, we must dissect it, learn it, live it, know it!! For the client, it's the fantasy, for Us, it's the REALITY OF WHO WE ARE AND I AM DAMN PROUD TO BE A PRO DOMME! Many of us even have vanilla careers, and don't depend on it to pay the rent. But, for those who do, most who are ethical, experienced and established DO NOT take orders, thank you very much!

(Another side of this ---- If I give My order to a waitress, does that mean she is not a "real" homemaker, woman, cook or whatever? It's a job, and most of the human race takes orders from others in one way or another and they are no less of who they are!!!

There is a big difference between an experienced, established Professional Dominatrix and a "hooker with a whip", or a fetish performer, or a BDSM escort, or a bored housewife looking for thrills and extra pocket change. Just as there is a difference between a neurosurgeon, an anesthestist (sic.) a proctologist, an "herb doctor", an LPN, an RN, or the quack with a store front and a fake license hanging on the wall offering cheap boob jobs!!! It is the responsibility of the client to research and choose appropriately.

Don't stereotype or discriminate within a lifestyle that is already fighting harsh judgements from vanilla society! And, yes, the "experienced, established ProDommes" are, most often, in the "lifestyle" as well!

(DISCLAIMER: No offense for the labels used above as I think prostitution should be legalized and I have no problem with such!! I am not an escort!)

I have clients that I've seen for years. I have even have a client who is a "collared slave" to Me who has been with Me for four years - yeah, figure that one out. Many BDSM lifestyle relationships do not even last that long!

I've had collared slaves and submissives, male and female; I've had personal submissives, I've had playmates. I'm currently considering a new collaring and personal D/s relationship in a poly aspect. I am married to My vanilla man/sub/bedroom-slave and we've been together for almost ten years. There is a difference in the two relationships (professional and personal), true, just as there is a difference is a Master/slave, a D/s, a poly, etc., etc., and all of the other types of alternative lifestyles. NONE are wrong! And, just as many professions revolve around "personal contact" and "emotional connections" (day care and hospice workers, doctors, psychiatrists, hell even My hair stylist is My friend) most all of the "experienced, established" ProDommes CARE about their clients and they do not merely "accept their offer and take their money".

Damnit, look at how much EFFORT, TIME, WORK, ENERGY AND MONEY that We must put into Our Pro work!!!!

I do not consider doing something you love for a monetary service to be "selling out" - yeah, but I guess U2, Jimi Hendrix, or Andy Warhol all "sold out". (Just examples here, but I think I made My point!) (Umm, ok maybe U2 did sell out!) *laughs* Give Me a break - WORKING HARD TO HONE YOUR CRAFT AND YOUR EXPERTISE IN A CERTAIN FIELD IN ORDER TO MAKE MONEY IS NOT SELLING OUT. If that were the case, every one who went to college to pursue a dream of doing something they love and earning a living would be selling out!!!!!! If someone can become successful doing what they love - more power to them!

OK, sorry for the harshness but if I had a dollar for every time I've encountered such misunderstanding and condescending mindsets over Professional Domination over the past years, I bet WE ALL here could retire on the amount!!!!

I also apologize for repeating anything mentioned by others in various threads. I didn't read all, I immediately gruffed and started typing!!!!

I do apologize for the droning, excessive commenting and ranting! Got Me at a bad moment, I guess and truly tired of defending something that the lifestyle needs to accept as beneficial for the outlet, knowledge, extensive diversified experience that We can share!!!

OK, enough!!! *smiles, chuckles and grins*

Best wishes to A/all here, and truly no offense or hard feelings to anyone. Just had to get it out, I guess!!!

Wishes for a lovely weekend to A/all.

Truly,

Lady T.

(in reply to MistressZanthia)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Getting Paid for It - 9/24/2004 4:26:07 PM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
Status: offline

Tantalize,

I totally agree with you. People don't realize that a LOT of the lectures and seminars, a LOT of the BDSM events, a LOT of the education that goes on within our community is done by Pro Dommes.

I've heard your name a lot since you are here in Georgia. . .along with Mistress Whip, Lady D, Goddess Amazon. . .all of whom contribute a lot to the lifestyle here. And on the other coast, Lady Lilith (of www.frugaldomme.com) does much to contribute to the lifestyle and the education of the community there. She has that FREE website up. . .chock full of info. . .for anyone to have at it.

I think Pro Dommes do a LOT to enhance our community at large.

Just my two cents.

~Jules~

_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to LadyTantalize)

Profile

Post #: 28