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Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 7:59:45 AM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
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Here is an article i found this morning online at the Daily Beast:

quote:

Sex researchers say that middle schoolers are increasingly coming out to friends or family, according to this week’s New York Times Magazine cover story. And not just in progressive enclaves either: Benoit Denizet-Lewis reported from Tulsa, Oklahoma, where a community of gay tweens has developed. While bullying and worse continues, one professor said the lives of gay middle-schoolers would be “nearly incomprehensible to earlier generations of gay youth.” The result is the first generation of adolescents taking on a lifestyle that has often been seen as exclusively adult.

I can report submissive fantasies before age ten and bdsm play with a partner at age 14. I had a very confused understanding of my orientation at those early ages but no one to counsel me against shame and fear of social exposure and no consistent avenues for safe action. Oh, it was so furtive.

I wonder what your coming out experience was. When did you first come out to yourself? When did you first come out to someone other, and can you possibly imagine we have reached the point where black/blue middle schoolers would feel free to come out and not suffer the slings and arrows of freakdom from their bully peers?

_____________________________

vincent....

Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? I ask you.

Post #: 1

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 8:17:43 AM

bluefireeyez

Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline

I also had fantasies about submission way back in early childhood. It wasn't until I was 18 or 19 that I realized what it was that I sought.

When I first told someone, I was surprised at how well she took it. She listened to all that I could say to explain it and told me that it made sense, that it was just a part of who I am.

There will always be intolerant people, who try to bully others into the social norms. It is unfortunate these things but coming out as gay is relatively new...being Dominant/submissive is not a new concept but may be looked differently apon because of the level most lifestylers like. Hopefully there will be a time in the future that we as a society are much more tolerant than we are today. It has taken a long time, but we already have made some progress....we just need to continue to make more by raising children to be tolerant of others differences.

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 2

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 10:35:05 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4princess

I wonder what your coming out experience was. When did you first come out to yourself?

I don't really think I had ever had to come out to myself. I have my sexual desires since I was very young, elementary school really though I didn't know exactly what they were. As I got older, I was able to better figure out what I was looking for.

quote:

When did you first come out to someone other, and can you possibly imagine we have reached the point where black/blue middle schoolers would feel free to come out and not suffer the slings and arrows of freakdom from their bully peers?

I came out as a bisexual to my parents and friends when I was in either late middle or early high school. In my group of friends (not the people I went to school with), it wasn't considered weird and there was a decent number of us who were trying to figure out our sexuality and supporting each other.

I honestly never took shit from my friends for it. My parents weren't thrilled and I took a little crap in high school for it. Most of the slings I've suffered have been after I realized being a submissive was something to come out about and the feminists at my college weren't thrilled with me.

As for if we've reached a point where middle schoolers won't get teased? I doubt that will ever happen but I think that is the nature of that age group. Ackward and miserable. Whoever is different in the group will be picked on. My group of friends mocked conservatives probably a lot more than we should have.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 3

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 10:35:28 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
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Definite fantasies about my submissiveness and kinkiness in those early days.....

teacher after school spanking ;)

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Post #: 4

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 10:50:17 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

i kept it simple. i played with my girlfriends, read mummy's porn (cause she had impeccable taste!), and explored sex toys. i saved the hands on stuff for later.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 5

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 12:07:25 PM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

As for if we've reached a point where middle schoolers won't get teased? I doubt that will ever happen but I think that is the nature of that age group. Ackward and miserable. Whoever is different in the group will be picked on. My group of friends mocked conservatives probably a lot more than we should have.

I doubt bdsm will ever gain the acceptance attained by GLT Community because we are so not a community. That's too bad for the kids coming up. I hope i am wrong of course.

_____________________________

vincent....

Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? I ask you.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 6

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 12:07:47 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4princess

Here is an article i found this morning online at the Daily Beast:

quote:

Sex researchers say that middle schoolers are increasingly coming out to friends or family, according to this week’s New York Times Magazine cover story. And not just in progressive enclaves either: Benoit Denizet-Lewis reported from Tulsa, Oklahoma, where a community of gay tweens has developed. While bullying and worse continues, one professor said the lives of gay middle-schoolers would be “nearly incomprehensible to earlier generations of gay youth.” The result is the first generation of adolescents taking on a lifestyle that has often been seen as exclusively adult.

I can report submissive fantasies before age ten and bdsm play with a partner at age 14. I had a very confused understanding of my orientation at those early ages but no one to counsel me against shame and fear of social exposure and no consistent avenues for safe action. Oh, it was so furtive.

I wonder what your coming out experience was. When did you first come out to yourself? When did you first come out to someone other, and can you possibly imagine we have reached the point where black/blue middle schoolers would feel free to come out and not suffer the slings and arrows of freakdom from their bully peers?

It was about a very lost 15 year old young man and a 38 year old woman, Except this is no fanyasy, it was very real. And just so we are perfectly clear, there was no sex involved

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 7

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 12:14:13 PM

xoxkittenxox

Posts: 147
Joined: 12/17/2007
Status: offline

For me, I think I chickened out. Some knew through highschool, because I did Day of Silence, I had one girlfriend through highschool. I generally lean more toward females but I consider myself bisexual for my parents.

I entirely left the country before I told my parents! I moved in with my girlfriend right after highschool, in Canada. I emailed a few weeks later and my dad and sister accepted right away. My mom I fucked up with, because I told my big-mouth little sister and she told mom before I could... Mom was pretty irritated the first time I called and talked about it.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 8

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 1:30:09 PM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

It was about a very lost 15 year old young man and a 38 year old woman, Except this is no fanyasy, it was very real. And just so we are perfectly clear, there was no sex involved

Ah well, i shall maintain confidence you have had better luck since.... *smiles*

_____________________________

vincent....

Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? I ask you.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 9

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 5:15:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

To be honest I never came out because I never had such fantasies when I was young. I have always simply been attracted to dominant personality men whether they ever heard of bdsm or not.

As for kinky sex, I never saw it as a big deal or "kink". Maybe all the men I've ever fucked have been kinky..I dunno. I tend to believe that everyone is "kinky" in some form or another.

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 10

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 9:27:39 PM

Fluke

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline

*fast reply*

I have had fantasies with a clear D/s and/or spanking theme for as long as I can remember.

I remember getting my hands on some of my sister's porn magazines when I was about 11-12, it was all quite interesting, but the one story with a little spanking and some very mild D/s blew my mind.
It also showed me that this stuff could be *sexy* too, but for a long time I still separated my interest into sexual and non-sexual until, over time, I was able to form a more complex view.

I was 14 when I got my first computer and access to the Internet, I soon learned about the "main" S/M community in Norway and found their IRC channel and hung out there pretending I was 18, since that was the legal age..

Through my teens I would tell my friends if the opportunity arose, but not in great detail, unless they showed some real interest, but everyone knew I was "kinky".
No one came after me to bash my head in, at worst people just thought of me as a bit odd, at best it was mostly ignored or maybe came up as a humoristic topic late on a wet night..

I'm not "out" to my family, and I have no desire to be either, but I strongly suspect my siblings have caught on and told our parents, mostly because of the things that are difficult hiding, like my tattoo, some of my clothing and my frequent wearing of leather wristbands...

Otherwise I'll tell anyone who asks and try to make a point of telling anyone who is more than a fleeting acquintance.

< Message edited by Fluke -- 9/24/2009 9:40:40 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 9:35:21 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

I was in college. Tied up my gf with my silk ties. Loved it. Absolutely loved it. She enjoyed it too, which was the ultimate turn on. It just grew from there.

(in reply to Fluke)

Post #: 12

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 9:44:17 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

Being from Tulsa, I totally agree with the statement made in the article. It IS scary.

It also makes me wonder about a lot of things. It's illegal to teach about condoms used as birth control in oklahoma. But then again in tulsa they run an Open Arms Youth Project, which is for kids 16-20. Its basically a dance club, they also have access to condoms there (the legal age of consent in oklahoma is 16). So I've noticed over the years sometimes,( I've met about 5-10 people who have admitted to this) that will say they are Bisexual in order to go hang out with the cool kids at the club. There is no real dance club for STRAIGHT kids 16-20. .........I dont know. just an interesting aspect to ponder on.

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Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 13

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/24/2009 10:46:56 PM

tacoslave

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/20/2009
Status: offline

I've known I was bi for most of my life. I started to notice boys and soon after started to notice the girls once they started developing. I remember making "wow she's hot" comments from age 9. I've also always knew there was something different with me,... always wishing I were a boy, always hanging out with boys in school trying to be "one of the guys". I just thought I was weird cuz I never was a "normal" girl to begin with so I just kind of accepted it and then recently learned its being transgendered. I've also had this weird thing, I thought, where I'd be in a 100% committed relationship and have no intentions of wanting to leave them, and yet I would develop feelings for someone else and yet my feelings on the original person would be unchanged. I thought I was just being greedy or that there was something wrong with me and as of 2 weeks ago, my bf of 5 years (on and off) have started an open poly relationship together. I think everything kind of falls into place in time. I never came out to my family about being bi, and they don't know of my poly lifestyle, and only a select few of my friends know of my lifestyle but I'm openly bisexual. I came out in school when I was 13 I believe, in 7th grade, and it was the talk of the school,... I told one person I had a girlfriend and by the end of the school day my nickname was dyke. I was approached by countless people with questions and comments,a mix of good and bad. It overall wasn't a pleasant experience, and looking back on it, I can understand why but it doesn't justify what they said to me about it.

< Message edited by tacoslave -- 9/24/2009 10:50:24 PM >

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 14

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/25/2009 12:27:57 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4princess

Here is an article i found this morning online at the Daily Beast:

quote:

Sex researchers say that middle schoolers are increasingly coming out to friends or family, according to this week’s New York Times Magazine cover story. And not just in progressive enclaves either: Benoit Denizet-Lewis reported from Tulsa, Oklahoma, where a community of gay tweens has developed. While bullying and worse continues, one professor said the lives of gay middle-schoolers would be “nearly incomprehensible to earlier generations of gay youth.” The result is the first generation of adolescents taking on a lifestyle that has often been seen as exclusively adult.

I can report submissive fantasies before age ten and bdsm play with a partner at age 14. I had a very confused understanding of my orientation at those early ages but no one to counsel me against shame and fear of social exposure and no consistent avenues for safe action. Oh, it was so furtive.

I wonder what your coming out experience was. When did you first come out to yourself? When did you first come out to someone other, and can you possibly imagine we have reached the point where black/blue middle schoolers would feel free to come out and not suffer the slings and arrows of freakdom from their bully peers?

What U did privately as a child is beyong the TOC herre on Collarme.
What i did afetr te age of consent sidders now to what it did then.
Confused?
Well thats because the age of consent is 16 years here in the UK for acts of sexuality.
We are talking acts of sexuality aren't we?
Becayse if we are just talking cow boys and injun girls then that ok then.
But I'm still not prepared to talk about this on an open forum because of feeding the pervs and the pedos.
I'll get flamed anyeay which is what has happened when I have tried to raise issues about young submission here on the forums.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 15

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/25/2009 3:29:15 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I had fantasies when I was about 7 or 8 of having naked female slaves doing My bidding and calling Me Master. I was 40 yesterday and it's still just a fantasy! lol. When I was in college in the mid 80's I sometimes dominated 2 women-one was staff and one was a mutual friend from the area where the college was;but had no idea what I was doing, just that I enjoyed it and enjoyed the reaction. Then in the early 90's I discovered (sort of by accident) that there was a whole community of people into the same thing as Me, upto then I was worried because I thought I was turning into ted bundy.

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 16

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/25/2009 6:14:06 AM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

We are talking acts of sexuality aren't we?
Becayse if we are just talking cow boys and injun girls then that ok then.
But I'm still not prepared to talk about this on an open forum because of feeding the pervs and the pedos.

Your concern is noted and appreciated. But let me point out that the article cited at the root of this discussion appeared in a popular online journal and my own reference to bdsm activity at age 14 makes no reference to sexual behavior, so you assume more than you should. If we do not feed the pervs i shall go hungry. As for the pedos, their existence is undeniable. They walk among us. i feel anger for what they do to the innocent and i feel sorrow for the burden they carry upon themselves ... there but for the grace of god, etc, but i'll be damned if i am going to self-censor for worry about other people's fantasies and inclinations. Let the moderators express their concern and i will learn from them. Have a good day.

_____________________________

vincent....

Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? I ask you.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 17

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/25/2009 6:19:02 AM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I was 14 when I got my first computer and access to the Internet, I soon learned about the "main" S/M community in Norway and found their IRC channel and hung out there pretending I was 18, since that was the legal age..

While i can't cheer you're doing something illegal i can express my envy that you came of age in a time of wider communication than i did. i think you were damn lucky to have the internet; all we had in my time were embarrassingly furtive adult book stores.

_____________________________

vincent....

Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? I ask you.

(in reply to Fluke)

Post #: 18

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/25/2009 7:54:53 AM

Fluke

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4princess

quote:

I was 14 when I got my first computer and access to the Internet, I soon learned about the "main" S/M community in Norway and found their IRC channel and hung out there pretending I was 18, since that was the legal age..

While i can't cheer you're doing something illegal i can express my envy that you came of age in a time of wider communication than i did. i think you were damn lucky to have the internet; all we had in my time were embarrassingly furtive adult book stores.

I have often thought about that myself, how lucky I and others of my age are to be able to come to terms with this part of us from relatively early on, I certainly do not envy the generation(s) before me!

And I think it is absolutely wonderful that people come out and are *able* to come out of various closets at an earlier and earlier age, just shows we're going in the right direction as a society.. :)

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 19

RE: Coming Out as a Teenager - 9/25/2009 9:02:03 AM

TheGaggingWh0re

Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline

I remember being extremely young and playing on the playground. I was a little scamp and would stand beneath the stage right before you go down the whirly slide and look up at the girl's undies! That, at least, is my inclination that I was bisexual before I even knew what bisexual was.

By the time I was a little older and 'social corrections' forced me into hiding, I didn't 'come out' until my freshman year of highschool. It was difficult because I had an unhealthy friendship with a pair of girls who, when the news circulated, claimed that our friendship was based around my attraction for them. ... ...Ew? No thanks. I let them know after that whole deal that even as a girl who has a more broad spectrum on who she is attracted to that they still have little, if any, appeal to me. I think their egos were a little hurt because we've never spoken since.

As far as bdsm? Again, I can tell you a time when I was young and hid under my blankets and had a 'Gulliver' fantasy where all these little people would tie me down! LOL! It's amusing to think about it. I can't recollect the exact time I divulged my innermost sub to anyone. I want to say it was in that unhealthy relationship that I attempted to bring it up as if it were normal. I don't know if I blocked it out, but I do know that by freshman year I had a solid gathering of friends who knew about it and we'd discuss it. I even had a pair of friends who wanted to start a poly D/s group with me! That was fun, but I'm glad I decided not to because that relationship was just..wrong. Anyway, I am rambling.

Now adays my younger siblings know and one of them is a little domme herself! So funny. I'm sure the 'rents know, but we don't talk about it and that's fine with me! I have a single friend who knows and only because she is such a trustworthy, wonderful person! Otherwise, anyone who happens upon my public pages will know, but it will be out of their own volition and not an invitation on my part :P

(in reply to Fluke)

Post #: 20

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