Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/25/2009 2:25:46 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

We've kept multiple servants, and have also had multiple Keepers as well as members who weren't involved in authority exchange at all as part of our family, but it does take a great deal of diligence as a Keeper to manage multiple servants effectively and in a way where everyone thrives and grows from the experience. I wouldn't want to keep multiples if they didn't have a purpose in our home. It's been my experience that people who don't know why they're in a situation and don't feel needed and wanted don't thrive in that situation -- and since a house where people aren't thriving isn't a happy home, well...

Dame Calla


I don't know anything about your particular situation, but it in cases where the rather cold term of servants is used, I would sermise there would be a lacking of genuine deep emotions for one another, this making it easier to have several without conflict

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/25/2009 3:16:46 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
Acer.... Do you really find it so hard a concept to grasp?

Do those who have a child only love that child half as much if they have a second? How about a third?

If You have a friend, do you care for that friend any less each time you make another friend?

Why then should it be different simply because the emotional attachment is labelled a relationship? If I meet a girl who I develop feelings for.... and My girl meet a girl who she develops feelings for.... and that person is the SAME person who develops feelings for us both..... should those feelings be denied simply because society considers pairbonding to be normal and "Thou shalt have only one partner"...... funny I don't see Me taking much notice of society thinking I can't hurt someone I care for? Just another thing society and I disagree on. Such an addition to our relationship can ADD to the whole... sure one extra person has to be accomidated for it terms of time and energy.... but that extra person is also adding HER time and energy, her emotions, feelings and connectivity... she doesn't simply detract.

Your emotions maybe not work that way.... and I don't see any poly folks here telling you are 'wrong' for having that limitation..... I don't see any poly folks pointing at your life and saying it must be too difficult to work when so much that is natural 'has to be being denied'... which is the other side of the coin. We understand because it is the way WE where 'taught' it was supposed to be..... Is it so hard a concept to grasp?


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/25/2009 5:38:13 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

FR to OP
<snip>

Jesu, give me a combat zone in some stinking jungle any time.





*adores IronBear*


_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/25/2009 7:14:51 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline
  i wish. i wish... more Men thought that !.  A one and only is more of a honour i think

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/25/2009 7:22:06 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Do those who have a child only love that child half as much if they have a second? How about a third?
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Acer.... Do you really find it so hard a concept to grasp?

Do those who have a child only love that child half as much if they have a second? How about a third?

This is true i know. You dont love a 2nd, 3rd or 4th child any less than the first.  I always enjoy reading your posts, you often have wise words... the only thing that sticks out in my mind here from things you have previously written though is that you have said before that you could never love your slave-..... ?

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/25/2009 7:39:33 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49


quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

We've kept multiple servants, and have also had multiple Keepers as well as members who weren't involved in authority exchange at all as part of our family, but it does take a great deal of diligence as a Keeper to manage multiple servants effectively and in a way where everyone thrives and grows from the experience. I wouldn't want to keep multiples if they didn't have a purpose in our home. It's been my experience that people who don't know why they're in a situation and don't feel needed and wanted don't thrive in that situation -- and since a house where people aren't thriving isn't a happy home, well...

Dame Calla


I don't know anything about your particular situation, but it in cases where the rather cold term of servants is used, I would sermise there would be a lacking of genuine deep emotions for one another, this making it easier to have several without conflict


If you think the term servant is cold, you should see how some people react to the term slave in a relationship. Just sayin'... Things aren't always what they appear. 

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/25/2009 7:39:37 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

Are there alot of Masters or Doms who have multiples?


You could start a poll  ?

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/25/2009 11:49:13 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa
This is true i know. You dont love a 2nd, 3rd or 4th child any less than the first.  I always enjoy reading your posts, you often have wise words... the only thing that sticks out in my mind here from things you have previously written though is that you have said before that you could never love your slave-..... ?



That is a problem concerning the word 'love'. It is all too often used as a 'hook' to excuse bad behaviour.... "Oh I know I cheated on you... but I do love you" and other such bollox.

I have have that word misused to Me often enough that I no longer identify it with anything positive and it leaves Me cold.... I don't LOVE anybody.... but I most certainly do CARE.

It hasn't only been rendered meaningless by the way honourless jerks use it.... it is also by its nature and uncontrolled meaningless, undefinable quality..... I have said on many occasions that I care deeply for her, that means something. It is controllable, actable upon, I take CARE of My property Her needs are taken care of, I have a duty of Care.... because I CARE and the control is one of the ways My care expresses itself.

If I take on a second My care of her isn't lessened...... Like the nebulous 'love' thing, it isn't a finite thing... however care as an actable on quality also implies that I won't and don't take on so many others that I can't fullfill the duty of care I take on.... I take CARE not to spread Myself too thin.




< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 9/25/2009 11:54:18 PM >


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 4:29:00 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa
This is true i know. You dont love a 2nd, 3rd or 4th child any less than the first.  I always enjoy reading your posts, you often have wise words... the only thing that sticks out in my mind here from things you have previously written though is that you have said before that you could never love your slave-..... ?



That is a problem concerning the word 'love'. It is all too often used as a 'hook' to excuse bad behaviour.... "Oh I know I cheated on you... but I do love you" and other such bollox.

I have have that word misused to Me often enough that I no longer identify it with anything positive and it leaves Me cold.... I don't LOVE anybody.... but I most certainly do CARE.

It hasn't only been rendered meaningless by the way honourless jerks use it.... it is also by its nature and uncontrolled meaningless, undefinable quality..... I have said on many occasions that I care deeply for her, that means something. It is controllable, actable upon, I take CARE of My property Her needs are taken care of, I have a duty of Care.... because I CARE and the control is one of the ways My care expresses itself.

If I take on a second My care of her isn't lessened...... Like the nebulous 'love' thing, it isn't a finite thing... however care as an actable on quality also implies that I won't and don't take on so many others that I can't fullfill the duty of care I take on.... I take CARE not to spread Myself too thin.





  That is a wonderful sentiment.

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 4:31:46 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
FR

I care, I love. Both apply to every person who is part of my life. Not rocket science either. friends and family I care deeply about and love. My wife I care about much more deeply, love in a different way in a manner called being in love. She comes first in my life and I place her life and well being higher than my own. Ergo a girl or boy or any others being closely attached/collared to my home will be cared for and loved by me BUT, they can never take the place of my wife (Lady Neets) and is I state in my profile, "Any one attempting to cause a rift/split between myself and Lady Neets will find themselves on the road outside my home with bag and baggage before their feet touch the ground" or words to that effect. Thus be part of the team or solution and never part of the problem.

Like RavenMuse and a couple of others here, I absolutely fail to underconstumble what is so hard to grasp with this concept. Some of are wired for Mono and others are wired for Poly that is the only difference. To be part of my inner life and part of Bruin Cottage, is an honour and privilege. With that comes duties and privileges too for there are no free meals nor rides. But I see this also applyingh to the homes of RamenMuse, Dame Carla or any other Master/Mistress here too especially those who are Poly.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 5:27:34 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
There are two slaves in our house, me and Alandra. The three of us are a family and we all live together. No one here feels shorted because there is more than one girl in the house and in fact, it was Alandra who wanted poly in the first place. He was quite content to be monogamous until she corrupted him *eg*

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 5:34:04 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I don't know anything about your particular situation, but it in cases where the rather cold term of servants is used, I would sermise there would be a lacking of genuine deep emotions for one another, this making it easier to have several without conflict


Oh really? Cold, eh? Hmm... and here, for years now, I've used the term because it is a genuine reflection of the capacity for commitment that can genuinely be -made- in a relationship, and because it doesn't divide our servants up into boxes where they feel that some are automatically "better" or more appreciated than others because of what they're called. I use it because it is embracing and inclusive of -all- of those who yield themselves within our authority-transfer dynamic, whether they yield in small ways or in large... pieces or the whole... so that they know that they are -all- valued for -exactly- what they bring to the family.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 6:43:03 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

No, no.....a city lot. It's packed with Masters.



And if there's a good rastaurant on the corner are they then a round lot?

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 7:36:56 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49


quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

Are there alot of Masters or Doms who have multiples?


I think there many that try, but ulitmately someone ends up getting the short end of the stick. I can't see a submissive wanting to share her Master with another. With life, work, children and other time demands, there seems to be so little time even for those who have only one. To split what little time is left between one or twomore, I do not think a submissive deserves half or a third of a dominant.


Responding to a variety of things in this thread, not just your message, but I will start with yours, Acer.

I see what seem to be successful versions of these relationships spoken about on this message board by the people in them and given the consistentcy of their statements over time, I assume that some of them are not dissembling. ;) While I agree with antipode that SubonlyforHim is the only one who can define what "a lot" means to her personally (as it's her value, not anyone else's) I see enough of these relationships being spoken of to say that, while I don't personally think there are "a lot," there are far more of them than I expected!

This is one of those situations where circumstances alter cases. Under certain circumstances, perhaps the ones you envisioned when you answered this question, what you say makes sense. But there's such huge variance in people, in their needs and desires, and in the situations they find themselves in. I know of (and even if I didn't know, I could imagine) many circumstances involving devoted masters and slaves where another submissive would be a very positive thing, and none of them involve "yippie more sex!" or a need for the dominant to aggrandize his ego even more.

A situation that I'd like to hear about from someone experienced with it is one in which two dominants of the same sex (and not gay) in a household share a single submissive. I do not recall every hearing such a situation talked about, although these scenarios pop up frequently in erotic fiction. So I'm curious about whether they exist/work in real life.

PS: I love the term "servant." I find it a very warm and affectionate word when used by a dominant to describe someone they're in a relationship with. To me, servant carries the connotation of "trusted,' which is something of a badge of honor. Servants, whether paid or not, traditionally knew their master's business and if a servant wasn't loyal they could cause a lot of trouble for (and perhaps ruin) that master or mistress.

A lot of talk goes on in the messages about submissives learning to trust (or not trust) their dominants. I see less talk about a dominant's need to trust a submissive and how that can also be a slow, careful process of analysis and judgement that doesn't always succeed with a given submissive. I don't see submissives discussing among themselves what they can do to earn that trust. (shrug, maybe it'd make for a good thread some day.) But it's almost as if earning the dominant's trust is taken for granted by many of us? And maybe that has to do with an "angel complex" (just making up a name for something I've observed) that many of us seem to have, particularly the female subs. Angels, after all, should not need to earn trust. ;) But, although it is not talked about as much, I know this analysis of a sub's trustworthiness goes on, particularly with dominants who are strongly in control of themselves (don't cave in much to impulse or emotion) or who have been badly burned in the past.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 8:58:21 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

"angel complex" (just making up a name for something I've observed) that many of us seem to have, particularly the female subs. Angels, after all, should not need to earn trust.


This female sub is most definitely as far from being an angel/angelic as is possible!

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 9:09:35 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
I think there are far more dominant men that would like to have multiple submissives, than there are masters or mistresses that have real, living breathing slaves, physically serving them.

I am open to the idea, but not actively hunting it town. I value quality over quantity any day.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 9:29:01 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I think there are far more dominant men that would like to have multiple submissives, than there are masters or mistresses that have real, living breathing slaves, physically serving them.

I am open to the idea, but not actively hunting it town. I value quality over quantity any day.


That makes sense (to me)

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/26/2009 11:16:32 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
LT Lass, once again we are in complete agreement about this. I too value quality over quantity anywhere. Perhaps many male Dominants fantasise about multiple sub/slaves without understanding what it entails and even fewer who do, have not the ability nor where with all to own the many rather than the one.


< Message edited by IronBear -- 9/26/2009 11:19:43 AM >


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/27/2009 5:30:27 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
It isn't a question of what others do. It's a question of what I need in a relationship. If he needed poly, then I wouldn't be the right partner for him. I would wish him good luck finding other partners and hope he wished me good luck finding someone more compatible for me.

This should have been discussed upfront. If he claimed he would be monogamous and now says he doesn't have to keep his word because he's the master, then he's a master of lies. He either is honest or he isn't. He either keeps his word or he cheats.

And if you thought you could handle poly but have discovered you can't, then you tell him that and wish him good luck finding more compatible partners while you find one who really does love you the way you need to be loved.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves - 9/27/2009 11:28:03 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It isn't a question of what others do. It's a question of what I need in a relationship. If he needed poly, then I wouldn't be the right partner for him. I would wish him good luck finding other partners and hope he wished me good luck finding someone more compatible for me.

This should have been discussed upfront. If he claimed he would be monogamous and now says he doesn't have to keep his word because he's the master, then he's a master of lies. He either is honest or he isn't. He either keeps his word or he cheats.

And if you thought you could handle poly but have discovered you can't, then you tell him that and wish him good luck finding more compatible partners while you find one who really does love you the way you need to be loved.


I am very much poly. We both are, and always have been. Neither of us has ever made a secret of or lied about that. My question is merely curiousity at how common our situation is.

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Having Multiple Subs/Slaves Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109