RE: Journals

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Journals

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Journals

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 3:08:27 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

I don't keep a journal, and I've never been good at free-association writing. If I have something to say, I say it in whatever medium is available and most helpful. Usually when I have time to think, he's around, so he gets it "live".
He does sometimes write things he's thinking about to me, as he has more downtime during the day than I do. I really like those, but I don't get to keep them.
No way in hell would I consider forcing, coercing, requiring, or even requesting a regular journal. If I want to know something, I ask. He tells me or he doesn't. It probably makes a big difference that he does share most anything, so I'm not chasing him about to find out what he's thinking. Perhaps if I were with someone less communicative, I'd feel differently.

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 21

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 3:19:16 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I think journaling, in some form (doesn't have to be written), is a valuable introspective tool that everyone can use. I do and have for years. Not much is "locked" in my journal. If an entry is blatantly sexual, I'll lock it to friends only because I only friend adults. If an entry is about a situation that I haven't yet spoken to the individual(s) about, I'll lock it to my eyes only. But, I talk about these things rarely and so 98% of it is completely open to the public.

http://masterfiremaam.livejournal.com/

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 22

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 4:35:05 PM

HisSub1213

Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline

I keep a journal daily. There are days I find it very hard to think of anything intelligent to say, but I manage somehow. Actually writing used to be easier for me than talking, but lately I'm finding it very easy to say what's on my mind when we're talking.

_____________________________

HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 23

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 4:36:39 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

It is like reading. Some folks really enjoy reading and others find it tedious and unappealing. I would think if a man enjoyed writing he may enjoy that as part of the dynamic. I personally think it would be lovely to have that added dimension. As Cuffkinks said he goes back at times to read her entries. I think it would be warming to have a place to go soak up some beloved if he was not around, sort of like being together, reading the words he may have written. Having the time to slowly absorb and soak up the content of whatever he said/wrote.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 24

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 4:45:53 PM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

Anything that improves communication is probably a good idea... but instead of this 2-way double journal nonsense I'm a fan of just talking to each other.

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 25

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 5:48:01 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

It has been a long accepted practice for a dominant to ask a submissive to keep a journal to that they could keep a pulse on what thoughts the submissive that a submissive may have a hard time veralizing.

I do that for Sir. He was reading my collarme journal and then asked me to start one for His eyes only. That makes it nice, as sometimes I get really shy talking about things. Somehow it makes it easier if I write it down and I'm not there when He reads it.....I have no idea why that is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49
And to the submissives, would you wish to ask this of your dominants in an effort to help them? and would you make use of this option?

Sometimes I'm curious as to what He'd write, but I have no idea how I'd ask. I don't think He'd take too highly of my expecting it. As someone else said, I'm on a need-to-know basis and He lets me know what He feels I need to know.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 26

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 6:15:29 PM

cuffncollar

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/21/2008
Status: offline

i wrote in journal form only when i felt like it. i've found that He really enjoys reading what i've written and wants me to continue more often. it may not have been the correct thing to do, but i did ask him to also write and he said that he would!
cuff

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 27

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 7:34:03 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

Dominants, do you feel a submissive should be allowed this same request and if so, would you do the same for them?

While not speaking for him... I can request anything I like. If he complies is another matter entirely.

Though he has no interest in reading a journal of mine and I have no interest in reading a journal of his other than a livejournal. To me, a journal is a very private and personal thing and I would not not keep a true journal that anyone but me could read without very direct orders and with it on record that I was against it. It is not a matter of not trusting him but the way I process my own feelings and thoughts.

quote:

And to the submissives, would you wish to ask this of your dominants in an effort to help them? and would you make use of this option?

No. Because I feel this way about journals, I do not wish to peek into someone else's private thoughts. We speak to each other openly and frequently and the tool of a journal, while it is a very effective tool in other relationships, does not have a place in ours.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 28

RE: Journals - 9/25/2009 9:33:51 PM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

It has been a long accepted practice for a dominant to ask a submissive to keep a journal to that they could keep a pulse on what thoughts the submissive that a submissive may have a hard time veralizing. My slave asked me why do not dominants so the same for their submissives? It is a valid point. Dominants, do you feel a submissive should be allowed this same request and if so, would you do the same for them? And to the submissives, would you wish to ask this of your dominants in an effort to help them? and would you make use of this option?

Wonderful can of worms you got there! I think that a journal for the Dominant to keep abreast of what is going on with the Dominant, is probably not a good idea on the level that I'm reading this. It's like asking that should the submissive be transparent while the Dominant is not? Do submissives want to know ALL of what a Dominant is thinking and putting together on a detailed and daily scope of things? Where would the "planned spontaneity" be? Where would the devilish things we dream up for our submissives and our pleasure be, if a journal was kept on such planning?

I don't think that Dominants should be so openly transparent as to have a daily journal for the benefit of the submissive. The journal is a form of disciplined ritual for some as a form of self-exploration and a secondary form of communication. One couple I know use the journal as a means for the submissive to communicate those things they can't/won't do verbally. Their dynamic goes as far as to use the journal to give the submissive a "voice" in the relationship and is not really allowed to discuss on that level directly to their Master. In other words, she can bitch and let off steam without reproach from the Master, and can let him know how she is feeling positive or negatively, and not step over-bounds in their M/s relationship. At first I was not taking that concept very well, but I have since begun to understand the dynamic that they share is good with this.

I don't require my submissive to maintain a journal. I may in the future, but right now, she has too much going on to write it, and I have too much going on to read it. The only time I have for reading period, is in bed before I rest....and the last time I tried reading in bed, I ended up reading the same paragraph over and over again for 4-weeks straight. Not good.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 29

RE: Journals - 9/26/2009 12:36:09 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I'm a fan of journals, as both Domme and sub. Potential subs in particular have been asked to write one and it has been a useful way for them to air things that they might have been hesitant to raise face to face in such a new relationship.

i'm still writing a journal for Master and we've lived together 24/7 since June 04! Over that time, its nature has changed a LOT ... at first it was very introspective and mostly about all the things i was thinking and feeling and learning, as well as a record of things we did for posterity (ie that time in the future when our memory marbles bags develop holes and we start losing our tombolas!). At times we both go back to some of those and read them over and ooh and ahh and sigh and fondly remember. That's fun and wonderful and the same reason i scrapbook all our photos!

However, these days it's much more of a daily log of our general lives and very handy for those tricky questions like "when did we order that product?" and "when did i have those ovulation cramps so when is my period due?" Just sometimes there's something introspective, though more often than not we will have already raised it in person and the journal will record the thought and decision-making process that we went through. Which is still very useful for the future. It's kinda scary when i get a few days behind and we're both wracking our brains trying to recall what happened thursday from the perspective of sunday! So we both figure the journal is worthwhile.

At one stage some years ago, we had to be apart for a while and both missed each other terribly. Master chose to write a journal of His thoughts and feelings during that time (not planning activities as that would spoil the surprise!). i adored reading His thoughts and fully realised He missed me every bit as much as i missed Him. That was incredibly precious to me. i have dropped a couple of hints that it would be nice more often ... but then it's up to Him. And He admits He's hopeless at taking hints LOL!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to CNJDom)

Post #: 30

RE: Journals - 9/26/2009 2:52:26 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

There is a massive difference between requiring and requesting something i think... anybody should be allowed to request... as in to ask politely

I did keep a diary when i was young and when my then boyfriend started reading it i thought it would sort of help him to understand me and it would make him be my perfect lover (ah the innocence of youth) instead he took everything the wrong way and got very insecure, jealous and angry... what a drag...

My Husband would not like to read my day to day drivel... He would get ever so bored with that on top of all the other things like sorting mail, accounts, paying bills and computer things.

Also i think if i were to keep a journal like that i would start using it to tell him what i want and why i did not like something He did... and it would turn into some tool to manipulate Him rather than a truthful account of my day, eventhough i might mean every word i write... it would be with a purpose i suppose...

I do write Him emails and letters at times... writing does allow me to stay to the point and be as clear as i can be, while talking quite often seems to confuse me and i end up in a muddle with no idea what i wanted to say anymore

I would very much like to read any (manipulative) thing He would like to write me... and i have requested some writing of Him in the past... not a journal of course, but something much smaller like a letter or email... but He can not be bothered with it unfortunately... and i do think that is a bit naf, but there you go

< Message edited by ranja -- 9/26/2009 3:04:25 AM >

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 31

RE: Journals - 9/26/2009 4:50:44 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

It's an interesting question, but I think it may fly in the face of an authority based relationship, plus it's probably not needed because when a submissive says/does something they get feedback-both good and bad-so they know where they stand.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 32

RE: Journals - 9/26/2009 5:02:38 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

After a relationship reaches a certain point, the communication flows freely face to face or with emails. The writer has a need to let the other person know what’s important in his/her life. It gives validation to the worries and desires we all have. Saying the words to someone you believe understands is comforting.

Early on mutual journals could be a good thing although I choose to skip that stage in favor of emails, messaging and such. I believe emails with those in close relationships actually surpass a formal journal in forthrightness. But the premise that we all need to tell someone our feelings is accurate. The subtle influence of emails where you tell your private thoughts will subtly enhance a D/s relationship from both sides.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 33

RE: Journals - 9/26/2009 5:07:50 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Would I keep a journal? No. Is anything wrong with doing so? No.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 34

RE: Journals - 9/26/2009 7:52:29 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I believe in journals for slaves. Should a slave "require" me to keep one only indicates he/she is in the wrong dynamic and need to think again. By the very nature of the dynamic I have there can never be equality it is just not based on such a thought.

As to my communicating things which me be troubling me, I work on a need to know bases with my wife and fellow Dominant in my home needing to know 80% of things the remaining are nothing to do with her and she is safer not knowing them. Simple isn't it?

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 35

RE: Journals - 9/27/2009 5:09:54 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Journals never worked for me. Talking to myself just isn't helpful.

I didn't journal, I wrote him emails. And I got answers back with his thoughts on the subject and on other subjects.

A dialogue works better for us.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to looking4princess)

Post #: 36

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Journals

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078