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I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 7:56:38 AM

TearsofLove92

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/6/2009
Status: offline

I have recentley got back together with a girl I have dated for a year. We had a very long talk (15 hours straight), and I have decided this is the best thing for me at the time.

Here's what I need help with.

She is very open to having a D/S relationship, but she makes the common mistake of it being all about the sex life. For those who know me, I chose to be a virgin until marriage, and she respects that, but also "likes sex".

I have tried to explain that D/S isn't all about the sex life, and I have tried to look up some powerful writings for a new submissive to read, but most of them seem to be angry towards the fake in the overall community.

I'm asking you, the reader, to write out some good tips for a new slave, and hopefully this thread can grow and grow.

Thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 8:02:17 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

She ain't neither a slave nor a submissive, that much is obvious to me from the scarce information that you provided.

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 2

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 8:19:25 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TearsofLove92

She is very open to having a D/S relationship, but she makes the common mistake of it being all about the sex life. For those who know me, I chose to be a virgin until marriage, and she respects that, but also "likes sex".

I have tried to explain that D/S isn't all about the sex life, and I have tried to look up some powerful writings for a new submissive to read, but most of them seem to be angry towards the fake in the overall community.

I'm asking you, the reader, to write out some good tips for a new slave, and hopefully this thread can grow and grow.

i'm curious as to why you're discounting her theories. there are many that are comfortable submitting in the bedroom and have no desire for it to extend beyond that realm. there's also the fact that you're getting involved with someone that likes sex and you're making an attempt to curtail this. unless she has a proclivity towards celibacy or has a strong desire to adhere to your will, i suspect problems may occur. you can attempt to provide the mental/emotional/and spiritual elements of the submission, but if she's craving the physical and you refuse to provide that in the manner that she wishes, then what?

there's another thing, considering your sexual stance, i would guess your dating preferences should be different as well. it would seem more feasible that you would become involved with marriage minded young women that had a desire to yield to their men or at the very least saw him as the figure head. it is almost a crap shot to introduce a subject with sexual overtones to a person that enjoys physical intimacy and to state in another breath, no sex. it is the proverbial carrot that you're dangling that she'll eventually grow tired of.

from one celibate to another, i'd suggest you consider mating with someone who shares your line of thinking. abstinence takes a lot of discipline and while some can do it for short periods of time, remaining that way for an extended duration is usually something most would prefer to avoid. assuming you expect her to go without as well. whatever the case i suggest patience, practicality, and the recognition that you're taking a vanilla girl and trying to bring her into something she might enjoy in theory, but dislike in the long run. good luck.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 3

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 8:25:30 AM

Moonhead

Posts: 16520
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline

Perhaps rather than hoping to get a consensus of advice from this board (where there's a lot of differing opinions) you'd be better off getting her a copy of one of the introductory type books on BDSM? Master nage's primer on maledom or When Somebody You Love Is Kinky might be good starting points.

_____________________________

I like to think he was eaten by rats, in the dark, during a fog. It's what he would have wanted...
(Simon R Green on the late James Herbert)

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 4

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 9:36:50 AM

TearsofLove92

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/6/2009
Status: offline

After posting this thread, her and myself had a conversation for about an hour and a half.

We went over the basic communication between us as far as D/S goes, set an outline on a punishment and reward system, and went over some other things.

The thing I didn't realize, and neither did she, until now, is that the whole time we were together, she was already submitting, though we never really thought of it as D/S because it came so naturally to both of us.

I'll have more on this later as we progress, but for now, we are off to a munch here in the area for another fetish community that we are a part of.
Dewey's Pizza, hopefully this goes well.

As I said, I will post a lot more on all of this much later on as I realize things I never appreciated to this extent, and she realizes things she has given just because it is natural to her.

(in reply to Moonhead)

Post #: 5

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 9:54:44 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

You've poo-pooed a fundamental need that she's expressed: sex.
Also, if you look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, it's pretty freakin' fundamental.
Sooooo, understanding that your stance is actually the more atypical and hers is more human nature-based, a little consideration?!
Davan

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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

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(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 6

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 11:39:34 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

No offense or anything and I'm not here to give advice..I'm just merely wondering...do you always time your conversations?

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(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 7

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 11:44:35 AM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TearsofLove92

I have recentley got back together with a girl I have dated for a year. We had a very long talk (15 hours straight), and I have decided this is the best thing for me at the time.

Here's what I need help with.

She is very open to having a D/S relationship, but she makes the common mistake of it being all about the sex life. For those who know me, I chose to be a virgin until marriage, and she respects that, but also "likes sex".

I have tried to explain that D/S isn't all about the sex life, and I have tried to look up some powerful writings for a new submissive to read, but most of them seem to be angry towards the fake in the overall community.

I'm asking you, the reader, to write out some good tips for a new slave, and hopefully this thread can grow and grow.

Thanks.

I don't know if there's a way to read a book to correct this. (My previous girlfriend was similar to this - with B&D only being worthwhile to her if they lead to sex.) Even so, it's not so much a "mistake" on her part so much as a personal preference.

I don't think there's a way to force someone to be aroused by BDSM, rather than sex, if that's not their thing.

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 8

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 11:47:36 AM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TearsofLove92

After posting this thread, her and myself had a conversation for about an hour and a half.

We went over the basic communication between us as far as D/S goes, set an outline on a punishment and reward system, and went over some other things.

The thing I didn't realize, and neither did she, until now, is that the whole time we were together, she was already submitting, though we never really thought of it as D/S because it came so naturally to both of us.

I'll have more on this later as we progress, but for now, we are off to a munch here in the area for another fetish community that we are a part of.
Dewey's Pizza, hopefully this goes well.

As I said, I will post a lot more on all of this much later on as I realize things I never appreciated to this extent, and she realizes things she has given just because it is natural to her.

Oh... well that's what I get for responding to just the OP.

I'm glad you worked something out. But I'm leaving my previous post because I still think there are situations where my advise stands.

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 9

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 11:48:32 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

Fifteen hours is a filibuster, not a conversation.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 10

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 11:50:10 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

well, yeah------especially if he can talk her into being a toilet slave in an hour and a half....what a waste of fifteen hours in which you coulda been getting head.........

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 11

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 11:52:23 AM

Moonhead

Posts: 16520
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline

It takes you fifteen hours? Is this that tantra business Sting is into or something?

_____________________________

I like to think he was eaten by rats, in the dark, during a fog. It's what he would have wanted...
(Simon R Green on the late James Herbert)

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 12

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 12:11:24 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

a life time ago i had a boyfriend who did not wanna get jiggy... just heavy petting... soon after the novelty of the selfcontrol on his part had worn off, i thought it was freaking weird and highly frustrating.
It just seemed he was scared or something... and if i weren't the 'right' girl, then what the hell was he wasting our time for?... eventually i had to dump the guy, i just did not get him at all...

virgin by choice... cunt teaser more like

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 13

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 12:31:59 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

well, yeah------especially if he can talk her into being a toilet slave in an hour and a half....what a waste of fifteen hours in which you coulda been getting head.........

are you speaking from experience on that one mister guru?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

It just seemed he was scared or something... and if i weren't the 'right' girl, then what the hell was he wasting our time for?... eventually i had to dump the guy, i just did not get him at all...
virgin by choice... cunt teaser more like

this is where the op lost me as well. i know people that do this for religious reasons but they usually don't expose themselves to anything that would arouse those thoughts. it seems in his situation he's providing a tease as you've mentioned, which he probably finds appealing. but i'd think the other person would be ready to slug him after a while if she didn't bail.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 14

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 12:54:46 PM

bliss4us09

Posts: 106
Joined: 3/31/2009
Status: offline

I wonder if you think you're celibacy should be binding on her. After all, if she "likes sex" you could use her sexual gratification as a reward to her if she serves you well without your having sex with her. Doing this for her might also be a good test of how committed you really are to your own celibacy.

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 15

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 1:01:09 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

Try this article OP, it might help get the idea across to her. http://www.submissivewomenspeak.net/healthysub.htm

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Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to bliss4us09)

Post #: 16

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 1:05:18 PM

DePubed

Posts: 71
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

There is only one way for respect to be shown BOTH to YOUR need to remain a virgin until marriage, and to HER need for 'sex':
To focus on 'erotic'/'sexual' experiences which do not involve your penis.
How do you define, for yourself, what remaining a virgin until marriage entails? Are you still a virgin if you kiss someone? What if you kiss their breast? what if you kiss their ass? what if you kiss their vagina?
If, for you, to remain a virgin is to keep your penis out of any interpersonal activity, that is your choice; but why cant you use a dildo, or strap-on penis, or a buttplug, etc. to pleasure her vagina and other body parts. If it is PENETRATION that she needs, and you cannot do PENIS penetration (and still remain a virgin) why cant you explore using your fingers, tongue, and fake cocks to penetrate her with.
I dont actually why you each cant have what you want: She gets 'sex'(as in penetration and vagina pleasure) and you get 'no sex' (because you dont use your cock).

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 17

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 3:24:14 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DePubed

There is only one way for respect to be shown BOTH to YOUR need to remain a virgin until marriage, and to HER need for 'sex':
To focus on 'erotic'/'sexual' experiences which do not involve your penis.
How do you define, for yourself, what remaining a virgin until marriage entails? Are you still a virgin if you kiss someone? What if you kiss their breast? what if you kiss their ass? what if you kiss their vagina?
If, for you, to remain a virgin is to keep your penis out of any interpersonal activity, that is your choice; but why cant you use a dildo, or strap-on penis, or a buttplug, etc. to pleasure her vagina and other body parts. If it is PENETRATION that she needs, and you cannot do PENIS penetration (and still remain a virgin) why cant you explore using your fingers, tongue, and fake cocks to penetrate her with.
I dont actually why you each cant have what you want: She gets 'sex'(as in penetration and vagina pleasure) and you get 'no sex' (because you dont use your cock).

What he said, OP.

What are the limits of your virginity???

Is oral sex of any kind allowed- either to be done to you or her? Are hand jobs, by or to either of you, allowed?

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(in reply to DePubed)

Post #: 18

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 4:14:52 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

stick your dick in her mouth right fuckin' now, she will suck it, and god can't hardly see that as being wrong...............................it will be no national shrine to say, here lies a virgin. And if you think your dick is a gift of mastery or submission, remember that them girls poop out ten pound bowling balls outta there every day, so you ain't tearing nothing up, nor are you taking advantage of their stupidity, their pussy is wrapped around little Franz Hollenhefterenstein because they planned that shit when you where still pounding your pud thinking, god, if she only knew how I felt, cunts are quick to pick up on that shit, pal.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 19

RE: I need some help guys. - 9/26/2009 5:40:37 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I once knew a guy who considered himself a virgin unto marraige because he didn't put his penis in her vagina. ..... now , her anus was another thing. Apparently the anus wasn't really having sexual intercourse!

Fot that matter OP, you could find her a friend with priviliges. That way you stay a virgin, and she gets some. And you could tell her that you require it, so it would be part of your power exchange.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 20

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