RE: faithful

RE: faithful (Full Version)

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krikket -> RE: faithful (9/26/2009 8:21:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly if you lose him to your insecurities simply by telling him what they are, you have lost nothing. i should either tatoo this to the inside of my eyelids or needlepoint the words on a pillow..lol Thanks for the reminder. :)

Acer49 -> RE: faithful (9/27/2009 5:58:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bleedingluv i am curious as to why my daddy/dom would need to chat with other subs, even after committing totally to me? this is not a whine ..i just need to understand I don't know, common intests comes to mind, maybe he looking for some insight in how to handle you? And there is a difference in need and want, which is it?

littlewonder -> RE: faithful (9/27/2009 10:37:50 AM)
Did you agree upon monogamy? Did he say to you "I only want you and no one else"? Sounds to me like you both have a lot of communication problems. Ask him this, not us.

worthlesstrash -> RE: faithful (9/27/2009 10:50:26 AM)
I think that it was Agirl that said something about you possibly have different ideas about faithful than your dom. I have that with M and we are even married. He likes to talk to other women, he has more women friends than I do, and he doesn't see anything wrong with it. He finds new women on here and chats them up, the perv even asks for nudie pics once in awhile just for the heck of it (though he never gets them..haha). Now, to me..this is cheating. To him as long as he isn't having sex (oral and otherwise) with them, he is doing nothing wrong. Now..which one of us is right? We both are. We just have different ideas of what constitutes stepping out. I believe that emotional cheating is just as dangerous as any other. He doesn't consider it emotional cheating because in his world he doesn't plan on ever doing anything with them. The thing I have learned is that if he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, he isn't. It doesn't matter how much talking you do, how much begging to stop, he will continue doing what he does. I know that for myself, I have had to learn when to make a big deal out of things and when not to. If he is just saying hi to someone, talking, etc..I will just keep my mouth shut. Now, when it turns into talking to one of his friends online for 3 or more hrs a night when I am sitting there by myself, then we have to talk about it. Since I have been open with him, he is getting better about things. I just had to learn to pick my battles and to not let my insecurity that he is always trying to replace me rear it's ugly head. When I am going to bring something up, I try to walk away and gather my thoughts. What exactly about this situation is bothering me? Is it just my fear or is there an actual problem? I have been having that song "hang on loosely, but don't let go" floating through my head a lot as of late. I give my M his space and with that, I believe we are getting closer. It's just both of us learning what's important in our relationship and the work that goes into it. I don't know how long you have been with him, nor your circumstances. If it's the very beginning and you already know it bothers you this much, I would take a long hard look at it. I would talk to him about it, and if you are that scared to even bring it up...something else needs to be taken care of also. Best Wishes

DesFIP -> RE: faithful (9/27/2009 11:09:07 AM)
The Man also figures it isn't cheating if he isn't planning on meeting her. Me? Cyber sex is still sex and I'm not having that with anyone but him. Now on those nights when he can't sleep and is up at 2:00AM he may well be in a chat room somewhere. If so, I don't know about it and he isn't cruel enough to shove it in my face that some girl in Oklahoma claims she wants to fuck him. He isn't corresponding one on one with her, he isn't leaving me to sit alone at dinner while he talks to her. My needs are met including the need to not have my insecurity buttons be pushed. If time he should be spending with you is instead being spent with others, then it may mean that he simply prefers pretend relationships where he doesn't have to be a good person with good communication skills. It's easier to be in a cyber relationship than a real one. If he chooses that over the real one, just accept that and move on. Find yourself someone who isn't afraid of a real live woman instead. But stop making him a priority when he makes you an option.

slaveluci -> RE: faithful (9/27/2009 4:35:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly if you lose him to your insecurities simply by telling him what they are, you have lost nothing. [sm=bowdown.gif] Sage advice, holly...........luci

winterlight -> RE: faithful (9/27/2009 6:46:34 PM)
Best thing to do is ask HIM... If He is looking for another and you aren't into Poly then you best be prepared.. Best to be prepared no matter what the answer is.... always have a back up plan.

DavanKael -> RE: faithful (9/27/2009 10:10:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail DavanKael, are you telling me the brady bunch wasn't poly? thumbing thru the phone book looking for childhood trauma therapists Ron Hmmm, makes one look at that family dynamic in a whole new light, Ron, lol! Davan

petmonkey -> RE: faithful (9/28/2009 4:36:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: ORIGINAL: bleedingluv As always ...afraid to ask...i dont want to lose him to my insecurities if you lose him to your insecurities simply by telling him what they are, you have lost nothing. Amen to that!

allthatjaz -> RE: faithful (9/28/2009 3:13:45 PM)
I know of too many men that love the chase. They have the woman that they so eagerly persued but almost as soon as they have them they are back on that computer and searching again. I personally don't believe its because they are dissatisfied with the woman they have found but because they just enjoy the chase. There could be many reasons for this . They maybe don't know what to do with the woman they have got. . Don't know how to progress beyond the wooing. . Always having a back up plan just in case the first one walks away. . Just get a thrill or an ego boost from the chase. . Permanently insecure about there virility. If he is looking for poly then simply he should be discussing that with you. Personally I wouldn't tolerate it. To me this is no different than him turning his back on you in a bar to talk to the chick on the other side.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: faithful (9/28/2009 3:50:02 PM)
~Fast Reply~ To me, being "faithful" means being honest about the commitments I make. If I haven't spelled something out, then it is NOT promised, regardless of what someone may want to -presume-. As an example, if I offer a collar, I will tell the individual -exactly- what that means in terms of the dynamic between us. In the same way, if I were -ever- to consider marriage again, what that meant to us would be spelled out, especially in touchy areas like social interaction outside of our relationship, etc., but if I it wasn't spelled out, and there was a question, I would expect to be asked, not have strangers speculate on my behalf. Also, being 'faithful' is a two-way street -- it means giving as well as receiving "good faith" in the relationship -- so if this is someone you're too afraid and insecure to be honest with about what you're feeling and thinking and experiencing, how can you possibly expect to have a 'faith-full' relationship? Dame Calla

barelynangel -> RE: faithful (9/28/2009 4:35:28 PM)
quote: always great advice, have no one else in my life that i can discuss these issues with Umm yeah you do, the other person is the Dom in your life. Seriously, its time to speak with him even if its, okay i know i am sounding really insecure here BUT.... If you choose NOT to speak with your dom, then you aren't being fair to him or yourself, because eventually your insecurity is going to start howing itself in how you interact with him. angel

bleedingluv -> RE: faithful (9/28/2009 6:18:39 PM)
Well said! And I agree, after loooong deliberation over the subject. He is, like all of us, a highly sexual being, and thank god he is. No, I wouldn't want him to be anything else. I liked when you had said that quote: The thing I have learned is that if he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, he isn't. It doesn't matter how much talking you do, how much begging to stop, he will continue doing what he does. I know that for myself, I have had to learn when to make a big deal out of things and when not to. I think that is so true. I have to be strong because he is committed to me and I will and must believe that, or this can never work out. I want it to work out Thank you

bleedingluv -> RE: faithful (9/29/2009 3:06:40 AM)
just working up the nerve

bleedingluv -> RE: faithful (9/29/2009 3:09:14 AM)
I believe that to be true. We are all looking for something , acceptance, love, a slapandtickle....whatever... why else be on here?

Acer49 -> RE: faithful (10/3/2009 7:39:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: worthlesstrash I think that it was Agirl that said something about you possibly have different ideas about faithful than your dom. I have that with M and we are even married. He likes to talk to other women, he has more women friends than I do, and he doesn't see anything wrong with it. He finds new women on here and chats them up, the perv even asks for nudie pics once in awhile just for the heck of it (though he never gets them..haha). Now, to me..this is cheating. To him as long as he isn't having sex (oral and otherwise) with them, he is doing nothing wrong. Now..which one of us is right? We both are. We just have different ideas of what constitutes stepping out. I believe that emotional cheating is just as dangerous as any other. He doesn't consider it emotional cheating because in his world he doesn't plan on ever doing anything with them. The thing I have learned is that if he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, he isn't. It doesn't matter how much talking you do, how much begging to stop, he will continue doing what he does. I know that for myself, I have had to learn when to make a big deal out of things and when not to. If he is just saying hi to someone, talking, etc..I will just keep my mouth shut. Now, when it turns into talking to one of his friends online for 3 or more hrs a night when I am sitting there by myself, then we have to talk about it. Since I have been open with him, he is getting better about things. I just had to learn to pick my battles and to not let my insecurity that he is always trying to replace me rear it's ugly head. When I am going to bring something up, I try to walk away and gather my thoughts. What exactly about this situation is bothering me? Is it just my fear or is there an actual problem? I have been having that song "hang on loosely, but don't let go" floating through my head a lot as of late. I give my M his space and with that, I believe we are getting closer. It's just both of us learning what's important in our relationship and the work that goes into it. I don't know how long you have been with him, nor your circumstances. If it's the very beginning and you already know it bothers you this much, I would take a long hard look at it. I would talk to him about it, and if you are that scared to even bring it up...something else needs to be taken care of also. Best Wishes looking around, chatting on the internet, but you know where he lays his head each night. And for those who are insecure, you need to get those issues resolved

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