RE: How do I answer his daughter?

RE: How do I answer his daughter? (Full Version)

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sublace -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/27/2009 1:34:25 PM)
MarieQ - Do you think his organs are irreversibly damaged? How do you feel about that? (excuse the probing question, just curious) The girl may be happy very soon as an only child. Lots of love and extra attention. Don't count out her mother and stepfather so fast. Her mother can advise on how to speak with her daughter. It's not all up to you. Adoption is an excellent idea! Childfree is a preferable word. thanks

allthatjaz -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/27/2009 2:38:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MarieQ Hi, new here. I don't know if I plan on stickiing around, I just needed some advice. I've been with my sub for about three years now, and his daughter who is seven, has become quite attached to me. She practically never leaves my side lol. I don't mind, I think she's great, but here's the problem. My sub and I as part of our play, do lCBT and ball busting pretty frequently. This has been going on since about a year before we actually became a couple, so for about four years. We play hard and rough. So anyways, for a long while now, my subs daughter has been asking us, and me specifically about having a baby so she can have a little sister or brother. She wants one very badly, which I guess isnt uncommon for a child her age. Her mother and stepfather also haven't had a child, so my subs daughter is still an only child on both sides. Just the other day she tried getting me to promise to have a baby soon lol. But me and my sub have decided not to have children. Well actually, I decided that, he wasn't really 100 percet against the idea. But now, after thinking about it more and more, I am not completely off the idea anymore. I have begun to maybe, perhaps, just possibly consider starting a family. Having such a great relationship with his daughter has definitely startedto change my mind I think. The real problem is, that afther four years of harsh CBT and ballbusting, I'm not even sure my sub is capable of fathering anything. I suppose we will have to get some tests done, but if it turns out he can't have children anymore, and i decide that I want to, am I ethically bound to spend the rest of my life childless? And if he really is sterile, how am I ever going to explain to my stepdaughter that she will never have a brother or sister? A decision to have a child is a huge one and not one that should be persuaded by another offspring. It sounds to me like your not at all sure if you want a child or not. You need to at least get to the stage where you both really want to go ahead. If you do reach that stage then you may well find that you conceive naturally. I say both because this child that has not yet been conceived is nothing to do with a Domme/sub dynamic and it would be wrong to bring a child into the world on that basis.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/27/2009 2:53:51 PM)
OP: What about you? [8\|] Don't just assume that you are fertile, etc.

mnottertail -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/27/2009 2:55:08 PM)
you just say, perhaps someday....that's how you answer her. CCR

windchymes -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/27/2009 3:59:07 PM)
I'm going to take the practical approach [:)]......a semen analysis exam is a relatively simple and quick test to check his fertility. Chances are, if he's fathered a daughter, he's probably able to father more. It usually takes a LOT of trauma for a guy to be left infertile because of it. I would just get him tested there first, and then deal with the other issues IF they arise.

Loki45 -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/27/2009 4:01:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MarieQ The real problem is, that afther four years of harsh CBT and ballbusting, I'm not even sure my sub is capable of fathering anything. I suppose we will have to get some tests done, but if it turns out he can't have children anymore, and i decide that I want to, am I ethically bound to spend the rest of my life childless? Here we have yet another example of why I am, and shall remain single. You've spent four years possibly ensuring this man can't father another child, and now....you feel you might want them. And your only concern is whether or not you're 'ethically bound' to remain childless (a nice way of saying do you have to stay with the guy who's goods you fucked up). Unbelievable.

Sunnyfey -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/27/2009 4:03:12 PM)
Why would you tell a child he was not conceived naturally? Whats the point? To me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do. Sorry that was kind of off topic, but... I vote for adoption also. Why go through all 9 months of pregnancy, when you can adopt a beautiful healthy child who has no family? (nothing against any biological moms here [:)] it's just my view point)

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/27/2009 5:10:03 PM)
quote: Why would you tell a child he was not conceived naturally? Whats the point? To me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do. I would tell a child because I believe that gentle honesty, without shame or implied "imperfection" alleviates the societal stigma attached to these kinds of choices. It is only a "shitty" thing to do if it is done hatefully -- if it is done gently, from birth, and with love, presenting it as another viable and loving option for individuals who very much want to actually -give birth- to a child but who are not able to conceive, it will, IME, give a child a sense not only that xhe is valued, but that hir birth was not an aberration or 'mistake', but was a conscious choice, carefully made. I think that being lovingly and gently honest with our children about themselves is a positive, loving thing. Hiding and acting as if one is ashamed of how one conceived the child that one wanted very much.... not so much. Same for adoption -- letting a child know that you were searching for a child, and circumstance provided the perfect child to love is good for child, parents, and family as a whole, IMO. Dame Calla

ranja -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 1:20:28 AM)
again very much my line of thinking

sirsholly -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 1:25:09 AM)
quote: Why would you tell a child he was not conceived naturally? Whats the point? To me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do. health history, if a donor is involved.

antipode -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 5:39:27 AM)
quote: She wants one very badly, which I guess isnt uncommon for a child her age I don't know what would make you think that.... You could either be engaging in some wishful thinking, or the child is being used to manipulate you. Children don't go and hassle third parties for siblings unless they have some good reason.

agirl -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 5:58:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey Why would you tell a child he was not conceived naturally? Whats the point? To me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do. Sorry that was kind of off topic, but... I vote for adoption also. Why go through all 9 months of pregnancy, when you can adopt a beautiful healthy child who has no family? (nothing against any biological moms here [:)] it's just my view point) Two things here.......Why NOT tell a child he wasn't conceived naturally? Why on earth is it a shitty thing to do. It's just a fact. It's not some dirty secret, or shouldn't be. The fact that there are millions of children without families is not a reason to adopt. It takes a certain type of person to adopt a child and not many people are up to it. It's not a rosy * here's your infant* scenario. Infants are not easy to come by. A child that's been in care, no matter how healthy and beautiful it is, has often been through various emotional traumas. There are altogether a host of problems and complications associated with adopting that aren't there when having your own child. The reason people go to great lengths to have their OWN child is the same reason you or I want the same thing. The nine months of pregnancy brings it's own pleasures and rewards and isn't comparable to adopting. agirl

RCdc -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 6:41:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey Why would you tell a child he was not conceived naturally? Whats the point? To me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do. Sorry that was kind of off topic, but... I vote for adoption also. Why go through all 9 months of pregnancy, when you can adopt a beautiful healthy child who has no family? (nothing against any biological moms here [:)] it's just my view point) Because lying to anyone sucks. Do you advocate lying? To me, lying is pretty shitty. And as for the adoption route - why is only a beautiful healthy child with no family up for consideration? I am going to assume you didn't mean it that way Sunny, but adoption comes with sooooooo many of it's own difficulties and not all adoptable children are healthy. Would you advocate lying to the adopted child as well? Does anyone even consider what might happen in the future with any child adopted, even if the child is a baby? I am surprised some people are even suggesting it in this instance - to a person whom has problems with even speaking to her partners child as well as questioning her own ethics. the.dark.

RCdc -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 6:51:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frazzle FR Since when does a 7 year old have any say about other children. That is the parents choice. I find this ridiculous. For anyone to just say 'it's the parents choice' and disregard the effect it can have on a family or children who are already part of that family is mind boggling to me. No wonder there are so many fucked up children in the world when adults telling other adults to act like adults and come out with such an immature and unthoughtful disregard of feelings. the.dark.

AquaticSub -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 6:53:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MarieQ I suppose we will have to get some tests done, but if it turns out he can't have children anymore, and i decide that I want to, am I ethically bound to spend the rest of my life childless? And if he really is sterile, how am I ever going to explain to my stepdaughter that she will never have a brother or sister? Nothing wrong with adoption. [:)]

AquaticSub -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 6:55:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Acer49 quote: ORIGINAL: MarieQ In this relationship, I definitely do make the decisions. I listen to his opinions and whatnot, but as the Domme, such a decision would ulitmately be mine to make. I was just wondering about the ehticality of it I guess. And if by some chance, I am obligated to use a donor, would I be ethically obligated to tell my stepdaughter that her 'sister' is not biologically related to her? (i.e. not her fathers actual issue) I mean, something like that is pretty major. Well I suppose that depends if you are going to tell the child that he came from a test tube. I know of a child that was born this way, he did not take it real well when he learned of his origin. On the flip side, Valyraen was born using a surrogate mother and he has a fanastic relationship with his parents. The woman who was the surrogate is still friends with the family though she has never considered him a son or had maternal feelings towards him and he has never considered her a mother. His Mom is the woman who put band-aids on his skinned knee. They also never hid this from him and he knew from a very early age.

sirsholly -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 6:58:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: frazzle FR Since when does a 7 year old have any say about other children. That is the parents choice. I find this ridiculous. For anyone to just say 'it's the parents choice' and disregard the effect it can have on a family or children who are already part of that family is mind boggling to me. the key here is "family". Not one member is more/less important then the next, or deserves less respect, no matter what the age. Granted you will not sit down and explain infertility on a technical level to a child, but there are age appropriate ways to do so. It is just my opinion, but i see it as completely disrespectful to the child not to answer their questions.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 7:09:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode quote: She wants one very badly, which I guess isnt uncommon for a child her age I don't know what would make you think that.... You could either be engaging in some wishful thinking, or the child is being used to manipulate you. Children don't go and hassle third parties for siblings unless they have some good reason. Um... not necessarily true. My oldest asked on nearly a daily basis for a sibling from the time he was three-- he didn't even care what gender. He just wanted a little brother or sister... and he was a downright -pest- about it, even asking my ex's platoon sergeant to -order- his father and me to have a baby brother or sister for him. LOL DC

AquaticSub -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 7:12:17 AM)
Val actively wanted a brother when he was a kid. Part of the reason they decided to adopt another child, something that has also worked out really well for his family. [:)]

sirsholly -> RE: How do I answer his daughter? (9/28/2009 7:15:41 AM)
quote: My oldest asked on nearly a daily basis for a sibling from the time he was three-- he didn't even care what gender. He just wanted a little brother or sister... and he was a downright -pest- about it, even asking my ex's platoon sergeant to -order- his father and me to have a baby brother or sister for him. LOL [:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]

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