RE: Concern ... or control?

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RE: Concern ... or control? - 9/29/2009 6:11:52 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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It doesnt appear to be a ds issue. You are not his submissive so "offering advice" to a dominant wouldn't be any different than offering advice to a friend. And when a friend tells you to butt out, that is what you do, or risk not having that friend for long.

(in reply to aldompdx)

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RE: Concern ... or control? - 9/29/2009 6:45:09 AM

MindOvrMatter

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

I do not believe that giving one's opinion is controlling and it all boils down to one's motives. I welcome any submissive I am with to give me her opinion, but it's when she begins to assert that opinion in a such a way to try to mold my beliefs around hers, is when it turns into obstinance and unwelcoming to me. Every relationship has boundaries, whether they are plainly stated or merely assumed. In your 'friendship' with this man, he set a boundary when you stated that he "didn't appreciate your being so critical". That's a nice way of saying "Back of bitch" IMHO. Of course, I'm sure that he had this thought in an endearing way...maybe.

Let's be real here and admit that it's not a question about being too critical versus having concern. It's a question of delivery and approach. Any true friend is usually going to welcome some voicing of concern and a bit of constructive criticism at times, but no one wants to constantly be berated by another's EGO. As with everything in life, a little bit of prudence and tact go a long way in our interpersonal communication.

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RE: Concern ... or control? - 9/29/2009 6:59:23 AM

oceanwyndsLoves

Posts: 44
Joined: 9/15/2009
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Personally I have had to set boundaries around me and let a couple friends know where the line was drawn. These people thought that their opinion should come first, and usually they voiced their 'concerns' in a way that was a put down to me. I have made changes in my life, and if they need to bring up past mistakes of mine be it in any area of my life, then I feel they really are not looking after my best interest. They are wanting to control me, and this I cannot permit in my life anymore. Only Sir has that right. I am an adult and mistakes will be made, which offers me opportunity to learn.

blessings
oceanwynds

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