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Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/28/2009 9:29:51 AM   
FW


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/3/2009
Status: offline 		Hi!

I was wondering how does being humiliated could  become a turn-on: I know that this won't be true for everybody, and that the mechanisms are different, but I'd like to understand if there is a common mental "pathway"...

Thanks!
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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/28/2009 2:47:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		There is nothing that works exactly the same for everyone.

Some people wish to use this as psychodrama, to relive bad experiences and have them come out right this time.
Others want to see how tough they are, and to take more to make them stronger.

There are as many different pathways as there are people doing it.

BTW this is a slippery slope for you. The more you delve into this, the less satisfied you will be with your vanilla marriage. Spending time here will be like a kid with his nose to the bakery window, it makes you more hungry not less.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/28/2009 3:01:30 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Well, when she tells me that I mix a lousy martini, I don't get turned on.

On the other hand, I do get turned on to the idea of what I will endure to please her.

Her expression of power over me and my recognition of and submission to her power are what do it for me.

Mike
SnowRanger


_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/28/2009 3:18:29 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FW

Hi!

I was wondering how does being humiliated could  become a turn-on: I know that this won't be true for everybody, and that the mechanisms are different, but I'd like to understand if there is a common mental "pathway"...


being forcibly taken from my comfort zone and made to see and acknowledge what i am is a huge turn on. whether this is communicated verbally or physically doesn't matter, though both are usually involved. it is because i'm conservative, respectable, and a lady and he chooses to rip those things away and reveal what is left. the unknown, hidden, and intentionally repressed aspects of my sexuality and personality and brings them to the forefront.

it is humiliating because his words are calm, biting, and searing my mind with the truth called him. resistance and denial are futile because i recognize internally he's correct. i prefer to receive my humiliation along these lines. it is a much bigger mind fuck than someone merely saying random stuff to me that my brain will quickly discount. what usually follows is more debasement that generally leads to objectification. whereby he uses what's his. be it the slave or the "being" he's made her into. she loses her identity and simply becomes the clay he bends at will. it is the process of being reduced from this to "that" and all that falls between that i enjoy immensely.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/28/2009 3:50:35 PM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		Simplify it. Think about a comment in a sexual setting that made you blush but also turned you on.

It's the same thing. Some of it is the physical flushing, some of it is the adrenaline from the fear of "OMG!" you get. 

But some people may have neither - they may hate the physical feelings, but love pleasing their dominant.

Not everyone's cup of tea, but for some folks it sets off fireworks.

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/28/2009 8:10:23 PM   
ncbabe


Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine


being forcibly taken from my comfort zone and made to see and acknowledge what i am is a huge turn on. whether this is communicated verbally or physically doesn't matter, though both are usually involved. it is because i'm conservative, respectable, and a lady and he chooses to rip those things away and reveal what is left. the unknown, hidden, and intentionally repressed aspects of my sexuality and personality and brings them to the forefront.

it is humiliating because his words are calm, biting, and searing my mind with the truth called him. resistance and denial are futile because i recognize internally he's correct. i prefer to receive my humiliation along these lines. it is a much bigger mind fuck than someone merely saying random stuff to me that my brain will quickly discount. what usually follows is more debasement that generally leads to objectification. whereby he uses what's his. be it the slave or the "being" he's made her into. she loses her identity and simply becomes the clay he bends at will. it is the process of being reduced from this to "that" and all that falls between that i enjoy immensely.

porcelaine



This was beautifully written and exactly how I experience it. Thank you, porcelaine.

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/28/2009 9:16:27 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FW

Hi!

I was wondering how does being humiliated become a turn-on...



I must admit, for as long as I've been part of this "thing", that particular idea never made sense to me. Humiliation—real humiliation—isn't something I can see eroticizing, and to be truthful, I've never seen anyone "turned on" by being truly humiliated (and trust in that I've seen more than my fair share of it over the past few years). What I have seen among some is a sense of "I'm on center stage and all the lights are on me" sort of thing, which can lead to a strange catharsis of sorts, despite the ordeals they suffer. If that's what one would classify as "turned on", then I suppose I have seen it.

Then there is of course erotic humiliation / psychosexual drama, which is really about being exposed and being stripped bare; being "forced" to—or more accurately, given permission to—embrace an internal desire that you are too proud / shy / meek / [fill in the blank] to act out of your own accord, or are unable to enact without another to project your sacred fantasy upon. I feel most are referring to this process when speaking of "humiliation".




< Message edited by MarcEsadrian -- 9/28/2009 9:39:40 PM >

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/29/2009 1:57:39 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ncbabe


quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine


being forcibly taken from my comfort zone and made to see and acknowledge what i am is a huge turn on. whether this is communicated verbally or physically doesn't matter, though both are usually involved. it is because i'm conservative, respectable, and a lady and he chooses to rip those things away and reveal what is left. the unknown, hidden, and intentionally repressed aspects of my sexuality and personality and brings them to the forefront.

it is humiliating because his words are calm, biting, and searing my mind with the truth called him. resistance and denial are futile because i recognize internally he's correct. i prefer to receive my humiliation along these lines. it is a much bigger mind fuck than someone merely saying random stuff to me that my brain will quickly discount. what usually follows is more debasement that generally leads to objectification. whereby he uses what's his. be it the slave or the "being" he's made her into. she loses her identity and simply becomes the clay he bends at will. it is the process of being reduced from this to "that" and all that falls between that i enjoy immensely.

porcelaine



This was beautifully written and exactly how I experience it. Thank you, porcelaine.


yes i relate to it like this too
it has nothing to do with random insults, it is Him getting at the truth that is humiliating... it is realising how depraved i truely am...

(in reply to ncbabe)
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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/29/2009 2:17:31 AM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		verbal humiliation is a huge no no here I suffered through a childhood full of it, and even the tiniest thing can cut way to deep.
Being physically humiliated is different, it is a game that I find challanging and a huge turn on, mostly because I enter the space where I know the activity gives him immense pleasure despite the discomfort it causes me

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/29/2009 6:43:39 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ncbabe

This was beautifully written and exactly how I experience it. Thank you, porcelaine.


thank you for the compliment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

yes i relate to it like this too
it has nothing to do with random insults, it is Him getting at the truth that is humiliating... it is realising how depraved i truely am...


i accept my depravity, but there's a part of me that i love having pummeled. the one thing i yearn to have a sledgehammer taken to. going beyond the smile and pleasantries, far past the things i'll admit to and taking the one part of me that none other has ever claimed. when we reach that place it is truly like nirvana. it is really ethereal in a sense, and coincides with my need for him to mark all parts as his.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/29/2009 7:01:03 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		As far as I can tell, humiliation only works erotically if you are, on some level, ashamed of your sexual desires.

If you don't have that shame, what The Man refers to as 'Catholic guilt' although by no means is it restricted to those of that religious background, then it will not be erotically charged.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/29/2009 7:44:42 AM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting, DesFIP.  I felt like disagreeing with you, but couldn't.  I guess I feel pretty darn well-adjusted in my sexuality, so I want to be able to file off a perfectly reasonable counter to your point.  I can't.  There is some level of, if not shame, at least guilt over how deeply I am a slut, what dirty things I am willing to do, or even what things know I would be willing to do if he asked.  For me, a lot of the play with humiliation comes from my willingness to do things that don't turn me on, or at least wouldn't turn me on if my Master wasn't asking me to do them.

Interesting, though, is that I come out of humiliation play feeling proud.  However I felt when we were actually doing whatever it was, I always feel proud of what I took/did, of being his slut, of being his.  I wonder if that is often true for people.

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/29/2009 8:35:32 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		here's a recent example:
 
this slave puts together a rockin' outfit to go out in.
 
Master decides she will wear flat, boring sneakers (that do NOT go with the outfit) instead of the cool boots that go with the outfit.
 
after we go out and folks start snickering and making silly comments about the ridiculous shoes...this slave feels humiliated...but turned on at the same time because ultimately, submitting to his desires IS the turn-on...regardless of the personal "ego"-driven feelings of humiliation.
 
Master is a sadist.  He knows this slave has a passion for putting together rockin' outfits.  While He indulges her with fabulous accessories, gorgeous frocks & exquisite shoes, He also enjoys seeing people uncomfortable or put into predicaments where their extreme discomfort (mental &/or physical) causes Him pleasure.

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/29/2009 9:21:52 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

this slave feels humiliated...but turned on at the same time because ultimately, submitting to his desires IS the turn-on...regardless of the personal "ego"-driven feelings of humiliation.


oh beth! i don't envy you at all. but you bore it quite well! kudos.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/30/2009 2:43:48 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		after we go out and folks start snickering and making silly comments about the ridiculous shoes...this slave feels humiliated...but turned on at the same time because ultimately, submitting to his desires IS the turn-on...regardless of the personal "ego"-driven feelings of humiliation.

yes beth, i can relate to this too these good but bad little things to turn me on...
as He might want me to wear my hair in pigtails to go to the supermarket or something... and the parting at the back feels like it burns... or sloppy lipstick at the end of an evening... but i am driving and sober... or instead of the sexy underwear i bought...

Des it might be shame about some things but i think for me it is mostly shyness... things i won't do... i only dream about... until He pushes me... through Him and for Him i have the confidence to do these things and enjoy them with abandon... if i were to dull my senses and do these things myself somehow they would not mean a thing... and i would feel sad and pathetic instead of horny
Humiliation does not always work... i have to be sensitive to it... as always timing is everything...

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/30/2009 3:20:28 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		its odd, cos very little humiliates me - i have this brain that turns things upside down to suit my needs.  it also works against me very often too but thats another topic.  humiliation, like being made to crawl backwards with the british flag rammed up my jacksie probably wouldnt be one of my finer moments, but my brain would 'deal' with it.  so i dont really understand the whole humiliation thing either.

but i would guess that its wired up in the same way that youre wired up, just we all have different levers, buttons and fuzzy wuzzie triggers.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/30/2009 4:41:48 AM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Yes, I think humiliation can be a turn on.  Liking it doesn't negate the fact that it's still humiliation,  that's like saying if you're turned on by physical pain, it isn't really physical pain.  Humiliation is defined as an embaressment or "shame" of sorts, it's not defined as a feeling that a person dislikes. For me it falls into that whole dichotomy masochistic thing where we sometimes enjoy what we don't enjoy.  But whether we enjoy it, hate it, or have a conflict of both emotions doesn't change the fact that it's still humiliation. 

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/30/2009 5:27:39 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

here's a recent example:
 
this slave puts together a rockin' outfit to go out in.
 
Master decides she will wear flat, boring sneakers (that do NOT go with the outfit) instead of the cool boots that go with the outfit.
 
after we go out and folks start snickering and making silly comments about the ridiculous shoes...this slave feels humiliated...but turned on at the same time because ultimately, submitting to his desires IS the turn-on...regardless of the personal "ego"-driven feelings of humiliation.
 
Master is a sadist.  He knows this slave has a passion for putting together rockin' outfits.  While He indulges her with fabulous accessories, gorgeous frocks & exquisite shoes, He also enjoys seeing people uncomfortable or put into predicaments where their extreme discomfort (mental &/or physical) causes Him pleasure.


Something you said about other people noticing and snickering and making comments hit home for me. My favorite sexual fantasies are all humiliation-based, and there's always that element in them, of an audience deriding me, laughing at me. I don't think this is closet exhibitionism. I've done straightforward exhibitionism before and it leaves me cold and bored, sexually. Exhibitionism can be ego gratifying, but for me it's never sexy. Maybe that is because peoples' responses to good exhibitionism (like you said, having a rockin' outfit) make me feel like I'm in control?

But in a situation where I feel degraded or mortified, and that degradation is caused by someone else who is enjoying my discomfort (another good point you hit on), OH YES! That totally does it for me. Finally, I like the way that in some humiliation scenarios your personal boundaries are invaded. My favorite sort of humiliation fantasies involve not just visual humiliation, but other people, usually strangers whom I'd never want near me under ordinary circumstances, using/abusing my body at will, without my being able to stop them. I guess that's lack of control again.

Does your master ever videotape the most humiliating events? That would make it worse(better) I imagine. :)

To FW: You can sometimes learn what makes something erotic to someone else if you read fiction written for that particular taste/fetish. The professionally published stuff is usually best for this, but some amateur fiction is pretty good. Do a search on a popular phrase, "humiliated housewife" for instance, and you'll turn up lots of wank material that might make you hot even if you have an aversion to humiliation. The "mind-control fiction" genre often contains strong humiliation themes. For some strange reason one of the first things that the people who put you under mind control think of is to make you do very embarassing things! I don't understand it, myself. ;)

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/30/2009 9:25:25 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

As far as I can tell, humiliation only works erotically if you are, on some level, ashamed of your sexual desires.

If you don't have that shame, what The Man refers to as 'Catholic guilt' although by no means is it restricted to those of that religious background, then it will not be erotically charged.


neither assertion applies to me. i simply enjoy having him mess with my head. i'm perfectly at home with all of my fetishes and proudly take ownership of each. the best things i gained from my parochial school days are my interests in religious and age play.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Humiliation: how does it work? - 9/30/2009 4:40:22 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FW

Hi!

I was wondering how does being humiliated could  become a turn-on: I know that this won't be true for everybody, and that the mechanisms are different, but I'd like to understand if there is a common mental "pathway"...

Thanks!



I suppose that some individuals may see it as a form of power and control. Some may find the thought of imposing mental and emotional pain on another individual desirable. I believe if one feels they must engage in this type of activity, that they truly take the time to understand their partner as well as what to do if they inadventantly trigger something they had not anticipated

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

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