Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....??


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 12:38:14 AM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		I never thought I would be all fukked up over a sub..
or questioning my ways of DOMMING..

but I need to explain and see if I am thinking correctly here on this one..

A sub male messaged...we talked a lot..he had been with a MIstress for 3 years..she moved back to France..
He is here where I am in university.
We seemed to  fit in style ..desire..common interests etc.

We had our FIRST meeting...I insist on 3..to meet and talk..before any play..
I check for submissive quality..compatibility,,boundries..and more..

During the 1 st meeting he began to pressure me.
"I need to serve you to serve to day..I want to be yours" etc.
I said
"NO  my way or walk.."
He stayed and continued to answer questions etc..but pressured again.
I asked him to go and we would talk later.
I made it clear I am in CONTROL..I RULE

ALL this week he has now messaged at dif itmes that he wants to come over.right then.that.he is NOT "into" meeting..that my way is not a way that is there for the sub..
 
I have told him he is NOT my sub...we have met once...
that perhaps he is a bottom wanting to play..or scene,,,??

NO he says..he is a sub-slave and served in all possibls ways adn wants to again.

Each time we talk he wants to come over right then.
That is NOT how I roll
I want a boy WHO CAN AT THE VERY LEAST adher to my guidleines for getting to KNOW one another

The dliemma..
I WANT him..I mean in a sub way..to get him in my clutches..
I feel IF I CAN break this willfulness I would have a good boy here.


Once agian tonight he pops up and wants to come over and serve..
HE says.."
YOU take things slow...I will do this and this and this..
for you..you have no idea what a good slave I am..."

and in my wish for a sub and him..I am so tempted to just let him come over.
I need to weigh out the consequence of letting a boy come over becuz I "WANT'him which is short term gratification and waiting for a boy who LISTENS AND OBEYS..

If he just comes when he wants I know this sets up forever.
that he RUNS the time lines and it is not service then..
but me as a MAC Domme-alds
I know I will get messages  to wake up...to see he is a "do- me" etc
but maybe I need them..

I am interested if you think I could continue and in any way break this willfulness ....

AM I correct in thinking he would do as I say if he really wanted to explore a D-s realtionship outlined in my profile..even as a consistent playmate?
 
IS my profile perhaps alluding to the playmate thing as more casual?? than I want.. and this I may be confusing..
 
DO really ppl have ppl over the first meeting and play?
 

GM
note:as some of you know I headed a POLY home for 20+ years ..then was widowed and am looking again..I  amwondering if I am a BACK IN THE DAY woman and too constrictive...???

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 10/1/2009 12:48:08 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 12:45:06 AM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		Yep.

That bottom's pressuring things is one o' my pet peeves. As a dominant, I put the pressure on, not the other way 'round . . . . . Hold firm.

_____________________________

Snarko ergo sum.



The Verbossinator

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 12:47:23 AM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline 		If I had to say it a second time in such a short acquaintance, it would be enough for me to get the message that he is more about him than me. But that's me.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 12:52:17 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Yes, hold firm. I got a switch trying to pressure me and I have been given him the silent treatment so far. He has been checking my profile each week, but he needed to know that I am in charge, not him (he's a do-me anyway).

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 1:00:09 AM   
StoneFox


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with above. It's like he doesn't take your dominance seriously. Like it's a joke. And who wants to be seen as a joke?

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 1:20:43 AM   
MissDita


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		message was ment for the OP

point out one last time that he has to take You seriously, that he has to let you decide when you want to meet him and that you will only play with him when you want. That You are interested in him, but that he has to change his behaviour immediatly. That You are giving him one last chance. That the next time he pushes You, it's over.

And than give him 'one' last chance, but don't let it continue after that.

greetings, Miss Dita

< Message edited by MissDita -- 10/1/2009 1:21:40 AM >

(in reply to StoneFox)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 3:12:26 AM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		TY BRIGHT WOMEN!!

You know I always remember what the superintendent of schools said when I started teaching...
He said.
"The first 10 minutes- 2 months sets the year"
:The first 10 min each day sets the day"
and then he said
"BE AN IRON WOMAN for  those first 5 ,10 minutes or 2 months..then you can "let up "  but
but you can NEVER go the other way
and he was so right
I was LOVING IRON BITCH in the classroom day 1 and first 5 minutes
and a strong foundation was established for which I won awards for
working with the most difficult of difficult.... and my kids did too

The same with my POLY home and 4 "husbands" and 3 boyz..
BIG MAMA RULED and loved

DOMINANCE is leading..not domineering..it is establishing a feeling of being safe and cherished by the very nature of "not giving in" to being topped fr bottom..by holding firm to knowing FOR SURE what is best

I do not need a sub in my life who as STONE FOX said does not "take me seriously"


many ty's
I can let a hot ass go in favour of obediance..
I was sent for a loop becuz usually looks etc do not matter
at all .to me

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 10/1/2009 3:17:14 AM >

(in reply to MissDita)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 5:03:39 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		In addition to the above, I would punish him.  Explain that he has been too pushy in violation oif your expressed wishes,  and that you are giving him three days of silence as punishment.  The punishment's not for this pushiness, but for not following your expressed desires.

Get used to it.  He'll require more discipline as things go on.  Hopefully the occasions will be less frequent in the future.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 5:19:04 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		Sub woman checking in. I absolutely agree with all the good advice you've gotten here. Don't cave, don't give in, keep the shell tightly closed, until (or unless) he accepts your authority.

I can sort of understand his mentality. He thinks he's a great submissive, and maybe there's good reason for that, but it seems to have gone to his head a bit. I suspect from the way he acts that he got used to being a submissive in a certain way with his former mistress and thinks that this should be the way that all mistresses respond to him. Having been a one-master slave myself, I can understand how hard it is initially to learn another dominant's ways and styles, to learn that dominants do not all respond the same way or want the same things as your previous dominant, but learn and change and bend to the new dominant's will you must, if you want to be accepted by them as their submissive. He also sounds quite exhuberent and like he'd be a lot of fun to be with if you can tame that agggressive and unattractive "I know better than you" streak.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 5:32:07 AM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		I have seen plenty of submissives in 'sub frenzy'. I also believe a Dominant reads and uses a submissives needs, wants and desires for her own good uses.Use this as a test. Give him what you want, and what he says he needs, but not what he wants.

I'll explain. Boys can serve and not be in your presence. Give him some assignment, that takes up his time, and is helpful to you, but does not take up much of your time. Explain that you meant what you said, but if he is so eager to serve, he can do X. If he is serious and sincere, this might take a bit of edge off and help him know he'll have future contact with you if he does what he's told. If he chooses not to do what you ask, then you'll know its all about his way.

Just my two cents,

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 6:16:08 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Miss Gypsy, I am sorry you are feeling conflicted over this.  To me, this situation feels very clear.   Whether he is in "subfrenzy" or just pushy I think these are warning signs for you to acknowledge and possibly act upon.

You want a relationship where you are in charge.  So I agree with the others that it is imperative that you not give in to -his- desires to break your screening process.

I have been in subfrenzy...but at no time did I take that much leave of my senses that I would not have -understood- and -honored- my (now) Dominant's wishes.  And that this person is doing so, to my mind, indicates a serious lack of self control that could cause you issues for a long time if you take him on.

The whole "breaking willfullness" thing is, again to my mind, pure fantasy.  Can you modify a sub's behavior, certainly.  But there has to be a solid foundation and strength of character there first.   We are all in consentual relationships here - breaking someone to that extent would also break laws.  So if he ain't doing it from the start...well past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior and all that.

So not a good prognosis from my perspective. 

You could always say to him - "Okay, I get that you feel you need something now.  Understand that -IF- we go down that path, our relationship will be play only, at mutually agreed times, and I will run the show. You will not ever be my submissive, nor will we engage in such dynamics of service.  You are asking me to be a service top to you...I am willing but that will forever change how we interact.  Is that what you really want?"

Of course, you first have to answer the question "Is that what -you- really want?"

I wish you wisdom. 

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 6:21:41 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with all this good advice. The boy is pushing. H's either a do me sub and not worth your time in terms of a real long term relationship, or he's pushing to see if you can really dominant him. Highly manipulative behavior, IMO.

BTW I loved the topic to this thread. We all know men think with their little head sometimes, we females rarely acknowledge we are capable of the same thing!




_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 6:41:15 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Fast reply:  First of all, Gypsy, it's good to see you posting again.

I'm with everyone else.  If he can get you to cave in now, he'll be testing your dominance ad infinitum.  Unless you want a continuing power struggle on your hands, put your foot down now and keep it down.  Sometimes, we also need to deny ourselves in the short run in order to achieve long-term gains.

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 6:49:21 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		It has already been said, but you have set the rules, and I would imagine for good reason, you break them *because of your frenzy*, and you are on the slippery slope to misery.

Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 7:05:20 AM   
TheGaggingWh0re


Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline 		Ew! If I had a Dom/me do that to me, I think it'd send up red flags that said 'creep alert'.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm playfully pushy with my owner from time to time as a joke, but he is NOT your sub as you pointed out and you don't know him very well. I think the choice was a good one because that was an awful first impression.

UGH.

I'm still bothered by it. He gave the world of genuine slaves a bad name. :(

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 7:17:55 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		For me, it is, the harder they push me, the harder I push them away. There is a fine line between courting me and being pushy.

Telling me they are thinking of me, cannot get me out of their mind, asking is there anything they can do for me........is delightful. This causes me to want them.

Pushing me to do things to them, wanting to demand my time and attention, saying how THEY want things to be........not delightful at all. This causes me to want them to jump off a bridge.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 7:21:52 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ja, LT and in that vein of thought..............

Maybe the Gypper should tell the boy, STFU and do as I say, and that is serving me right now!!!!!!


Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 8:07:26 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO

AM I correct in thinking he would do as I say if he really wanted to explore a D-s realtionship outlined in my profile..even as a consistent playmate?
 
IS my profile perhaps alluding to the playmate thing as more casual?? than I want.. and this I may be confusing..
 
DO really ppl have ppl over the first meeting and play?


*Yes, I think he WOULD do as You say if he was serious about exploring any type of D/s relationship.  If he can't respect Your rules and Your wishes now, he won't later either.  Don't cave.
*I read Your profile and I think it's great.  You're making it very clear that You have certain ways of doing things and criteria that must be met, no matter what.
*Some people do play on the first meeting but, in my opinion, it's not very smart.  It's dangerous. 
 
When I read Your OP, the first thing that came to my mind was "pushy do-me sub."  His actions say it's all about him rather than You, and that needs to be nipped in the bud.  Maybe he's found himself in sub-frenzy since he's suddenly without a Mistress any longer, but if he's serious about any type of D/s relationship, he still really needs to learn obedience.  Good luck.  :)

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 8:55:12 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Gypsy, wonderful to see you again!

You know what to do---be true to yourself! 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? - 10/1/2009 9:34:34 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		He is trying to dom the Domme. He wants things his way and in his time frame. I would have told him he needs to look elsewhere and blocked him. Guys like this are "do me" subs and they are a dime a dozen.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094