RE: The Player and the meaning behind it.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 5:24:24 AM

RavenMuse

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Player doesn't need to be a negative term.... For example, I view kink clubs as either "a peacocks club" or a "players club"... player in that instance is the positive of the two. A peacocks club is full of "oh look at me, don't i look absolutely FABULOUS in latex" types, whilst a players club maybe not provide the club photographer with as much weird and wonderful costumery but the folks go to socialise and indulge in play of all kinds, impact, bondage/suspension, medical/needles... etc in that context I Myself am one of the 'players'

Someone who has 'nilla relationships but is sadistic who doesn't pretend to be a 'Dom' maybe a 'player' in the same sense, but again I don't view them in anyway negitivly. I haven't much in common with them, but I don't view them negativly.

Where I do view it and use it in a derogitory manner is where someone is 'playing a role' as part of a deception.... Making out they are Dominant and offering a D/s relationship where they have no intention of taking up the responcibilitys that go hand in hand. Grabbing their quick fix of kink and sex before the girl realises it was smoke and mirrors with no substance and that she isn't in the kind of relationship she was led to believe she was entering into.... often the actor is off performing his 'act' for the next gullable target behind the girls back even before she has gotten to the point of pulling back the curtain and seeing the 'wizard' for what he is.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 6:12:24 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Player doesn't need to be a negative term.... For example, I view kink clubs as either "a peacocks club" or a "players club"... player in that instance is the positive of the two. A peacocks club is full of "oh look at me, don't i look absolutely FABULOUS in latex" types, whilst a players club maybe not provide the club photographer with as much weird and wonderful costumery but the folks go to socialise and indulge in play of all kinds, impact, bondage/suspension, medical/needles... etc in that context I Myself am one of the 'players'

Someone who has 'nilla relationships but is sadistic who doesn't pretend to be a 'Dom' maybe a 'player' in the same sense, but again I don't view them in anyway negitivly. I haven't much in common with them, but I don't view them negativly.

Where I do view it and use it in a derogitory manner is where someone is 'playing a role' as part of a deception.... Making out they are Dominant and offering a D/s relationship where they have no intention of taking up the responcibilitys that go hand in hand. Grabbing their quick fix of kink and sex before the girl realises it was smoke and mirrors with no substance and that she isn't in the kind of relationship she was led to believe she was entering into.... often the actor is off performing his 'act' for the next gullable target behind the girls back even before she has gotten to the point of pulling back the curtain and seeing the 'wizard' for what he is.

I have to agree with everything you said.
I tend to go to what I also call players clubs and although I occasionally like the 'dress to kill' fet clubs because I love dancing. I never mistake it as a BDSM club.
Saying that I do think the word 'player' is used on boards such as this in a negative way. I was reading an old thread that has just been re-launched and there is plenty of sarcasms and references to 'only a player' on it.
I can think of a number of people I know on the scene who would happily and openly admit that they only play at this and what they mean is they like to experiment a bit but can live without it and I suppose its those very people that would laugh off being accused of 'only being a player' because they clearly don't desire anything deeper.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 6:37:58 AM

Moonhead

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I'd definitely go along with the peacocks thing: there's whole magazines dedicated to that approach, after all.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 6:50:40 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonhead

I'd definitely go along with the peacocks thing: there's whole magazines dedicated to that approach, after all.

http://www.myspace.com/tgproductionagency

There are whole clubs dedicated to that approach too and they are always full to capacity.
Peacocks are very popular and I can understand why.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 7:00:12 AM

RavenMuse

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Yep and nothing wrong with it either.... it is only 'negative' in terms of a conversation about BDSM... as in 'nothing to do with', more about fashion than about 'lifestyle'. If that's what they are into fine, I wouldn't go to TG unless I was being paid to... but others get a lot of enjoyment from it.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 7:35:35 AM

pyroaquatic

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My views:

People like putting things into little boxes. Labels to make their lives easier. It is a necessary evil. If we did not have such methods we might be eating nightshade as opposed to tomatoes. I wish not to die.

A Player is someone who plays, according to my definition. This has no positive or negative connotation to me. It is vaguely neutral.

These forums are very cooperative and competitive. I must compete. I am a single submissive male. I must cooperate though, and help those that are less fortunate than myself (learn from those more fortunate).

--

As long as the beliefs of individuals separate from myself do not interfere with my beliefs (and vice versa) I do not care what others believe.

Whatever works for them.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 7:53:37 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

My views:

People like putting things into little boxes. Labels to make their lives easier. It is a necessary evil. If we did not have such methods we might be eating nightshade as opposed to tomatoes. I wish not to die.

Funny you should say that because the tomato comes under the category of nightshade fruit and vegetables!

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 10/2/2009 7:54:18 AM >

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 7:59:57 AM

pyroaquatic

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I believe that was the point. :D

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 8:16:39 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

There are all sorts of twists on this, too. There are folks who live all of this on a daily basis - 24/7, if you will - who tend to stay in the shallow waters. They're in the water all the time but they rarely get wet above the waist.

I like this because this is us. But we don't do s & m so he frequently is discounted as a real dom simply because he doesn't get off on making me cry from pain. And we don't do protocols or rituals or third party speech or any of that. He's laid back and I get a fair bit of freedom.

So we are definitely shallow end of the pool types. Works for me.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 12:43:21 PM

CreativeDominant

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I don't see the term "player" in and of itself as negative or positive...to me, it implies that someone plays at something and that something can range from playing guitar to doing casual play at BDSM clubs. Just because someone doesn't make a living at it or...at a non-professional level...engage it every single minute of their spare time, doesn't make them any less of a guitarist or a car enthusiast or, to bring it around, a dominant/submissive/sadist/submissive.
DomImus noted that he is involved in a LDR and that, for the most part, he is away from doing BDSM when he is not with his submissive and away from D/s. Does this make him a "player" because he can only indulge occasionally? What about the dominance he exerts without being with her? Is this not true dominance and "only playing" on his part? Sadly, that is how some would view it, despite the fact that he has seen her and plans on continuing to do so. Would this make me "only playing" when I was involved with a submissive in a LDR and she wasn't right here? Sadly, in some eyes it does. Why do I use the term sadly? Because in these folks eyes, they look down on relationships that are not like theirs. They tend to be more of the "One True Way"ers rather than like the "My Way"-ers as noted by Lady Pact. They tend to use the term "player" in a negative way to describe someone who---no matter how forthright and honest and conscientious they are in their life and their responsibilites and standards as a dominant or a submissive or a top or a bottom---are not doing it within proximity of someone 24/7 and/or in "THEIR" manner.

For me, I use player in a negative fashion to describe those---vanilla or D/s, top/bottom/dominant/submissive---who lies about what they do in order to complete an agenda that has only their concerns at heart and not those of the people they have to interact with in order to meet their agenda. The guy who arranges 3 dates in the same night and gets a different type of sex from each date without telling the others about it...the girl who talks up and cuddles up and sleeps with a "sugar daddy" until he wakes up to the fact that his money is what counts and then she moves on to the next one...the sadistic top who pretends to be a dominant and acts like one just long enough to get his fill of play with a masochistic type who is honestly submissive within her nature and makes no bones about it.

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 1:09:26 PM

Sunnyfey

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My definition of "Player" is someone who plays on someones emotions to get what they want (usually sex), or someone who actively, maliciously, manipulates someone to get what they want (again usually sexual).

and that's the only definition of it for me.

When it comes to people playing at play parties or the "peacocks" my simple definition is....

Sceners- those who play or "do scenes/scene" at play parties

SPs (stand and pose)- the "pretty" ones in latex who stand around looking unimpressed and only comment on others scenes like what they do (which is NOTHING) is so much better or more hardcore......"oh look, they are doing blood play again, god he only uses a finger stick? *scoff* I only use my bowie knives"

I tend to loudly crack up at the SPers while I flounce out the door in my oh so not cool flannel pj's/ big wool cape.

< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 10/2/2009 1:16:37 PM >

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RE: The Player and the meaning behind it. - 10/2/2009 1:12:56 PM

Moonhead

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Don't be h8tin'

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